[lightcatcher]

Hi everyone, seen T this week and we discussed the past. We had done this before but T wanted more details etc. Now I've noticed that when I'm uneasy I shake my leg or fidget.

This week however was different, a lot different.... I felt my whole body trembling, like when your cold to the bone and your shivering uncontrollable. I tried to cover this as I do with everything, T didn't say anything about it but I think I did well at covering it.

I guess I'm just wondering what this means, haha, I'm not good at feelings and stuff so please share :-). Also what are other people's physical reactions?

[Solepa]

Hello lightcatcher,
I can very much relate to what you just posted. I do not have much emotions going on inside of me ( I probably shut them off long time ago) and my body reacts when I´m experiencing something that normaly would be emotional or hard.
I shake my leg and fidget when I get nervous and my hands often shake a little too.

When I was talking about one trauma for the first time ever in therapy that exact same thing happened as you are describing. I started to shake really really bad my whole body did. I did not feel much emotionally but the physical reaction was pretty strong. My T noticed bc I wanted to lift a glass of water and have a drink and I could not lift it up how my hands were shaking.

My T said it is bc I do not let emotions express my distress the body does the job. It kinda makes sense. I always have physical reactions rather then emotional. I also developed some psychosomatic problems bc of this.

I don´t know if you can relate or if it is any help to you but I wish you best of luck with your healing and getting better.

[lightcatcher]

Solepa, thank you for sharing! I can relate to what you are saying completely. I've just never felt it so strongly until this week. I guess emotions have to come out one way or another huh, if not verbally it will come out physically. It's just hard to talk of emotions when you don't know. I feel like learning a different language would be easier than trying to talk about feelings!

[growlycat]

Just recently, I had the leg shaking thing with cbt t when telling him my "backstory".

Today w/cbt guy I picked at my fingernail cuticles until they bled, scratched my right hand until that bled too.

I don't self harm but these actions feel like an involuntary form of self harming. cbt T does not mention it either

[Aloneandafraid]

I can relate to the trembling and feeling cold to the bone. Its really weird as the room is usually quite warm but I just seem to freeze (literally). I also find my voice goes different (higher?) and I have to squeeze every last word out as if my throat is closing up. It is really odd. I want to ask for a hug or reassurance but I cant as I am too scared that she will reject me. I feel so vulnerable and alone in that room.

All these sorts of things are 'normal' for mental illness. Is there a reason why you tried to hide it from your T? They are very good at reading body language and its likely they picked it up anyway.

[lightcatcher]

Supanova, it was at the end of the session when it really kicked in. I wouldn't know what to say about how I was feeling at that point? And I was a bit surprised by he overwhelming ness of it all at that point.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Usually, when I have something like that happen it means that I'm feeling extremely emotional about the topic, but not feeling able to express the emotion (maybe anxiety, maybe fear, maybe anger, whatever).

I used to just try to hide it from T and push through. With the help of T (who did always notice), I've learned to tell her when something like that is happening, and we talk through what is going on in my body and see if I can explore that further and get to the actual emotion.

At first, I would just tell T that I was feeling "overwhelmed" and describe the physical sensations to her. Now, I can start with the physical sensations and work my way to the emotion, which I can then sometimes manage to express. I've found that it really does help if you can tell T when these things happen, and then work through them.

[stopdog]

I usually throw up before therapy appointments. While there, I physically shake and sometimes cannot speak (I can think - but when I go to talk - nothing comes out)

Several times I have had the experience of feeling cold and shaking or shivering for hours after an appointment. I discussed it with my T and he now helps me close the sessions more -- if that makes sense. He takes more time at the end of the session to make sure that I am grounded and stable and not shaky before I leave.

Happens to me quite a lot, yes.

Sometimes I go cold if I emotionally shut down at some level - but I can be so cut off from my body that I don't realise. Often T would say to me that my feet looked a funny colour, were they cold, and I would feel them and they were... or we would hug at the end and she would comment that my hands were icy. I don't usually have issues with cold hands or feet, it seemed to be a response to something.

I have tended to fidget quite a lot in therapy... usually with jewellery, picking at my nail varnish, or tracing patterns on the arm of the chair... not something I do 'on purpose' but I have noticed myself doing it.

A few weeks ago my T asked me if I was angry, I said no, and she asked 'then why is your leg shaking?' And she had previously commented that she could tell if I didn't like what I was hearing because my mouth and nose would twitch. I didn't realise I was doing these things.

I used to have intense panic attacks the day after therapy, and this happened quite routinely for a while, it only started a number of months into therapy and then it got less and less and stopped again. I could only think put it down to some kind of separation anxiety as attachment issues surfaced.

[Freewilled]

I've had my entire insides shake uncontrollably during session - interestingly we were talking about anger. I hid it from my T too