Does your T tell you to do stuff?

T tells me to do things constantly during session. Some things are semi-neutral like "go out and exercise" and some things are really bothersome to me or cost money.

I feel like the T does not even want to get to know me, and just keeps making suggestions that I can't even afford or that maybe I don't want to do.

Sometimes he does. If I don't like his suggestion, I just tell him what to do with it. Generally, his suggestions are spot on, but not always.

Are you not comfortable telling your T where to stick his suggestions if you don't like them? As you can tell, I'm not. Sure, we get into some tough discussions when we don't agree, but we learn a great deal about each other that way too. It certainly has helped me become more pro-active and assertive. In fact, I suspect that at times he's pushing me that way because I used to be completely unassertive. It's been healthy for me actually.

Open these ideas up for dialogue. I've found about half the time I am able to communicate for him why his suggestion doesn't mesh for me (so he learns more about me), and about half the time he is able to better explain why he really believes his suggestion is an important one for me and sometimes I even change my mind after I really take the time to hear him out. Either way, the discussion is insightful and meaningful.

[anilam]

No, my T does not tell me what to do. He makes suggestions but leaves it up to me which one (if any) I take.

Go out and exercise- I would not pay s.o. to tell me this, my mum tells me so often enough.

I can relate with t1, she wanted me to do some self esteem course that cost seven hundred euro. I said no way, it's too expensive and said I didn't want to do the work and that I rejected all of her suggestions but afterwards after I felt bad I realised that ts suggestions were unrealistic and just because your t suggests something does not mean it's right or that you should do it.

[tinyrabbit]

My T makes suggestions sometimes ("maybe you could..." "would it help if you..." "what do you think about...") which I am free to take, leave, or tell him to shove where the sun don't shine (as I have been known to do). He has always said I don't have to do anything except show up.

If my T constantly gave instructions, that would really annoy me. How do you respond in the session when your T makes these suggestions?

[mandazzle]

No, my T doesn't tell me what to do... Ts aren't supposed to do that. The best they can do is make suggestions. Therapy is not having someone tell you what to do to make things better, it is having someone help you figure out how to fix things for yourself. If your T is telling you what to do I would recommend finding a new T.

[unaluna]

My t kinda tells me to do stuff. He finally figured out I dont leave the apartment except to see him, pretty much. We're trying to get me to do stuff in the apartment, like housework and self-care, as well as leaving the aapartment. Having the stroke last September and being crosseyed for a few months kinda set me back. My gp finally changed my cholesterol med and I think im less dizzy now and that is motivating.

[Perna]

I can't remember my T telling me to do stuff; I guess it depends on how one complains and what about. It is surprising to me the bunch of stuff I have never done/tried that I think I do/do not like/want to do.

It sounds like your T is just over zealous with giving his ideas of what one might do but it wouldn't particularly bother me if I had already tried or looked into them or knew they were more expensive than I wanted to spend; I like lots of ideas when I am trying to get myself motivated.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Perna

I can't remember my T telling me to do stuff; I guess it depends on how one complains and what about. It is surprising to me the bunch of stuff I have never done/tried that I think I do/do not like/want to do.

It sounds like your T is just over zealous with giving his ideas of what one might do but it wouldn't particularly bother me if I had already tried or looked into them or knew they were more expensive than I wanted to spend; I like lots of ideas when I am trying to get myself motivated.

I had a T once (saw her briefly) who appeared to get irritated with me and my situation - to the point where she started to ask me if I could just do this or that...I, in turn, got extremely annoyed as I explained why it was that her ideas would so not work. I wasn't being difficult - it just was not going to work for practical reasons. I also had already tried to figure all of those things out on my own and had more knowledge about it than she did!

It ended up making me feel like she didn't get me at.all. And minimized. She didn't hear me. The stuff she was trying to "fix" wasn't the real issue and I felt that pretty deeply. I didn't go back....

[granite1]

my last session my T accually told me it might be a good idea if i went to FL to help out the mother get her crap together. i havve no idea if it is a good idea or not .she said that it might help me be free from having to help in the long run because i can set up someone to keep an eye on her

[Perna]

I think therapists are trying to figure out and live their own lives while they're trying to help us with ours (which is why I like a therapist who is older than I am, I figure they've been working on what I'm working on, longer :-) and their methods and ideas can get out of sync I think sometimes. Some T's are "eclectic" in their methods but have you ever thought about that, how they learned the different things they practice? They had to be beginners at it the first few clients and probably were really horrible; can you imagine a CBT therapist trying to learn to be more psychoanalytic? Maybe one's therapist is trying to learn some CBT tricks and thinks that's just telling people the obvious ("If you'd smile more you'd feel better" :-)

I'd be like Freewilled and say, "Enough! If that's all your dog-and-pony show can do, I ain't staying to watch anymore."

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by granite1

my last session my T accually told me it might be a good idea if i went to FL to help out the mother get her crap together. i havve no idea if it is a good idea or not .she said that it might help me be free from having to help in the long run because i can set up someone to keep an eye on her

I did help my mother move out of the house I grew up in, to a condo, even though she kept her plans a secret from me but discussed them with other close relatives. Anyway that was when she told me that if I hadnt helped her, she wouldn't have invited me to her funeral. Ie it would have been the last straw for her. So I decided that remark of hers was the last straw for me. No more guilt. Im not proud of it, but I actually said, "you cant invite me to your funeral anyway, you'll be dead." Ive had enough of her nonsensical bullying. That's all it is. I organized all her drawers and closets in the new place, but do you think they stayed like that? And she calls me a slob. She's the one totally lacking organizational skills. Not that there's anything wrong with that

[Perna]

Originally Posted by hankster

I'm not proud of it, but I actually said, "you cant invite me to your funeral anyway, you'll be dead."

I wasn't that brave; I waited until my stepmother was dead before I started singing "Ding dong, the Witch is dead" incessantly loudly

I'd still go help, especially if it made me feel better about not having to help as much later. I was glad my stepsister was an only child and a girl and older than I am, etc.; I can't imagine what it would have been like if my mother had lived and gotten old and been like my stepmother; my three brothers would have still bailed and I'd be stuck alone.

[wotchermuggle]

A former T would sometimes tell me to do stuff like, "Just take your meds." Because it wasn't a usual occurrence, it impressed upon me the importance of whatever we were talking about.

Current T will share his opinion on things but I don't think he's ever said you have to do this.