[tealBumblebee]

Today was the first day in therapy that I just didn't want to talk. T told me that she feels like sometimes I like her and sometimes I don't. She said today she felt like I didn't, and felt the need to back away from her. She also said it was perfectly okay to have those feelings. I told her I do like her (and the only time I haven't liked her honestly, was when she did something in my imagination, aka, things she never done IRL), but I really don't feel as if I conveyed that to her. I told her I didn't know the reasoning behind my hesitation in talking her, but it had nothing to do with liking her, because I do. I just don't think she was convinced...

Through a little exploratory discussion, we decided that I simply was afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable (her words) because the emotions I felt were not ones I had complete control over (my words).

So anyways, to avoid her feeling like she's doing all the talking and not wanting to push me away by pushing too deep, and to avoid me feeling like i'm wasting her time - I am considering for "shut down" days, maybe starting a "Thought Box" of sorts, where throughout the week (or whenever really), I would put topics I want to/am willing to try to talk about and allow her (or me) to pick out one slip for those "quiet days" (not everyday).

The only problem I see with this is that I imagine when I have shut down days like today, I use "I don't know" to answer a LOT of things and we still would not get much accomplished...

What do you think of this idea? Or what are some other ideas to resolve this kind of thing?

[FeelTheBurn]

It sounds like a creative approach to getting you communicating when it feels too hard. At the very least, it's a good way to keep track of subjects that you think of during the week, that perhaps might slip your mind otherwise.

And, of course, having "quiet days" is perfectly okay. Sometimes we just aren't in the place for talking. I don't know what kind of therapy your T focuses on, but maybe during those times she could do some guided visualization or meditation, breathing exercises or relaxation, something that could be positive for you and not require her to carry the conversation.

Hey Teatumblebee,
;hug: I really like your idea and I think it could really help you to process your thoughts between sessions.
I have a lot of sessions like this and sometimes I just can't talk to t. T says this is okay because I am not ready to talk to her and that I need to keep that information to myself and that is perfectly alright. When I go quiet she will just sit with me and after a while if I don't respond she will ask me where I am? We will then do some grounding exercises.
it is so sweet that you are worrying about your t doing all the work and the talking but your t can look after herself. I am sure if she has a problem with it she will tell you.
Do you find it hard to communicate with everyone on these days or just your t?

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Hey Teatumblebee,
;hug: I really like your idea and I think it could really help you to process your thoughts between sessions.
I have a lot of sessions like this and sometimes I just can't talk to t. T says this is okay because I am not ready to talk to her and that I need to keep that information to myself and that is perfectly alright. When I go quiet she will just sit with me and after a while if I don't respond she will ask me where I am? We will then do some grounding exercises.
it is so sweet that you are worrying about your t doing all the work and the talking but your t can look after herself. I am sure if she has a problem with it she will tell you.
Do you find it hard to communicate with everyone on these days or just your t?

Thank you =]

She kept apologizing (3 times) to me for talking too much, said she felt like she was rambling and this session was about me not her, etc. I felt bad but didn't really know how to convey to her that I appreciated the fact that she wasn't like "Oh nothing to talk about? Ok lets cut this short until next time..."

I think I must have trouble communicating with everyone since one friend was like "GEEZ! Somebody woke up on the wrong side of bed today!" and the other said "You and your smart comments..." Although neither friend was mad, I wasn't directly trying to be rude/smart to either one of them.

[Lamplighter]

I really like this idea too, and not just for use in therapy on quiet days - it's the sort of thing that could be really useful for working on oneself, having a box of topics to think about. Very creative!

I'm sorry you have such a hard time with not talking, and though your T sounds pretty good, I think I'd be a bit defensive if my T made my silences about him in that 'you don't like me way' - I'd feel like, no this is about ME not you... but maybe she was just trying to get you to open up? Or perhaps she was trying to give you an opportunity to say how you did feel about her, if she thought that was an issue?

I personally talk the hind legs off a horse so silences in my sessions are as rare as hen's teeth man I'm doing well with the cliches aren't I . I think just being able to sit in silence and not feel pressured either to talk or be responsible for T's perceived discomfort would be a very healing thing. I hope your T doesn't continue to make you feel like you're wasting her time, no time in therapy is really wasted and if you have quiet day's maybe that's exactly what you need in that moment?

Hope you do go ahead and make your Thought Box, I think it's a great idea

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by Torn Mind

I really like this idea too, and not just for use in therapy on quiet days - it's the sort of thing that could be really useful for working on oneself, having a box of topics to think about. Very creative!

I'm sorry you have such a hard time with not talking, and though your T sounds pretty good, I think I'd be a bit defensive if my T made my silences about him in that 'you don't like me way' - I'd feel like, no this is about ME not you... but maybe she was just trying to get you to open up? Or perhaps she was trying to give you an opportunity to say how you did feel about her, if she thought that was an issue?

I personally talk the hind legs off a horse so silences in my sessions are as rare as hen's teeth man I'm doing well with the cliches aren't I . I think just being able to sit in silence and not feel pressured either to talk or be responsible for T's perceived discomfort would be a very healing thing. I hope your T doesn't continue to make you feel like you're wasting her time, no time in therapy is really wasted and if you have quiet day's maybe that's exactly what you need in that moment?

Hope you do go ahead and make your Thought Box, I think it's a great idea

Thanks, =] Yes, loved the cliche's - especially the hens teeth haha. I was glad for her to talk, because it took less pressure from me. And she did tell me that I was not wasting her time, she said it was a good session to just get to know me and me to know her. I've never not liked her (irl), so the biggest thing was that I didn't want to hurt her feelings unintentionally.

Thanks again for the funny comment! Lol

I like your idea - you are being authentic and that is important. I've had many T sessions where I walked in and confessed that I didn't want to be there. My T commended me for having the strength to come in . . . he wouldn't chat up a lot on his side, but was able to usually help me get back in sync to communicate more with him. I wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings, IMO. Take care.