[growlycat]

Maybe this will help anyone else struggling "when to email/when not to email" or T enforced restrictions.

My health T recently let me know that he prefers I don't email him (he named some limited exceptions). OK, it hurts but he had an explanation that helped me:

1. Email isn't really secure, so privacy is a concern

2. The more anxiety you have, the more that structure helps in therapy. He travels and doesn't want me to worry if he has read something or not

ok, I'll go with it I guess..i'm sure it is all about that Winnicott-ian "holding environment" in therapy...feels better than no explanation at all

Donald Winnicott Biography

[lostconfusedhopeles]

Ok that make sense

[Freewilled]

What does #2 mean exactly? I'm not sure i get it...

[retro_chic]

It was good he gave you an explanation With my T and I we had a sort system where I would email her a day or two before each session with all things I wanted to discuss. The reason I did this rather than just bring what I wrote to session was by emailing in advance it gave T some time to prepare for the session. She was able to have some time to print any relevant work sheets or books. I learnt not to expect a reply although sometimes she would write back which was always a pleasant surprise

[Perna]

I think it depends on what type of work one is doing. If you are working in the session only, then email probably won't be used; if you are doing a lot of homework and "learning" then there might be some exchange, questions, etc.

Some people use email to relieve tension, pressure, and if enough pressure isn't there then there's not enough steam during the actual therapy session to drive the train :-) It's why SI isn't good, if you SI then you don't have to talk about it and nothing can get resolved.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Perna

Some people use email to relieve tension, pressure, and if enough pressure isn't there then there's not enough steam during the actual therapy session to drive the train :-) It's why SI isn't good, if you SI then you don't have to talk about it and nothing can get resolved.

I have not found this to be true.

[growlycat]

Hi freewilled-

From what I understand, and reading all kinds of articles online, that therapists will provide more structure if you are highly anxious--instead of sitting silently, they will ask more questions, assign homework, have maybe tougher boundaries. It's all about "containment" and creating a space that feels safe enough to open up.

So even though the email thing feels harsh, it is actually a caring act.

[pbutton]

I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around why high anxiety would call for tougher boundaries. Probably because I tend to stay super far away from boundaries.

[Perna]

pbutton, where did you read "boundary" especially "tougher" ones? Structure is not a boundary; your spine is your body's structure, otherwise you'd flop all over the place

When I am anxious, I am like your avatar; OMG, Oh No! Structure (and boundaries) can help me feel safer and more contained. I don't have to worry about what's happening week after next when I go on vacation, I can focus better on what I'm doing tonight (team trivia game at our bar/restaurant).

I'm not sure I made the "it" clear in "talk about it", Stopdog; I was talking about whatever one SI'd about, not the SI itself. If one talks about and resolves the situation/anxiety that makes one SI, then one does not need to SI; I think it's a little like being an emotional eater; if one can learn to deal with one's emotions as themselves, as they arise, one doesn't need to eat when one doesn't consciously want to. But SI and emotional eating also have habitual and chemical dependency hooks too, so not saying it would just stop right away necessarily.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Perna

pbutton, where did you read "boundary" especially "tougher" ones?

Originally Posted by growlycat

...therapists will provide more structure if you are highly anxious--instead of sitting silently, they will ask more questions, assign homework, have maybe tougher boundaries.

I think this is probably about a different type of anxiety than mine. I am highly avoidant and anxious. T is constantly telling me that he can monitor his own boundaries and that I can test them. I usually make a horrified face at him. It disturbs me to think I would be the type of patient who requires stronger boundaries. I don't want to stomp anyone's boundaries; it is a huge fear of mine.

[Perna]

Yes, sounds like you are at the other end. Sounds like your T would like you to find and test his boundaries instead of huddling in the center as far away from them as you can get You imagine his boundaries and they aren't necessarily where you imagine them :-)

At first in therapy I felt like my T was trying to corral me; I was running all wild from one end to the other trying to play "keep away" from her so she had to try to contain me in a smaller space so she could just say, "Hello" LOL.