[CantExplain]

Here is what I am sending to potential Ts:

Hi <new T>!

I have an issue with "strong" women, leading back of course to my mother. I have seen a handful of therapists, most notably a woman I saw for nine years. She was a strong woman, very much like my mother and we had a stormy but productive relationship. The attachment and transference were total, but I did not achieve the resolution I was looking for. A year ago we reached a parting of the ways and I am still angry and upset that I never got any closure. I would like to try again with someone similar, but warmer and more conciliatory. Might that be you?

<me>

[RTerroni]

Looks like a good letter to me.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Seems like that would be helpful for a therapist going in: you clearly address your goals and needs. Sounds like it could pave the way to a productive therapy alliance with the correct person. Good luck in your search for a good person to work with.

[CantExplain]

I've already got a reply! A fast email turn-around is a point very much in her favour.

Hullo <me>,

Thank you for your enquiry, and your honesty about your relationships, both personal, and with your previous therapist.
I would be very happy to meet with you, and we could then decide if the "fit" between us is comfortable.
I feel that you would find that I work in a different way from your previous therapist, perhaps less aggressive.
if you would like to meet with me, which location would suit you?
X, Y or Z?
Regards
<candidate T>

PS: If she is too warm and conciliatory, I won't attach in the right way and it might not work. I'll have to meet her, obviously.

PPS: How much and how soon? - Dr McCoy, The Search for Spock.

[Cherubbs]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Here is what I am sending to potential Ts:

Hi <new T>!

I have an issue with "strong" women, leading back of course to my mother. I have seen a handful of therapists, most notably a woman I saw for nine years. She was a strong woman, very much like my mother and we had a stormy but productive relationship. The attachment and transference were total, but I did not achieve the resolution I was looking for. A year ago we reached a parting of the ways and I am still angry and upset that I never got any closure. I would like to try again with someone similar, but warmer and more conciliatory. Might that be you?

<me>

What a very clever idea! I wish I was that tuned into myself, I really admire your self-awareness. I must ponder this some more. Nice.

[Favorite Jeans]

Wait, what happened to Mr T? Sorry if I missed that post.

[sweepy62]

Thats very straight to the point, and very well written, I hope you get responses, and let us know.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Wait, what happened to Mr T? Sorry if I missed that post.

I've still got him.

I mentioned that I wanted to try psycho-dynamic therapy with a new woman. He's cool with that.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I like your letter. Succinct, shoots straight and leaves no doubt as to what you want to work on. I also like the quick reply you got - sounds promising.

Oh and don't confuse warmth with weakness. This new woman might be warm and supportive AND bloody strong with it! There is a much profound strength in being able to look at everything in the murky depths of your mind and face it calmly. It is easier to bluster and be headstrong and obstinate and stereotypically 'strong' and actually avoid tougher and unpalatable stuff that way, imo. That goes for us all, therapists as well as us mere clients.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

Oh and don't confuse warmth with weakness.

I do not. But perhaps Madame T did.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I've still got him.

I mentioned that I wanted to try psycho-dynamic therapy with a new woman. He's cool with that.

Were you ever seeing both of them at the same time?

Its a great letter. And i am glad you already got a response. Keep us updated!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Were you ever seeing both of them at the same time?

No. I saw Mr T after I left Madame T.

What's going to happen next, I don't know yet.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

I like your letter. Succinct, shoots straight and leaves no doubt as to what you want to work on. I also like the quick reply you got - sounds promising.

Oh and don't confuse warmth with weakness. This new woman might be warm and supportive AND bloody strong with it! There is a much profound strength in being able to look at everything in the murky depths of your mind and face it calmly. It is easier to bluster and be headstrong and obstinate and stereotypically 'strong' and actually avoid tougher and unpalatable stuff that way, imo. That goes for us all, therapists as well as us mere clients.

That describes the difference between my last two male ts. The old one was something of a hard butt, while the current one SEEMS like a softie but actually does hold a line and goes very deep.