[tinyrabbit]

My T has two weeks off in August. Previously, I've regarded his holidays as breaks for both of us and tried to see them as a rest from therapy. But, while I can take a break from therapy, I can't take a break from my own head. I've coped during previous breaks, although I've found them very hard. But I'm really worried about this one. I've been battling a lot of sui thoughts recently. I'm not sure I would necessarily discuss them with another T, but therapy is a place where I can just feel whatever I'm feeling and not be alone with it. I feel like I should be able to cope with the breaks and I'm just being pathetic, but given the way I've been feeling I'm concerned that I'll just go to pieces.

When I next see my T, I'm thinking I might ask him about the possibility of seeing another T while he's off. He just has a solo private practice, but it's based in a therapy centre he runs and lots of other Ts use it too. I'm not sure if he'll think it's a good idea or not. I did consider just arranging to see another T somewhere else, thereby not giving my T the opportunity to say if he thinks it's unwise or unnecessary, but I don't want to do that. If he thinks it's a bad idea I'm willing to listen. And if he doesn't, maybe he can suggest someone who would be well-suited to me.

So I wanted to ask...
Have you ever asked to see another T while yours is on vacation?
Did your T think this was a good or bad idea? Why?
If you saw another T, did you have your T tell them anything about you?
Did you talk much to the other T?
Did seeing them help or did you regret going?
Did it work against your therapy with your T in any way?

[growlycat]

1. Yes, I saw a T through my doctor's office when main T was on vacation.
2. It was a good idea I think, if you feel you need it you probably do. She had a different working style than my own T but I think she genuinely wanted to help. It wasn't 100% satisfying but it was a long vaca and it helped some.
3. No, my T never spoke to her but I did give her a brief history
4. She did a fair amount of talking too, and she was a fan of zeroxed "pamphlets" on different studies and topics--that part was 1/3 useful and 2/3 distracting
5. It was ok. Felt like I was "cheating on" T but he was ok with the idea
6. No, it helped me be less frantic on his return

Hope this helps!!!

[feralkittymom]

Well, he rarely took lengthy breaks. I never asked about seeing someone else when he would be gone, but I generally didn't feel that pressure. He always had a colleague available for emergency calls during any absence. There was a time when I was in crisis and he was scheduled to be away at a conference. I didn't ask, but he gave me the name and phone number of a colleague that I could contact if I felt the need, and told me he had alerted her that I might call. Normally, I wouldn't have been able to reach out like that, but he told me that I could trust her and that she was who he talked with when he needed to talk. And I did call and talked to her over the phone when I felt badly. He was glad that I had reached out.

[mixedup_emotions]

Yes, I did ask T about seeing someone else in his practice recently while he was away on vacation for several weeks.

When we talked about it, he asked me who I would want to see since I know most of the Ts at his office. The first one I suggested, he said he didn't think would be good for me. Gave me all sorts of reasons. The second one I suggested, he wasn't quite sure about - but then gave me specific guidelines of how to reach out - saying that I needed to be direct with what I needed, etc. I told him that when I am in distress, I struggle with not know what I need. So, he wanted to talk about that...

...After the conversation, I felt pretty pathetic and no longer felt interested in reaching out to someone else - it felt like scripted bs at that point.

[stopdog]

I have never asked the therapist for permission, but she was told I see others. I saw another in her place when she was gone for 6 weeks. It did not have any effect on therapy with her. I think it was useful.

[tinyrabbit]

Well, I just looked through details of the other Ts who use the centre and I don't like the look of any of them, which doesn't really help.

Thanks for all your responses.

Stopdog, I don't mean to ask permission - just to get his thoughts on it.

[SkinnySoul]

No, I haven't seen anyone else since we started therapy together.
I don't know, it sounds confusing to me to have two Ts on your mind. I mean, I'd be anxious about opening up with new T, I'd be missing current T... it just gets complicated.
I feel I should trust my T with the job he has taken on; not hire another one to finish off what *he* started.

[Leah123]

1. Have you ever asked to see another T while yours is on vacation?

I did not ask, I just went ahead and spoke to another therapist. I've done that a couple times, once because my T was away, and twice because I wanted an outside perspective on my therapy process.

2. Did your T think this was a good or bad idea? Why?
When I told my T, she told me it was okay with her, and that she hoped it helped.

3. If you saw another T, did you have your T tell them anything about you?
No.

3. Did you talk much to the other T?
Yes, I did maybe... 2/3 of the talking, or a bit less.

4. Did seeing them help or did you regret going?
It was mostly helpful. I do not regret the appointments.

5. Did it work against your therapy with your T in any way?
Not at all.

[unaluna]

Do you have a pdoc you see for meds? Is an appt then do-able? I have had such good experiences with my pdocs, I hate to see you losing out on this opportunity to talk with someone else. Is a former t a possibility? I've gone back for a consult on a particular issue, that was interesting!

[precious things]

I did for one session because things were erupting in my family and I needed to talk to someone for my own sanity while by T was gone for the week. It was helpful and allowed me to see how someone else approached the situation versus the way my T had been handling things (I terminated soon after). For a crisis, it was helpful.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by Leah123

1. Have you ever asked to see another T while yours is on vacation?

I did not ask, I just went ahead and spoke to another therapist. I've done that a couple times, once because my T was away, and twice because I wanted an outside perspective on my therapy process.

2. Did your T think this was a good or bad idea? Why?
When I told my T, she told me it was okay with her, and that she hoped it helped.

3. If you saw another T, did you have your T tell them anything about you?
No.

3. Did you talk much to the other T?
Yes, I did maybe... 2/3 of the talking, or a bit less.

4. Did seeing them help or did you regret going?
It was mostly helpful. I do not regret the appointments.

5. Did it work against your therapy with your T in any way?
Not at all.

I agree with all of this. I've done it several times. It gave me a different perspective and made me realize that I do have a good T after all. I really enjoyed being able to rant openly about my current T to another T. It also helped with the abandonment feelings, which I know are really childish. But still .... I was like, "Ok, T you're gonna go off and leave me, so I'll just get myself another T while you're gone. And maybe he'll be better than you. Neener neener neener."

I know, I know, childish .... but it still helped!!

[healed84]

T has never offered that before.. However, he has not left for more than two weeks in a row either. I think before I started seeing our MC I would say, no I would not see another T if my T was gone. However, if my T was going to be gone for a month or more I may ask our mc if I can have a session or two depending on how I am doing at the time of T's break.

[dolphingirl]

Have you ever asked to see another T while yours is on vacation?
Yes I did, but it wasn't planned. I was having sui thoughts and was afraid I would do something stupid. I called the center to make an appt with other t T suggested, but other t wasn't available for several days and it would have made it so I saw him and my T back to back. The next day they were worse so I called the center back, none of the other ts T suggested were available that afternoon, so I saw the only T who was available.

Did your T think this was a good or bad idea? Why?
Before T went on vacation she said I could have a session with a t who I had previously done testing with if I felt I needed it. She said she could arrange it before she left. I told her I thought I'd be fine and she told me I could call and make an appointment later if I felt I needed it.

If you saw another T, did you have your T tell them anything about you?
Since I met with the other t in kind of a crisis situation and it wasn't the t who T had suggested, he didn't know anything and T hadn't told him anything. Other t actually started out saying something like, "All I know is that you've been working with T next door, but I don't know what you've been talking about, so maybe you want to tell me a little about that or explain what I could do to help you today." All other t knew is that I called and said I had to have an appt with some T who is available this afternoon.

Did you talk much to the other T?
In session with other t I probably talked more than him and I probably talked just as much, and maybe a little more, when I was with regular T.

Did seeing them help or did you regret going?
Yes it helped because it helped me to regain logical/rational thinking abilities, calm my thoughts, and helped me from doing stupid actions.

Did it work against your therapy with your T in any way?
Not in anyway. T was in a way proud of me that I took that extra step to ask for what I needed for myself, stay safe, and step out of my comfort zone.

Seeing a different T temporarily would not be an option for me, and I don't really think it would be helpful for me personally, but it's really interesting to read about people's experiences of this!

[skysblue]

My T told me that I was the first one to ever ask her for a referral to see someone while she was gone on vacation. She gave me the name of another therapist who practices in her office.

I'm glad I did it because I learned what a good fit my T and I are. The 'substitute' T and me did not click.

On the other hand, if I had seen a therapist with whom I could have resonated with, like my gf's T, it would have been extra helpful

So, it all depends on who you see and whether you feel some kind of connection with the other T.

[FeelTheBurn]

I'm going through this right now. T1 is gone for 4+ months (halfway done, yay!), and left when I was at the height of transference and doing really deep work. We both knew, with my history, I would need support while she was gone. T2 was her close colleague and friend at the clinic, and they offered a joint session to make the transition, but I declined thinking that felt like overkill. But they did talk a bit, with my permission. Not extensively, though, as T2 wanted to form her own relationship with me without a lot of prejudicial information.

T2 is very different in personality and style, but her basic philosophy is the same. I think that's important. But we chose to take a different approach, since there was no way I would form the same kind of attachment to her as I have with T1. We're working on something that is more behavioral and practical, requires more talking and cognitive work. She was also very helpful in working through the pain and abandonment stuff of losing T1 at such a critical time, and kept me from spiraling down into deep depression. We're also keeping my "therapy muscles" in shape and working.

My biggest concern at this point is: will I be able to click into the same deep attachment with T1 when she returns? She is still very "real" to me, but the feelings feel less accessible, and it's easy to get caught up in my "what if" fantasies and fears. We shall see.

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

So I wanted to ask...
Have you ever asked to see another T while yours is on vacation?
Did your T think this was a good or bad idea? Why?
If you saw another T, did you have your T tell them anything about you?
Did you talk much to the other T?
Did seeing them help or did you regret going?
Did it work against your therapy with your T in any way?

Yes I have seen another t. I saw her for two weeks while my t had surgery. My therapist was the one to suggest it as she thought that going from 3x a week to two week break was too much. I found it very easy to talk to the new t, who assured me that she was there to support me but not replace my t or change anything my t and I had been working on. It helped me. My t briefed the sub t before I met her so we were all on the same page- which I. Hight suggest doing... It was only good. Did not work against my t and the work we did in any way

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by hankster

Do you have a pdoc you see for meds? Is an appt then do-able? I have had such good experiences with my pdocs, I hate to see you losing out on this opportunity to talk with someone else. Is a former t a possibility? I've gone back for a consult on a particular issue, that was interesting!

I don't have a pdoc and I'm not on any meds! Just in private therapy. No former Ts I could/would see. Thanks for the suggestions though, they were worth making.

I think I'm going to talk to my T and see what he says. I've realised it's not really about expecting to get the same out of a session as I would with him. It's just about being able to be me, with my problems, not putting my public face on, and not be alone, if that makes sense. Maybe it's not necessary, I don't know. I'm seeing T on Tuesday so I'll figure it out then.

He's only off for two weeks but that effectively makes the break three weeks long.

[tinyrabbit]

Thanks to everyone who replied. My T seems to think it's a sensible idea. He's going to try to find someone who's around in August and who he thinks will actually be helpful / someone I'll get on with.

He asked me what, if anything, I want him to tell the other T about me. I'm thinking nothing.