I think therapy is making me worse

IndestructibleGirl · Sep 20, 2013 at 06:01 PM

After the tension I went through yesterday wondering what was up with the therapist/ if I'd messed up, we fixed it. She apologized for being busy yesterday, I'm cool with that, she helped me today with a really helpful call. I am grateful, and get that it was my own catastrophic mind that was trying to condemn the therapeutic relationship.

But. Here's the thing. I feel like a complete mess. It's like all I can think about now are my issues (the ones that drove me to seek help in the first place) and I'm terrified of the weekend stretching ahead empty because I can't force myself to go out. I canceled socializing tonight, I dunno if I'll get out of bed tomorrow. I'm great while I have my work to focus on, but at home I am a mess. I have loads of stuff to do too, and I just can't concentrate.

I know ignoring reality is not the solution, but facing up to it is ripping me apart

unaluna · Sep 20, 2013 at 06:43 PM

That's what my family always said to me, that therapy is making me worse, and what kind of psychologist comes between family? I think what they meant is, therapy is making me inconvenient to them. Are you getting those kinds of messages, or is it just hard to manage your own feelings? In the latter case, from my experience, I would advise trying to carry on as normally as possible; if not, at least try to pamper or improve yourself in some way.

Leah123 · Sep 20, 2013 at 06:45 PM

I could have written this post. I'm so sorry you're struggling this. However, I've been in therapy a while now, and I know that although I feel this way, I have seen concrete improvement in my day-to-day life and that when I'm suffering and struggling the most is probably when I have the biggest chance of it paying off. Therapy does challenge us, invite us to change dysfunctions, and that process means we will feel off balance, out of sorts, even obsessed with the process at times. I know I do. I think the key is to try and work it through with our therapists, share that feeling, take extra good care of ourselves, stay focused on our goals, and remember that this too shall pass.

Good luck with it!

kaliope · Sep 20, 2013 at 06:50 PM

just know that it is normal to get worse before you get better. you've got to unravel everything before you can piece life back together the way you want it to be. you sort thru the mess and decide what elements you want to keep and what you want to get rid of. you only get a good look at it when it is lying in a mess all around you. that is the way I look at it anyway. take care.

Favorite Jeans · Sep 20, 2013 at 06:53 PM

Yup. It's so brutal sometimes. It's like your brain gets stuck on the therapy channel! It does make you worse for a time but, in theory anyway, you're playing the long game. So temporary pain for long-term gain.

If you didn't have issues that could cause you so much pain, therapy wouldn't be able to elicit this kind of reaction from you. So as you dredge it all up it's all awful. But eventually the issues lose some of their hold on you. And it starts to feel better.

IndestructibleGirl · Sep 20, 2013 at 07:02 PM

Thank you all so much, it's comforting to know others feel this searingly at times too. Though of course I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There's no way I'm quitting though, I could not shove all my trauma back into the murky recesses of my mind. It wouldn't fit there anymore, and I'm tired of having murk there at all. I want to clean it up.

I've hugged everyone (because I am truly grateful, and having this site is proving to be a godsend) and hope that's not a PC faux-pas - if anyone isn't cool with hugs please just tell me and I'll remove 'em.

1stepatatime · Sep 20, 2013 at 07:03 PM

I'm there with you...yes, it can make you feel worse at times. It can make you obsess about it, your T, your progress, cause you to doubt the process, make you wonder what the hell you are doing there,etc. But the longer I experience this the more I am realizing that yes, I need to be there...at the same time it is comforting...go figure!!

Victoria'smom · Sep 20, 2013 at 07:57 PM

I told my therapist this a couple of weeks ago. She was frustrated but after I explained. She told me the improvements that she has seen. I talked more about how annoying it is to question your reality. She smiled and told me that's what therapy is souppose to do. So I guess it gets worse until you get use to being "normal". I swear "normal" people don't think this much.

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I think therapy is making me worse

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