I asked T what is its cause? She said, "well, it's about not being able to hold more than one conflicting feeling. It's about splitting and then projecting the unwanted feeling out into the world so that it then feels as if its something coming at you rather than from you. It can also be because of traumatic events happening to you so you then feel that is all you can expect from the world. In your case, even though you had a lot of traumatic experiences, I think it's more to do with the splitting aspect".

I sat with that before replying that, yes, I too think its the splitting aspect. I could feel the truth in that. It fit precisely.
I said right now, here, I can intellectually sit there and say "I am comfortable with my shadow side, but in reality I think there's still a lot of fear around that".
T nodded in agreement.
I asked "so, what do we do about that?"
T replied, "well, I know you don't like to hear this, but we just continue to talk about it". She added, "I'm not saying it won't ever happen, the feeling of paranoia, or that it won't feel just as bad, but I do think the length of time you spend in 'it' will lessen".
I nodded in agreement.
It feels good when What T describes resonates with experience & a knowing inside. You feel you're on the right road together.

[sittingatwatersedge]

thank you for this. It has given me a lot to think about.

(btw good insight )