I feel completely hurt and insignificant from my therapy with my T today. Last week's session ended with me sharing with her my tumblr page where it is easier for me to get out exactly what I'm feeling via reblogging different images and things that capture my emotions and what is going through my head than it is for me to journal (even though I'm still trying my best to journal)..and I let her know this. She pulled it up on her computer before I left and said she would look at it. I told her I wanted her to freely look through it. Anyways today in therapy we talked for a little bit about randomness before I remembered to bring it up, but I asked her if she had a chance to look through my "online journal" (as I call it) and she told me no she didn't have a chance since she was swamped with so much work. Now I totally understand that and was fine with that even though I was really hoping she had a good look at that and was really kinda looking forward to her having seen it because me sharing that with her is me really trying to open up and I figured we could talk about my emotions/thoughts more in depth from me sharing that, but she went on to say that she doesn't like looking/going through people's pages online....well why would you go ahead with me sharing it with you, be interested in knowing more about it and go as far as to pull it up on your computer yourself and minimize it to your desk top to "look at later" if you never had plans to look at it in the first place??? I felt that door being slammed in my face once again..that door of rejection. I feel angry, hurt, more sadness then before, useless, worthless, and like shutting down (who am I kidding I am shutting down again) because I don't matter and me trying doesn't matter..not even to my T. I was trying and she slammed the door in my face. I'm a failure. I can hardly catch my breath from crying so much.

I'm sorry for this pathetic/passive post.

[CantExplain]

((kneehole))

That wasn't very validating, was it?

[anilam]

OK, she doesn't like going through ppl's stuff- TBH, when these things are truly personal I find it awkward too and won't read them- so how about you two spending a session reading/looking through your "journal" together. You could talk to her about it immediately, give more info...
If this it that important for you I think you need to discuss it with her.