Does anyone else feel like they don't let everything out to their T? I feel emotionless and try to make myself seem so fine and downplay so much, yet I feel like I'm screaming my head off inside and holding myself hostage. I have thoughts of wanting to kill myself constantly...I have urges to filet my wrists open like a fish with my razor or the nearest sharp object. I can't stand myself.

[Leah123]

It's very common to hold back in therapy. Why would it be easy to share all of our most destructive, embarrassing, shameful, confusing, upsetting issues with someone? Hopefully though, as the therapy progresses, it gets a little bit easier every week until you do feel safe enough to share a little bit more. If you're worried you will hurt yourself, if it's going beyond thinking about it, I encourage you to push yourself a little bit: print this out or email it to your therapist, or call a crisis line, or do whatever it takes to be safe. If it's intrusive thoughts, but you're not going to act on them, well, you've already been toughing it out a while, which I'm sorry for, but sharing it here is a great step, and I trust that if you're with a good therapist, you'll get to the point where you see it is safe to trust them to help you and not judge you since their sole purpose is to be your partner in making a good life for yourself.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by kneehole

...yet I feel like I'm screaming my head off inside and holding myself hostage. I have thoughts of wanting to kill myself constantly...I have urges to filet my wrists open like a fish with my razor or the nearest sharp object. I can't stand myself.

I hope that you feel comfortable and able to tell your T this.

Hang on in there xx

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by kneehole

Does anyone else feel like they don't let everything out to their T? I feel emotionless and try to make myself seem so fine and downplay so much, yet I feel like I'm screaming my head off inside and holding myself hostage. I have thoughts of wanting to kill myself constantly...I have urges to filet my wrists open like a fish with my razor or the nearest sharp object. I can't stand myself.

I understand totally about downplaying everything. Take good care of yourself and do try to talk to your T about what you are really feeling. It will help.

[RTerroni]

I hold back a lot when meeting with my Therapist (but still mention the things that I think are most relevant)