[Asiablue]

After a 4 week evaluation period my T gave me the report. She surmises that i have disorganised attachment. I knew i had issues with attachment but never really knew which one but i didn't expect disorganised attachment to apply to me. Still processing this.

But worse, something weird happened today in therapy. I got upset, sad i suppose and i can't remember much of my session, did i even speak towards the end? I left and was really quiet, just couldn't muster the energy to speak.

All the way home (hubby picked me up) i just was really "starey" like my eyes were staring forward but slight upwards and tears just dropped constantly, no expression on my face, i was just really still. My body felt heavy, no talking. Then i fell asleep. Now i'm home i feel spaced, my brain feel fuzzy and i'm sad and tired.

WHAT even is that? Shock? Sadness? i dunno

Did your t notice a difference? Do you remember how the session ended?

(I would definitely want to discuss your reaction at your next session)

I'm not sure what it is, but I've had sessions kind of like that in the past and gone home all zoned out. I haven't had it happen in a long time, though, no matter what has gone on in session and what emotions have come up. I think maybe it's a kind of dissociation, a defence mechanism, because you're not used to dealing with those intense emotions and the attachment stuff? I think as you go along it becomes easier to cope and the defence of zoning out doesn't need to kick in? I think that is how it has been for me, anyway..

hugs to you, I imagine you feel pretty crummy - but I'm sure you'll come through it

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Did your t notice a difference? Do you remember how the session ended?

(I would definitely want to discuss your reaction at your next session)

I don't know, i don't think she did. Most of the reaction were in the car. In session i was quiet and i didn't speak much after a certain point.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I'm not sure what it is, but I've had sessions kind of like that in the past and gone home all zoned out. I haven't had it happen in a long time, though, no matter what has gone on in session and what emotions have come up. I think maybe it's a kind of dissociation, a defence mechanism, because you're not used to dealing with those intense emotions and the attachment stuff? I think as you go along it becomes easier to cope and the defence of zoning out doesn't need to kick in? I think that is how it has been for me, anyway..

hugs to you, I imagine you feel pretty crummy - but I'm sure you'll come through it

yeah i feel horrible. And i feel really awful about the disorganised attachment thing. I could cry every-time i think about it, i don't why it should matter, it's not exactly news to me that i struggle with relationships.

You'd think there would be some comfort in someone else validating your experience as being as awful as you thought it was, that it's not all in your head. But somehow it doesn't feel good that others confirm my terrible upbringing. I feel vulnerable and really sad.

Asia did she explain to you what disorganised attachment was and did you agree? There are lots of different types of attachment problems, after four sessions seems very early to make a clear diagnoses

[ScrewedUpMe]

I can totally relate. I had this today too as I was driving home from a bad session and I've had it lots of times before. I totally get being quiet and not saying much after a certain point. For me, I shut down and I don't seem to be able to recover again.

My zoning out is always triggered by something in the relationship between T and I. When something doesn't feel right about it. Not sure if that rings any bells with you? I guess it's a reaction to heightened emotions that is overload for your mind and you just can't deal with it all at once?

I hope you feel better soon

[rainbow8]

oops, I typed a reply and then it disappeared. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad after your session. It sounds like your reaction is due to hearing your diagnosis. Try to remember that YOU are not your diagnosis. You are still the same person you were before you heard it! Diagnoses don't mean that much. Does it really mean that you had a terrible upbringing? I don't know, but I wouldn't think it does necessarily. I hope that your T will discuss your feelings about your diagnosis with you at your next session. Take care!

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Asia did she explain to you what disorganised attachment was and did you agree? There are lots of different types of attachment problems, after four sessions seems very early to make a clear diagnoses

i think she did explain a little but i don't remember much. I don't think it's a formal diagnoses as such, more an observation given the information accumulated over the past 4 weeks.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by ScrewedUpMe

I can totally relate. I had this today too as I was driving home from a bad session and I've had it lots of times before. I totally get being quiet and not saying much after a certain point. For me, I shut down and I don't seem to be able to recover again.

My zoning out is always triggered by something in the relationship between T and I. When something doesn't feel right about it. Not sure if that rings any bells with you? I guess it's a reaction to heightened emotions that is overload for your mind and you just can't deal with it all at once?

I hope you feel better soon

Yeah therapy def is a trigger. The relationship is scary for me, very threatening at times.

[A Red Panda]

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way What's disorganized attachment? What kind did you think you had? (What other options are there? I've never heard of this).

I forget good chunks of my sessions too - if I'm upset I tend to blank out. I'll remember a few key things usually - probably whatever triggered me. But I might not remember how I responded at all. And if something really gets to me... I definitely sorta check out for the rest of the day.

[blur]

that sounds like a tough thing to hear especially when you are still just getting to know your new T.