[Lily5473]

I'm really interested in how t's go about keeping us calm during states of panic/disassociation/flashbacks/anxiety? I'm going through a hard time and have been having a lot of flashbacks and I'm just wondering how my t would keep me calm during that distress.

Did your t learn through trial and error what works and what doesn't? Did you tell them? Do they know instinctively? What do they do?

[stopdog]

The one I see does nothing. She does not know instinctively. I actually cannot imagine the woman being calming at all. She does stay back which I find a good thing. She will sometimes try shouting my name if I have gone away but I don't find it calming.

[noodlzzz]

I get panicky in T that spies are going to get me. I often get up to look through the window that there isn't anyone outside and my T talks to me calmly acknowledges what I'm experiencing but tries to reassure me that I should feel safe because she does. She gets me to sit back down to try and ground myself.

[skeksi]

My T is great when I'm scared. He talks very slowly and quietly and gets quite still. Kind of like if you were talking to a cornered wild animal, I think. When I'm dissociating, he will sometimes contort himself to get into my field of vision, and once in a while he will say my name softly.

I don't know if it's instinctual or if someone taught him these things, but it's very kind--and very helpful.

[feralkittymom]

My T had to try a few different things before we figured out that intervening earlier was best, and usually by saying my name softly and repeatedly and encouraging me to focus on him worked the best.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T usually tries to get my attention before I become too distressed, and as I've gotten to trust her, I've become more able to tell her early on that I'm starting to dissociate or that my panic is increasing. Sometimes, it comes on too fast, though, and catches us both by surprise. In those cases, my T will usually sit quietly and see if I can bring myself back in to the room. If I can't, she will gently and softly say my name, and ask me to just focus on one thing in the room. She'll talk me through breathing deeply and focusing on the present, and just stays calm and quiet until I feel more present and grounded.

My T is excellent at this and is very good at reading me and noticing the small changes so that we can keep things from spiraling out of control.

[MoxieDoxie]

I have not dissociated in therapy in a while and have not done any trauma work either in a while but when we did he had a few methods.

He ask me what time it was, how many pictures on the wall, what day it is, he would do a pillow toss with me asking me what the texture of the pillow feels like. It actually works pulling me back into the here and now.

If not dissociated and just fully triggered and crying he has a therapy dog in a crate he asks first if I would like him to come out. The dog is so sweet. Comes right up to my leg and leans on me. Lets me pet him and rub his belly.

T does not do that for me anymore. I feel like I am being punished some how or that I need to be able to comfort myself without help. Sigh

[Morgansangel]

Nothing, she just sits there until I've got myself sorted.

[lrt1978]

My T talks to me softly, and reassures me that I am safe and nothing bad is going to happen, she will repeat the you are safe a few times, then she grounds me and we talk about it x

[skysblue]

It hasn't happened too often in session that I've needed that kind of calming but my T will hold a safe quiet space in the room. I feel that she is right there with me. And then she'll intervene with a very gentle question or comment that is immediately soothing. I believe that the words have little importance, but that it's her 'presence' that is so helpful. I believe she has access to a bit of magic. I don't understand it and I could never explain it to anyone. It just is.

[healed84]

My t always reminds where I am at, what year it is, I am in his office, and I not in some unsafe place..

[granite1]

the newest thing is a blanket. she has had me bring in a blanket to keep in her office. when I start to got to scared I can wrap myself up . it actually helps me calm down some and feel a bit ssafer

[CantExplain]

Madame T did nothing to calm me down. That's one of my biggest complaints against her.
Mr T taught me breathing exercises and grounding techniques.

I haven't dissociated in a session in quite a long ime, but it used to be a very common problem. T really worked with me on grounding myself. Looking around the office and naming objects, getting me up and moving, etc. He became very astute at catching me before I was too far gone. Now he reminds me that nothing is happening to me now, that I am completely safe. Usually those reminders keep me from going into a tailspin now. Twice I actually began hyperventilating and he worked with me to slow my breathing. Glad those days are pretty much gone.

T varies in her responses, and I guess I vary in my reactions to her responses as well. I also admit to sometimes trying to elicit particular responses from her, not always consciously though. Because she is aware of this (and we've discussed it) sometimes she purposefully does not acknowledge my behavior. It can be a slippery slope for us.
Sometimes she will say my name and ask if I am "with her" softly; she might ask me to tell her what is going on for me, which helps me label my feelings or thoughts. Other times she will acknowledge my anxiety, which helps me feel less alone and somehow validates my feelings. She tells me "you are ok" and encourages me to focus on the present moment and my breathing. Once or twice she read a passage on imagery aloud. I agree that the words don't usually matter - it's just the calmness and familiarity of her voice, knowing she is safe and I am in a safe place.

[photostotake]

Very recently, as I was experiencing a panic attack in my Ts office, he just very calmly reminded me that I was ok and in a safe space. Said my name to bring me back as I was starting to dissociate also. My anxiety was still sky high afterwards so he randomly started talking about a recipe he had just made and then asked me how I was feeling after that. I knew that he was doing it to calm me down as a distraction and it worked. I really didn't need to know (ok, it was a little interesting) how he spends two days making his bolognese sauce. Told him he needs to share it with me next time- it sounded really good.

[MercilessShadow]

Only had 2 sessions with my therapist so far but I found out that just thinking about her when I'm having anxiety really helps.

[1stepatatime]

During my session yesterday we were going into some difficult territory. Stuff that I have never talked about. At one point I told my T that I felt myself shutting down...that the walls were going up. She gently asked me to take my arms and push them in towards my stomach while making fists with my hands...it felt weird because I've never done this before... but it is something that I can try when I feel myself shutting down or dissociating.

My newer T (I see 2) tried to say (when I would start getting wound up and speaking fast due to anxiety when speaking about something in particular)...."Can you do something for me? Can you slow down, breathe..." I am so used to and so tired of feeling like I can't just feel and talk and BE me at this point in my life.
My ex-T said I never "felt my feelings" enough so I felt like here I was, FEELING, and getting "feeling interruptus" right when I needed to be heard. I talked to newer T about it and now he understands I need to express myself no matter how anxious I sound first and then he can tell me to breathe or whatever else crap he wants to say...he tries, but I am SUPER anxious overall so there isn't much he can do to help with this, and I don't expect that as a role he should or will have in my therapy.

[Miswimmy1]

My new t does a horrible job at this. Our first session, I was a complete mess... cried the entire session. She just sat there. The session after that, she began our session by saying, "our last session did not go very well." no duh. It was one of the most miserable times of my life. so no, she does not know instinctively. And continues to not to what to do so I don't think she learns by trial and error either.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I believe that the words have little importance, but that it's her 'presence' that is so helpful. I believe she has access to a bit of magic. I don't understand it and I could never explain it to anyone. It just is.

This. My T kind of stays with me emotionally, if that makes any sense at all. He'll sit with me, talk quietly, no sudden movements. I get very sensitive to volume when I'm spacing out and have somehow established that if I say "Loud!" it means I need him to talk more quietly, even if he's not being loud in the first place.

Sometimes he says my name and I HATE that, because I hate my name. I really need to tell him this but am never in a frame of mind to do so when it comes up.

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

My new t does a horrible job at this. Our first session, I was a complete mess... cried the entire session. She just sat there. The session after that, she began our session by saying, "our last session did not go very well." no duh. It was one of the most miserable times of my life. so no, she does not know instinctively. And continues to not to what to do so I don't think she learns by trial and error either.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not sure crying = session gone badly, necessarily, maybe you needed to cry?

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by skeksi

My T is great when I'm scared. He talks very slowly and quietly and gets quite still. Kind of like if you were talking to a cornered wild animal, I think. When I'm dissociating, he will sometimes contort himself to get into my field of vision, and once in a while he will say my name softly.

I don't know if it's instinctual or if someone taught him these things, but it's very kind--and very helpful.

Mine does the same thing He lowers his voice and is extremely calm. He also does the contorting himself when I am dissociating. I really appreciate it that he seems so cognizant of what I am going through at the time.