[skysblue]

At my last session, T invited me to email whenever I wanted. I remember when I began seeing her and I wanted to send her something by email, she politely declined and said she seldom checks her email.

I received her 'sidestepping' as a boundary being erected and although not completely happy about it, I was also a bit relieved.

The reason I was relieved is because I was concerned that if email was an option of communicating with her, I may not be able to resist overdoing it. Would my compulsions become too much and would I be in agony with my desire to email a lot? The struggle to resist would be an added aspect to my therapy process.

So, that boundary probably saved me a lot of pain and suffering.

Now that she's inviting me to email, I'm not sure if she knows what kind of Pandora's box she might be opening. I don't think I'll be able to email ever because I'm not sure how I'd be able to limit myself to just a few words. I tend to be prolific when I begin writing.

Texting is perfect. It's like tweeting - get your point across in fewer words. And condensing my thought/feelings into lesser words has been helpful. The times I've texted when I'm having an emotional meltdown have been very helpful. Concise and clear. And T will respond also in just a few words and all is good again.

Has anyone ever been offered email after almost 3 years in therapy and if so, how did you use it?

[wotchermuggle]

I was offered email by a T several years in when I was moving away for school (away for school, back home for placement) so we could keep in touch in between. That T wasn't really good with emailing as you never had any idea if he would reply or when, and often it was so brief it was pointless. I ended up just not using it.

Current T also offered, but at the near beginning of therapy. I didn't use it the first year, just because I wasn't convinced it wouldn't be a burden to T or that it would be a positive experience.

[tealBumblebee]

I initially contacted my T through email, she replied (pretty in depth) but once we met in person she never told me if it was acceptable or not (really we haven't addressed many boundaries) and so in the beginning I would send her emails and start off with, "let me know if you want me to stop emailing you and I will." I think in a way I wanted her to tell me to stop because I wanted to see that she was just as mean as everyone else. However, she never commented on it at all. She would just say, "I received your email!" and go into it. So I never knew if it was okay.

Then I had an emotional explosion and she got two emails, one very short brief and the other a four page letter. She told me she was not upset by the email and THEN (after a month in) she finally said "you can email me whenever you want to." Funny thing is, ever since she's offered it - i haven't sent an email since. Just last session she even mentioned how she missed getting my emails.

I email. In the beginning I found it scary.
Actually it's been an important part of my therapy over the years.
I use to go through hours of paranoia when T sometimes didn't respond for some hrs. But it taught me to understand that adults have life's and can't always respond immediately but that doesn't mean they're not interested etc.
I've used that in my own life now. I respond when I can and am comfortable with a that now. Before I use to think everything had to happen NOW!

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I email. In the beginning I found it scary.
Actually it's been an important part of my therapy over the years.
I use to go through hours of paranoia when T sometimes didn't respond for some hrs. But it taught me to understand that adults have life's and can't always respond immediately but that doesn't mean they're not interested etc.
I've used that in my own life now. I respond when I can and am comfortable with a that now. Before I use to think everything had to happen NOW!

Hey thats a good lesson!

[MoxieDoxie]

T#1 does not like emails but has responded to every email I sent him. He does not like doing "on line" therapy and tone of the message can be interperted wrong. Now T#2 encouraged me from session #1 to reach out to him as much as I needed by email and he would respond and if needed call me. It made me feels nurtured, supported and not so alone. I did email him up to 3x a week and over the last 6 months I do not email him at all some weeks. I do not feel as needy.

[tinyrabbit]

I email. It has helped me open up about difficult things and feel connected to my T.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I email. In the beginning I found it scary.
Actually it's been an important part of my therapy over the years.
I use to go through hours of paranoia when T sometimes didn't respond for some hrs. But it taught me to understand that adults have life's and can't always respond immediately but that doesn't mean they're not interested etc.
I've used that in my own life now. I respond when I can and am comfortable with a that now. Before I use to think everything had to happen NOW!

I could have written this word for word!

I started emailing because I used texting inappropriately. But in the first email I stipulated that I wanted a yes/no response as I knew anything else would be open to interpretation. Well T ignored this as he thought it was rude just to say yes or no. Well that resulted in a meltdown of epic proportions on my part and after some discussion it was agreed that he would respond by acknowledging me and we would discuss it at my next session. This has worked so far. Fingers crossed.

[ThisWayOut]

I emailed with my last t because it was easier to say things that way. It was agreed that he would not respond through email (unless it was a request for a web site he had given me during session or something like that), but we would talk about it the following session. I never knew when he read them, but he always had done it by the following session.
This t has not opened up the email option, so I have not done it (though I prefer getting the info to her through email).

[tinyrabbit]

The more my T reassures me that it's okay to email him, the less I feel the need to do it. I did it much more when I wasn't sure if it was annoying him.

I don't mean I want to annoy him! I mean I feel more secure.

[skysblue]

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. I suspect I will not begin emailing my T. I would feel like I'm burdening her. She will have to insist that that is not the case.

A couple of years ago when I was on vacation I wrote real letters and put them in a real mailbox with real stamps. I got charged quite a bit for her reading them. So, I feel kinda burned by that experience.

[bluemountains]

When I was very vulnerable, I would occasionally email my t. Then I would feel panicky until I got a response. My first t would not offer any advice unless she could tell that I was in a very bad place. I didn't bother with my second t because I didn't like her. My third t would send me long responses. With my current t, I haven't emailed her with any therapy problems, only to ask for an appointment change. She was very prompt with her reply. Still, I am hoping to stay away from email because I hate waiting for a response.
Bluemountains

[Miswimmy1]

Emailing can be great- but it can also be a temptation for both the therapist and the client. My advice: tread carefully. Make sure boundaries are in place. If you begin to notice that more is taking place in email than in session, then you have to be able to bring that up, because that could easily become a boundary violation.

[sugahorse1]

I email sometimes. T has only offered this to me in the last month or so.
I am also having to learn to not overdo it, and so far so good. It allows me to talk much more openly. T doesn't respond much to my mails, but does acknowledge and says we'll talk about it in session

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I am also having to learn to not overdo it, and so far so good.

I'm not sure I'd be able to not 'overdo it'. I tend to write a lot and it would be much too tempting if I every began to email. So far, short texts is probably best for me. Distilling the thoughts/feelings is kinda zen like.