I was reading this article and truly hope it might be helpful for those with children who are debating whether to stay in abusive relationships. Please read this article: Psychotherapy Brown Bag: Childhood abuse and suicide attempts: Examining the impact of specific forms of abuse on a tragic outcome

I was reading Joiner's (2005) theory and thought it was interesting. “Individuals develop an acquired capability for suicide through repeated exposure to painful and provocative life events. Repeated exposure to such experiences results in habituation to physical pain and to the fear of death, thus increasing fearlessness and the chances that an individual will be able to overcome the evolutionary instinct towards self-preservation.”
“Simply put, suicide attempts are typically very painful and the fear of death is a powerful deterrent to such behaviors. When an individual is repeatedly exposed to physical pain - either his or her own pain or the pain of others - that individual gradually habituates to physical pain, such that it takes more for them to initially sense pain and they can tolerate a greater amount of pain once they feel it. Additionally, exposure to pain appears to have a similar impact on an individual's fear of death, particularly when the pain is self-inflicted. Although the pain in childhood abuse is not self-inflicted, the data indicate that they still have an impact similar to self-inflicted pain, increasing the likelihood that an individual will be able to overcome the pain and fear associated with a suicide attempt.”

If you are in an abusive relationship (even if your child is not abused, but ESPECIALLY if he or she is abused), PLEASE immediately get your child to safety and get him or her counseling as soon as possible. You harm your child and increase his or her risk of suicide as well as dramatically increase the likely he or she will be in an abusive relationship or become an abuser.

[FeelTheBurn]

Thanks for that info, MKAC. Hopefully, anyone who can resonate with that situation will seek help, and do the right thing for their kid(s). It's frustrating to know that all we can offer is support and constructive suggestions, when I've no doubt some of us, including me, wish we could charge in and rescue the victims of these ugly situations.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself, MKAC. Be gentle with yourself and maybe take a break for a day, refocus your energy on caring for you.

[WikidPissah]

THANK YOU MKAC!

I think as bystanders, we are responsible as well. Not for people we see on here, but for neighbors and family and friends. When we see or hear something, it is so much better to report it then to ignore it. Gone are the days when you ignored the chaos going on in the houses/apartments around you. We need to step up and pay attention.

[stopdog]

I do not disagree with the premise that children should not be abused. But neither should women and leaving an abuser is a complicated situation. Focus on the children if that is where your concern lies, and again, I am not in favor of child abuse, but I personally do not believe that adding more blame and shame onto any woman who is being abused is the answer.
No one should be abused and it is not good for anyone's mental health.

My goal in this, to restate it AGAIN, is to offer information in the hope of helping someone. I do not see how this particular thread can be construed as adding shame or blame. I think if you are seeing that, it is perhaps your thing not something that actually is present.

[stopdog]

I did not see it here in this thread. I am not saying anyone has done anything. I was expressing my belief for the bigger picture. And I was trying to be supportive of not advocating child abuse. AGAIN - I am not in favor of child abuse.

This article rings true for me, multiple serious attempts and high threshold for physical pain, and exposure to to severe physical abuse and sexual assault prior to age 15. Connecting the dots.

[1stepatatime]

Thanks for sharing.... prior to my divorce in 2002 I was married to a man who was extremely emotionally abusive, controlling, and an alcoholic. He never hit me or our kids but the emotional abuse was equally painful. My kids and I would go outside for long walks just to get away from him during his drunken tirades. Because of the grace of God,, some supportive friends and a T who helped me to take a good look at our life...I made the decision to leave. We have since rebuilt our lives, worked hard to get to where we are today..nothing is perfect but at least we have peace.

[tinyrabbit]

Now, if you could just travel back in time and give this to my mother...