[DelusionsDaily]

So I had to sign another contract this time with T...pretty much taken right from Pdoc's and added another stipulation. I really dont know how to feel about this. I feel like Im being punished for having something wrong with me. I feel like I have to be superhuman and not mess up once or they will both terminate. Its really frustrating not even sure I want help anymore if it has come to this.

[Favorite Jeans]

That sounds really hard. I'm sorry you're going through it.

I think the contract is precisely to get at that "not sure I even want help" feeling.

[MoxieDoxie]

Wow.............I say at this moment.........no how..........no way......would I sign any contract. Easier said then done when you are attached to a T and they hand you this contract to sign. What would happen if you said no? Would they kick you out and tell you do not come back until you sign?

It is a safety and liability issue in your case Melissa. They probably are needing to cover their bases with your case in the event you make another attempt. This happens when your safety and stability are in serious question. We don't like it, and we are certainly free to walk away from their help, but they do have your life and safety, your best interests, in mind here. I've been there myself. Not fun, but this may be what gets you through alive.

Freedom of contract dictates the ability to negotiate all terms.
Both parties are supposed to sign.
Drag out negotiations.
Knowing your rights is important. You can certainly argue that they've taken advantage of you.
If choice is the most valuable asset that we have, why were you not afforded the right to choose to negotiate the terms?
Btw if they don't sign also then they can change the terms anytime they want.

[elliemay]

You don't have to sign, however I would. It sounds as though your team is stepping up here and providing a structured framework for your health. The boundaries are very clear and you have a clear path to follow.

It sounds as though they are going to walk it with you.

Seems okay to me.

[DelusionsDaily]

It feels more like they are looking out for ONLY themselves and could careless about me to be honest...not so much looking out for me. There was no "talking" about the contract. It was only yes or no.

[elliemay]

If you look at the situation as objectively as you can, can you see perhaps how this is not "them against you".

I mean they could have just walked away. That's their option too.

They didn't. They worked together to lay out a plan to move forward.

You either agree or not.

Seems to me they have committed to you and are trying to get you to commit to yourself.

I agree with elliemay. If they didn't care about you, they would have just told you to find new care providers, that they could no longer help you or work with you. Instead, they are trying to find a way to help you, keep you safe, keep you alive.

[growlycat]

What is the newly added term?

[DelusionsDaily]

DBT at a college 45 minutes away and if I miss once She(the T) will terminate

[growlycat]

It does sound overwhelming but I don't think it's a bad idea to try all of this out--your T's seem freaked out by your safety. They just need to be reassured you are "with the program" for a while.

[stopdog]

Do you have to stick with these guys or could you try some other therapist and psychiatrist?

[anilam]

Just wondering- miss once without calling/texting you won't be coming?
If so I think most of the contract is fine- however, the part about adds for a job is stg I consider a way too far - it may be in your best interest but its not stg they.should be forcing on you...
But as I wrote in your other thread I think you should sign- you are unsafe now and in no position to look for another T/ pdoc so go with it for now but say that you want this contract to be reconsidered after some time and or you'll be looking for some other professional.

[DelusionsDaily]

Im not in any danger now. I am perfectly fine to make my own choices. Im just afraid with my history I wont be able to find other health providers? I dunno what to do...i feel very cornered by the contract and Im bound to sabotage it. That is what I do when I feel cornered.

[A Red Panda]

Well... if they are aware of the fact that you tend to sabotage things when you feel cornered, then it must mean that they think you're going to be able to handle it this time.

I'd be the most worried about them saying that you can't miss things. Are you allowed to call and cancel if you need to? Or is that out?

It sounds like you have nothing to lose though. Either sign it and try your best, or don't sign it and be terminated right away anyway.

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

Im not in any danger now. I am perfectly fine to make my own choices. Im just afraid with my history I wont be able to find other health providers? I dunno what to do...i feel very cornered by the contract and Im bound to sabotage it. That is what I do when I feel cornered.

Just last night though, you posted that you wanted to SH, so it doesn't sound like you are as fine or safe as you are saying here. And saying you will sabotage your care is exactly why your pdoc and T need to hold you to a plan. Otherwise, you are going to keep spinning your wheels without progress and continue to place yourself in unsafe, unhelpful situations.

The one thing you need to clarify is how to handle situations when you are legitimately ill or something truly happens that makes it impossible to get to an appointment. Those things are generally rare, but they do happen and there should be something in your contracts to allow for such instances.

It's a mind game.
This contract is abusive.

[DelusionsDaily]

SH isnt nearly as bad as suicidal stuff. So if thats as good as it gets for me right now then I consider that pretty good. Maybe im more sick than I realize...is that what you are trying to say 1914Sierra?

[Favorite Jeans]

Melissa, if you trust them so little, where's the conflict? What keeps you from finding someone you feel better about? Have they ever shown themselves to be competent or trustworthy or caring at other times? Do you want them?

The contract lays out the terms of your relationship with your mental health team, right? I don't fully get everyone's reticence here. You are free not to sign and find someone else. You are free to sign and then break the contract too. I'm not advocating this but pointing out that it doesn't say they'll throw you in jail for breaking the contract, just that you won't be able to work with them anymore.

For whatever reason, they're saying that they require an all-or-nothing commitment from you. You are free to say you want nothing.

But I suspect that you actually want a lot. You want love. You want them to be committed to you. You want to hate them and scream at them and slam the door and have them come to your room with hot chocolate to comfort you and say they love you no matter what. It's tragic because we all need that in childhood and therapy can only approximate that kind of firm, forgiving, unconditional love to an extent. Your therapist, no matter how wonderful and caring, just doesn't have the same responsibility toward you as your parents did. But that approximation can still be really healing. The thing is that, unlike in childhood, you bear a lot of responsibility for your well-being and for your part of the relationship with your T (or team or whatever.) They are spelling this out for you. They are saying "we do care, but there are conditions." They are saying "we can't care more about your wellness than you do."

Change is really, really scary. Who might you be if you let go of your most dysfunctional ways? Maybe you can't even picture a healthy version of you. It's a leap of faith. If you really work it hard, it could be the most exciting, rewarding adventure of your life. But you really have to want it.

[Victoria'smom]

If you have no job how do they expect you to drive 45 min to DBT? How often is it? They do sound concerned do you think PHP is a better option for a little or a combination of the two?

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

But I suspect that you actually want a lot. You want love. You want them to be committed to you. You want to hate them and scream at them and slam the door and have them come to your room with hot chocolate to comfort you and say they love you no matter what. It's tragic because we all need that in childhood and therapy can only approximate that kind of firm, forgiving, unconditional love to an extent. Your therapist, no matter how wonderful and caring, just doesn't have the same responsibility toward you as your parents did. But that approximation can still be really healing. The thing is that, unlike in childhood, you bear a lot of responsibility for your well-being and for your part of the relationship with your T (or team or whatever.) They are spelling this out for you. They are saying "we do care, but there are conditions." They are saying "we can't care more about your wellness than you do."

And they are saying: "We want you to care as much as we do." Melissa, I don't think you are being punished here. I think maybe you need someone to lay down the law and insist that you matter, that you deserve to heal, that you are important.