[deepestwaters40]

Now that I've been seeing T for a while and I'm finally sharing deeper things, I'm noticing how much she uses the same terms. It's starting to bug me now-"say more about that...", "how did that make you feel?", "What are you thinking?", etc. I would much rather her say stuff differently than say it the same clinical way every time now. It doesn't seem genuine to me anymore.

I'm really nervous about asking her because I respect her a lot and don't want to seem disrespectful. She's the first therapist I've had-she is really good at what she does and has stuck by me every step of the way. I think very highly of her and wouldn't want it to get strange because of me asking about this. Any comments or suggestions? I would greatly appreciate it.

I've threatened to throw the couch pillow at T if he mentions mindfulness again. He knows I wouldn't do it, but it got him to realize the degree of repulsion I have at the "mindfulness" discussions.

[deepestwaters40]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I've threatened to throw the couch pillow at T if he mentions mindfulness again. He knows I wouldn't do it, but it got him to realize the degree of repulsion I have at the "mindfulness" discussions.

Oh man, I hate that one too! I'm so nervous to even say anything though.

[Melody_Bells]

Hi Deepestwaters, Your T sounds really nice and I 'm sure she would want to hear your feelings about the words she uses. If you want, you can tell her now that you're sharing deeper things with her, you feel more vulnerable and you want her to be genuine with you, and you feel like certain phrases sound clinical to your ears. Tell her how glad you are to have her as your T, how much you respect her...Then wait for your T to respond. Your T will probably listen to your feelings and work this out with you/ adjust her words.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by deepestwaters40

Now that I've been seeing T for a while and I'm finally sharing deeper things, I'm noticing how much she uses the same terms. It's starting to bug me now-"say more about that...", "how did that make you feel?", "What are you thinking?", etc. I would much rather her say stuff differently than say it the same clinical way every time now. It doesn't seem genuine to me anymore.

I'm really nervous about asking her because I respect her a lot and don't want to seem disrespectful. She's the first therapist I've had-she is really good at what she does and has stuck by me every step of the way. I think very highly of her and wouldn't want it to get strange because of me asking about this. Any comments or suggestions? I would greatly appreciate it.

They need to say these things to help us get at the root of what's going on. What would you want your T to say instead? For example, if she wants you to say more about something what would you have her say other than "say more about that"? And if she did find a different way to ask, wouldn't that phrase become irritating over time? There was a long thread on this same thing not too long ago. T'isms that make us "nuts". But do tell her how you feel. Perhaps just getting it out will make it easier to bear. Just be ready for her to say "tell me more about that"

[Wren_]

if she is really good with at what she does as you mentioned ... she should also be able to hear your comments on this and take them as you intend rather than thinking you mean them disrespectfully I hope you can share and open up a discussion on this ... your T may still use those words (hard to tell especially when they become second nature to a T) but it may change things or if not give some other help for you regarding the frustrations of the same terms being used

Ive just told her " oh my gosh stop saying that you are annoying me!!" and also thrown things like pillows her. That seems to work.

[tinyrabbit]

I have been known to tell my T he is "being all therapisty and annoying".

Often though it's the best thing they can say.

[stopdog]

I tell the woman to try speaking like a normal person.

I just told T certain phrases infuriate me. Like at the end of every session she used to say
"Are you okay to drive"?

One day I told her it didn't matter, that my car was outside and I was getting in to drive home. At the same time I told her that question bugged the crap out of me, and I would appreciate it if she would stop asking me. She never asked again.

[skeksi]

Sometimes I tell T, "Ugh, you sound like a therapist!" He always says that works out, since he IS one. I try to give hime leeway with a lot of his phrases, but I draw the line when he starts talking about projection and transference. That makes me feel like a lab rat.

[deepestwaters40]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I've threatened to throw the couch pillow at T if he mentions mindfulness again. He knows I wouldn't do it, but it got him to realize the degree of repulsion I have at the "mindfulness" discussions.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Ive just told her " oh my gosh stop saying that you are annoying me!!" and also thrown things like pillows her. That seems to work.

This cracks me up! Maybe if I get really mad I'll start threatening to throw pillows...I don't think I'm there yet though

[velcro003]

i've banned certain words from my T's mouth, like trauma and any warm, fuzzy words.

[JaneC]

I hate when my T used to talk about 'safe place'....'go to your safe place Jane'...... it doesn't work I tell you.... then i realised why and told him to never use it again.......
I asked him to call it a 'calm place' if he had too...because no blimmin where feels safe right now. I also threatened to throw something once....by the end of that session he commented as I left 'at least you didnt throw something at me'.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by Jersey 2.0

I just told T certain phrases infuriate me. Like at the end of every session she used to say
"Are you okay to drive"?

One day I told her it didn't matter, that my car was outside and I was getting in to drive home. At the same time I told her that question bugged the crap out of me, and I would appreciate it if she would stop asking me. She never asked again.

Mine asked me that once. My response "What if I say no". She quit asking after that.

"Do you want to bring anything to the table", "is there something you want to put on the table today?"
Can't he just say "Do you have something you want to discuss today,?"

I got pasted my irritation. That's what it is. My irritation,and just answer her.

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by deepestwaters40

Now that I've been seeing T for a while and I'm finally sharing deeper things, I'm noticing how much she uses the same terms. It's starting to bug me now-"say more about that...", "how did that make you feel?", "What are you thinking?", etc. I would much rather her say stuff differently than say it the same clinical way every time now. It doesn't seem genuine to me anymore.

I'm really nervous about asking her because I respect her a lot and don't want to seem disrespectful. She's the first therapist I've had-she is really good at what she does and has stuck by me every step of the way. I think very highly of her and wouldn't want it to get strange because of me asking about this. Any comments or suggestions? I would greatly appreciate it.

You have a right to talk to her about how it makes you feel, and I would definitely recommend doing so. Are there other things that make you think she isn't being genuine or is it more of an insecurity? (No judgment there, I've been insecure about what Ts words really meant). However, also consider what else would you like her to say. I personally mentor middle school kids and often ask "Could you tell me more about that?" (especially during intake interviews) and "How do you feel about that/How does that make you feel?" because I honestly want to know. I'm not even sure what else I could possibly say in those situations. There may be certain phrases that a T says often, but that doesn't mean it's not genuine. Also, thinking of my friends and family, they also have go-to phrases that they use a lot and that's just them. Just trying to offer another perspective

My T used to ask me about my agenda for the day, every time. I HATED it because mostly my agenda is the same ****ing thing over and over. At work, I keep an agenda and it is stuff I have to get DONE that day, and here I was, never getting DONE with any of the stuff on my therapy agenda and it made me feel like even more of a loser. T was really open to discussing how the word made me feel, and finding a different one. He did warn me that we were contending with 20 years of habit in him asking about the agenda, and he asked me to be patient with him while he adjusted to using the new word. I had to remind me a couple of times, but he got the new word down really quickly.

As an interesting side note, he said he asked other patients how they felt about that word and several hated it and have started using a different word.

[nicoleflynn]

I have said.....stop that psychobabble......yes, phrases repeated over and over are annoying...You could say....when you say xyz it makes me feel....!

[Perna]

I would open a discussion on how you feel about the wording (rather than that your T is using it); have you ever thought about that, what else she could say in that situation? I know when I get really sad/am crying, etc. I think about how much I don't like feeling that way only to realize it is "appropriate" and if I ask myself, "well, how would you like to feel in this situation?" the answer is sad/crying

"What are you thinking?" is a direct question, pretty innocuous on its own? It could be the situations when your T asks the question/uses the statement is what bothers you, not necessarily the words? If someone who loves us asks, "What are you thinking?" we are often touched, feel warm fuzzies that they noticed and were paying attention to us? Maybe you feel pressured or it makes you anxious in some way and it is that feeling you do not like?

One thing I sometimes do if I am hating a particular set of words is pay even more attention to them, "track" when they are used by a particular person and see if I can see a broader picture; maybe you stop in the middle of discussions and go silent or have a hard time getting started and resent the "prod" to talk or something like that? But paying attention to the situation instead of the words/person saying them helps me not mind as much sometimes. When I was having scary dreams during therapy on the night of the day I'd had my session, I began to realize all I was learning from those dreams so I use to get really excited about going to bed instead of being anxious about the dreams I looked forward to them.

[deepestwaters40]

Originally Posted by rainboots87

You have a right to talk to her about how it makes you feel, and I would definitely recommend doing so. Are there other things that make you think she isn't being genuine or is it more of an insecurity? (No judgment there, I've been insecure about what Ts words really meant). However, also consider what else would you like her to say. I personally mentor middle school kids and often ask "Could you tell me more about that?" (especially during intake interviews) and "How do you feel about that/How does that make you feel?" because I honestly want to know. I'm not even sure what else I could possibly say in those situations. There may be certain phrases that a T says often, but that doesn't mean it's not genuine. Also, thinking of my friends and family, they also have go-to phrases that they use a lot and that's just them. Just trying to offer another perspective

Originally Posted by Perna

I would open a discussion on how you feel about the wording (rather than that your T is using it); have you ever thought about that, what else she could say in that situation? I know when I get really sad/am crying, etc. I think about how much I don't like feeling that way only to realize it is "appropriate" and if I ask myself, "well, how would you like to feel in this situation?" the answer is sad/crying

"What are you thinking?" is a direct question, pretty innocuous on its own? It could be the situations when your T asks the question/uses the statement is what bothers you, not necessarily the words? If someone who loves us asks, "What are you thinking?" we are often touched, feel warm fuzzies that they noticed and were paying attention to us? Maybe you feel pressured or it makes you anxious in some way and it is that feeling you do not like?

One thing I sometimes do if I am hating a particular set of words is pay even more attention to them, "track" when they are used by a particular person and see if I can see a broader picture; maybe you stop in the middle of discussions and go silent or have a hard time getting started and resent the "prod" to talk or something like that? But paying attention to the situation instead of the words/person saying them helps me not mind as much sometimes. When I was having scary dreams during therapy on the night of the day I'd had my session, I began to realize all I was learning from those dreams so I use to get really excited about going to bed instead of being anxious about the dreams I looked forward to them.

I've realized now that, yes, I do feel insecure at times and I get afraid whether or not she is being genuine anymore. I think I would like it if she said some things differently. I know that she needs to say those things to help me along...we wouldn't get very far if she didn't. In the past, I have felt very pressured and anxious when she asks those things...I have GAD. She seems to have gotten into a good rhythm of when would be better to ask so she doesn't make me feel worse. And the truth is, she is being genuine when she asks or wants me to elaborate. But I would love it if she didn't directly say, 'What are you thinking?' She says it when she knows I need help getting out what's swirling around my troubled mind-I become silent and look to the side of her. She says it in a nice way but maybe, 'What's on your mind right now?' instead. That would be better-I would feel less threatened. Why threatened? I really don't know...blame in on the anxiety disorder. Ironically, I get anxious thinking about bringing it up to her. I'm going to try and not think about it too much so I don't put pressure on myself.

Thank you for these replies...they were so useful in helping me gain insight!