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How do you know that your T's mind is not wandering when you are in session?
What specific signs let you know that T is not planning dinner or thinking about how tired they are?
How much time do you think their mind wanders during session?

[stopdog]

The therapist's mind probably is wandering. If the therapist is relatively not awful, then they have learned how not to let it show for the most part. I don't particularly worry about it because there is nothing I can do about it and I don't really think it makes a difference whether the therapist is paying attention or not.

Why do you ask? Did the therapist you see do (or not do) something?

[RTerroni]

I would be very angry if I knew that my Therapist's mind was wandering, they are supposed to be trained not to do that.

[A Red Panda]

I know that my T's mind isn't wandering (at least, it's more focused on what we're talking about than mine is!) because he can reword the things I'm saying, and connect them with things I've said either earlier in the session or in the past. He rewords it all and it makes more sense. I figure he's got to be paying attention to be able to restate stuff I say in a clearer manner.

Although his mind was obviously wandering the other day - instead of writing the date on the card (he always gives out a card with the next appointment day and time) he wrote my name and the time. No date. haha. And he'd left out the second apointment (he was giving the time and date for the pdoc apointment and the next one with him). We were talking while he filled it out - but I managed to input both dates into my phone and he managed to mess up the card. I got home at laughed when I saw the card a few days later.

[sunrise]

I have asked my T if he ever gets tired and starts to fall asleep with clients and he says generally not. He says if he is feeling sleepy, he will put his hand up to his earlobe and pinch it hard to wake himself up. Try it, it hurts! Ha ha so now I know if I see my T put his hand up to his ear when I'm with him, he may be falling asleep. He also tries to have a couple snacks throughout the day because his blood sugar gets low and it's harder to focus. So I certainly don't mind if he has a snack while I'm there, because that means he will be more alert during my appointment.

[growlithing]

Her mind can't wander with me. I don't talk enough on my own to make that happen. I need her to ask me questions and continually bring me back or I will either say nothing or I'll just start going on about pointless things like how much I hate the interior design of the room.

[doyoutrustme]

Mine's isn't. he notices small things that I don't. The only one not paying attention is me.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't think my T wanders off but if she does it's okay.

[LadyShadow]

I don't think my therapist's mind wanders. He is very focused in our sessions and he remembers things and stays with me when I am talking. He also provides insight on subjects we are discussing and always seems to be in the moment with me.

But if he did look tired or if his mind wanders I wouldn't mind. He is human too.

[content30]

Honestly, I think my mind might wander more than my T's, and my mind doesn't wander much in therapy. Like others said, my T listens and will reframe things for me and offer input often. She shows appropriate emotions depending on what I say. Also, I'm an animated person and like to make occasional witty comments. I'm not saying that I'm fantastically enthralling. However, I don't generally have a problem keeping someone's attention. She is human; her mind will wander occasionally. She has told me that I'm her most fun client; so, that must mean something!

[Raging Quiet]

I remember once in a session talking and my T was looking out of the window, then she interrupted me mid sentance and said "Who are all those military people jogging?" and she wanted me to watch them with her...(!)

[WikidPissah]

I am sure their minds do wander at times, but as sd said, they should be good at not letting that show.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I'm have no doubt it does wander a bit, of course, being human. But not much, the conversation always makes sense And crucially in my opinion, any time I've been speaking about something desperately painful she has been right there with me, steadily connected. Mine doesn't take the dead-quiet blank slate approach, she interacts and contributes and seems fully engaged. I consider us to have good rapport so I don't worry about holding her attention. If the talking felt stiff and halting I'd get a new therapist - it would frustrate me beyond belief if I felt we were on two completely different planets for that therapy hour!

It would seem that the tendency to have their mind wander off is probably directly proportional to how the sessions go. I mean, if there is good back and forth and active discussion going on, it is hard to drift off. But if they are just sitting there listening to a client talk the whole time without much interaction, I would think the tendency to drift off a bit would be easier.

If I'm in the classroom actively interacting with my class or tutoring a student directly, I have no problem staying 100% focused on them. That's how I keep my "stuff" at bay at work. However, if the class is taking a test or quietly writing an essay, that is the point where my "stuff" has the opportunity to drift into my classroom.

I would think that same tendency would be there and that T's would need much self-discipline and skill to stay present if their role is fairly passive in a session. I don't have those kind of sessions though. Ours are always more of a conversation, so I can only really quess at this. Actually, all we can do is guess about this since we can't read what is going on in our T's heads unless we actually ask them.

[ECHOES]

I think my therapist's mind could wander, because she is human but I don't think it happens often. She is always very attentive. Sometimes she is quieter. Sometimes I am quieter. Sometimes she is tired. Sometimes I am tired.

There were times early in therapy that she would get this certain look, a severe and (to me at that time) angry look. When I brought it up once when she was doing it, she instantly relaxed and chuckled and said "I know exactly what look you mean. I know that about myself, that I get that look when I am thinking." So I know now that this look is when she is connecting something important, something happening in therapy with something from her experience, training, education, etc.

[unlockingsanity]

I ask "What are you thinking?" often.

My T is on the ball all the time. Sometimes I think he is working twice as hard as me!

I'm certain her mind wanders at least sometimes because she's human. I've never really noticed it or if I did, it didn't bother me. She is really good at keeping track of things for me so I assume she pays attention. She always seems to know where we are at when I say "I can't remember what we were talking about" which is frequent, or she helps me backtrack when I try to scurry away from something.

[stopdog]

I fully believe the one I see would not know my name except that it seems written into her calendar. She does not recall much in general and very little accurately. Frankly, if her mind is not simply wandering it would probably mean she has dementia. I just don't think it would make a difference if she were to pay any attention.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I fully believe the one I see would not know my name except that it seems written into her calendar. She does not recall much in general and very little accurately. Frankly, if her mind is not simply wandering it would probably mean she has dementia. I just don't think it would make a difference if she were to pay any attention.

Why do you see this therapist? Just to talk to yourself and rant?

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Tollhouse

Why do you see this therapist? Just to talk to yourself and rant?

I feel that way sometimes durring a session

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Tollhouse

Why do you see this therapist? Just to talk to yourself and rant?

When I quit with this one, I become quite sad. I do not rant and I get the appearance of talking to another entity. I do get info of a sort that is useful from seeing her, it is just not the same sort I get from the other one. The useful parts of the first one do not depend upon the therapist paying attention.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The useful parts of the first one do not depend upon the therapist paying attention.

I feel there are also useful parts of seeing my therapist that do not depend on his paying attention. It is definitely not a deal breaker for me if his mind should wander on occasion.

[tinyrabbit]

My T has sometimes told me when his mind has wandered - he has apologised and explained where it wandered to. Stops me being paranoid the rest of the time. So clearly it's a trick to cover the other times it wanders... I'm joking, but not entirely.

[rainboots87]

I think their minds definitely wander- they're human after all. When my former T was talking to me about mindfulness and giving me an example of how she does it (that really helped me), she said she'll be listening to me, then maybe she'll think "Oh, what should we have for dinner tonight? Maybe chicken. Okay, bring my focus back." At first, I was mildly irked, like what are you doing thinking about your chicken dinner? But, I realized I'm not mentally present one hundred percent of the time either- in therapy or in life. The key is noticing that your mind has wandered and bringing it back. That's the whole point of mindfulness- choosing to pay attention to something. I think it's completely natural to be momentarily distracted or lose focus and that therapists have much more practice in bringing their focus back to the present moment.