[widowlost]

I'm 39 survivor of both pysical and sexual abuse. I have severe depression and now ptsd after witnessing my husbands murder. I have been in and out of theropy since i wad a teen but i never found one i trusted
Then a about a yr and half after my husbands death we began family theropy with a lcsw and i later began seeing him one on one for theropy. Over time i fell in love with him ad a person and feel like he gets me and i can talk to him like i could my husband. I stopped seeing him because i couldn't stop thinking about him and thought a break would be good. Now over a year later i still have feelings for him and want to start seeing him again ad i need theropy bad and he's the only one i trust. I'm not crazy i have no delussions that him and i will ever be together. I know its just professional.

[growlycat]

I am so sorry for your horrific experience and loss. A therapist can deal with these feelings, so it is better to be in therapy than not to be. A T can tell you what your loving feelings mean and can use them in a therapeutic way.

Since you are grounded and know that a romantic relationship can't come from this, then I think you will be ok. Keep posting.

[DePressMe]

widowlost, I love my pdoc too (he does therapy). There is nothing wrong with it. It's a natural reaction to the therapeutic process. Really, I see it as a positive thing because its a sign of trust--as long as you keep it in perspective and know it will be professional.....dmc

I think somewhere in our early development when we didn't get the care and love we needed we as we reached adulthood, we eroticised those split of needs and projected them and see them as "loving another". When infact we're playing all the parts on that drama.

[Miswimmy1]

I think you should talk to someone about these feelings. Transference is normal. I'm not sure how theraputic it would be to continue seeing a therapist that you feel romantically about tho

[widowlost]

The problem is he is the only person in my life i can talk to for real. I truely have no one to trust and i am past on the edge right now. I need his help past any feelings i may have towards him.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by widowlost

The problem is he is the only person in my life i can talk to for real. I truely have no one to trust and i am past on the edge right now. I need his help past any feelings i may have towards him.

Sounds like there's not much to lose in contacting him? I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now.

At the same time, I've been in the position before when I thought there was only one person (not a T) I thought I could trust. Turns out I was wrong and my capacity for trust was different from what I initially thought. Not to downplay your thoughts and feelings on the matter, just sharing another experience.

[widowlost]

I know your not down playing. I just have my daughter son and grandson mainly my daughter as my son moved away. I can't talk to an 18 yr old about everything especially stuff to do with witnessing her dads murder and i can't very well tell her i feel obligated to her to live when i really don't care to and it makes me bitter
My siblings have distanced themselves since my husband died
They could not handle the sadness
My sister has a lot on her plate anyway and only answers her phone to anyone one day a week
One brother is to young the other is a recovering alcoholic and we haven't. really had much contact since rehab. I have no friends
I have had 4 theropist in the last yr and due to program and transpertation issues they just didn't workout. However i did really like one of them. But I'm just tired of breaking in a new t
I have done most of my stuff with above theropist and he knows everything from childhood on up. And i just frankly miss having him to talk to and to even call me on my bs
I made progress when i saw h. I felt good about the work we did, I trusted him, i wanted to live and do good for myself
I don't sexually think about him. I just feel like he's a soul mate. Like i want him in my life forever to talk to . Etc. I don't even like sex. I just really miss my husband whom always said he spoke my language meaning he got me on a level no one ever could. I have a hard time expressing myself but we got each other
We could lay in bed just talking all night long. We could finish each others sentences after 13 yrs of marraige. I never thought i could find that in anyone else
Well my T is just like him in that regard minus the laying in bed. He gets me and not just on a t level it feels more like a friend level
We complete each others sentences and i can often tell exactly what he's thinking as he can i. I know he would never cross a line and date me. I just miss him. And i am beyond lonely.