[TigerTHC]

i have difficulty making eye contact with my T when I speak. When she speaks its okay.
But sometimes I tell her something, and eventually notice that I haven't looked at her for a while, so then I look at her, and she doesn't make eye contact. She looks past me, almost as if she deliberately doesn't want to look at me. Why would that be?

My T does this, too. I believe it is so that you won't look up and find the T staring at you, because that could easily feel very uncomfortable. It's a way of giving the client a bit of space, is how I think about it. I used to think that my T might be missing what was going on with me if he wasn't looking at me, but he is very good at noticing stuff anyway, I have found.

It's always okay to ask a T why they act like they do.

[TigerTHC]

Thanks Mastodon, I suppose I should ask her. Sometime I look up and look at her for a while, but she still doesn't look at me. It must be some technique or something...its not normal.

[stopdog]

Therapists are not normal when they are acting as therapists.

[TigerTHC]

LOL True

[unlockingsanity]

Very interesting thread. My T almost always seems to be looking at me. Not in a stare-down way, just in a I'm-genuinely-listening-to-you way.

[atomicc]

I have all sorts of eye contact to begin with but especially in therapy. I'll realize I'm not looking and then I purposely will..then I'll feel like she knows I'm forcing the eye contact
>.<

[RTerroni]

I do sometimes have trouble making eye contact with certain people, although with my last few Therapists (mainly due to them being fairly young in age) I have a little less trouble in maintaing eye contact (although my eyes do wander from time to time).

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by TigerTHC

i have difficulty making eye contact with my T when I speak. When she speaks its okay.
But sometimes I tell her something, and eventually notice that I haven't looked at her for a while, so then I look at her, and she doesn't make eye contact. She looks past me, almost as if she deliberately doesn't want to look at me. Why would that be?

I know just what you mean! Mine does exactly the same. Is it something they're are taught do you think?! It is really strange & I have wondered about this - I thought it was just me - thanks for this thread.

[tinyrabbit]

My T keeps trying to get me to make eye contact. I find it SO HARD.

[A Red Panda]

I make eye contact sometimes. Either when nothing is being said that is overly hard for me to consider, or if I realized I've not made any eye contact in ages I'll force myself to look at my T. I don't tend to ever make eye contact if I'm really thinking - it distracts me and makes me uncomfortable no matter where I am or who I'm with. Like.. even here on the computer? When I'm putting my thoughts together I usually look to the side.

Seeing as my T makes me think and asks me questions that I don't know how to answer... I tend to not look at him much.

But he's always looking at me, but it doesn't feel like a staring-at-me. For all I know he doesn't really look at me until I turn my head back, because my entire head tends to turn partially away.

[lightcatcher]

I can do eye contact with others no problem. With T however I feel like she sees me right to the core, and its nothing I'm use to. She is very good at holding eye contact. I just feel so little and vulnerable that I can't, or I'll look, then away and repeat.

[TigerTHC]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I know just what you mean! Mine does exactly the same. Is it something they're are taught do you think?! It is really strange & I have wondered about this - I thought it was just me - thanks for this thread.

oh i'm so glad it's not just me. I think it's something that they're taught to do, for some strange reason

[TigerTHC]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I know just what you mean! Mine does exactly the same. Is it something they're are taught do you think?! It is really strange & I have wondered about this - I thought it was just me - thanks for this thread.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I make eye contact sometimes. Either when nothing is being said that is overly hard for me to consider, or if I realized I've not made any eye contact in ages I'll force myself to look at my T. I don't tend to ever make eye contact if I'm really thinking - it distracts me and makes me uncomfortable no matter where I am or who I'm with. Like.. even here on the computer? When I'm putting my thoughts together I usually look to the side.

Seeing as my T makes me think and asks me questions that I don't know how to answer... I tend to not look at him much.

But he's always looking at me, but it doesn't feel like a staring-at-me. For all I know he doesn't really look at me until I turn my head back, because my entire head tends to turn partially away.

Ja this is true. i do the same. and she asks a lot of thinking questions too

thanks for this

I very rarely make eye contact but when I do its like looking in mirror. He has the same colour eyes as me, and my brother (steel-blue) with a touch of sadness about them sometimes.

[Victoria'smom]

My eye contact varies as much as how animated I am, where in t's office I sit, and the "size" I am in my chair. It's amazing how small you can make yourself in office chairs.

[tinyrabbit]

I suspect my inability to make eye contact may be some kind of dissociative thing.

[pbutton]

I am terrible at eye contact, although I have noticed that my Lexapro seems to be making it better. Neither of my T's has ever commented on it. I talk to the carpet a lot.

[RTerroni]

I guess another reason why I am more able to keep eye contact with my current Therapist is because we meet in a nearly empty room so there is not much else to look at.

[phaset]

Mine has never commented on eye contact, but she has said she wants me to look up and not at the floor. That was hard at first. I tried looking her in the eyes for a few seconds once and it was completely overwhelming. I can look at her mouth though.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I suspect my inability to make eye contact may be some kind of dissociative thing.

I personally feel, eye contact can be a trust thing, an opening oneself up to being vulnerable thing, and at times, it can be about sincerity.

I tend to, life in general, have found myself, overcoming my desire to divert eye contact with others, not just therapists. As though, to not want to feel connected to them.

It took me, years to be able to trust sincerity of eye contact. I make eye contact with both my talk therapist and pdoc, now. I even make eye contact with my neurologist. Many people, it's a brief look, with them, can hold a conversation that includes eye contact. Takes time to reach such a level. I've been on and off again with the talk therapist, I have now, for about 4 years. And have been consistently a patient with my pdoc for over 4.5 years, and with the same neurologist for 6 years.

[tinyrabbit]

So last session I figured out that my problem isn't really looking at my T - it's looking at my T and having him look at me at the same time. I've found it's much easier if I put my hands over my eyes and peek through them, silly as it may sound.

[mcl6136]

I think the more I talked about making eye contact, the harder it is to actually do.

Kind of a performance anxiety thing! Like the centipede overthinking the walk....