[Alishia88]

So for a while now, I have been feeling that my therapy isn´t going as well as it probably could.

I´ve known fthat my therapy is not entirely going as I would ideally want it, "if I could say and do anything in therapy".

I´ve reached a point where I really want to change things
here they are.

1) I really really want and need to talk more in my therapy. I feel like my T doesn´t know me well enough as well as she could and I feel, would need to, to ideally help me, because I haven´t said and told her enough.
This is why

2) I need my T to listen more and talk less, I need her to ask me questions though, because it isn´t easy for me to just drop in and start talking about myself. I fear it could be boring. When someone asks questions, I know that they really care, so I enjoy talking about my life.

3) I need her to interrupt less when I am talking. I want to tell her all about me, not start analyzing everything right away.

4) I need her to remember what I´ve told her. I never know what she remembers about me and what she doesn´t know, because she forgot.
So I´m really not sure how well she knows me. Sometimes I´m surprised and angry to see what she´s forgotten I´ve told her.
I feel like for her to know me, she must remember what I tell her.
Otherwise she can never have full accurate picture of me and my life.

5) I want to be more honest and authentic in therapy. I need to know that I may say if things she says are bothering or hurting me in any way, rightaway and she won´t get mad at me or defensive. I also want to be more free in talking. I think this goes together with KNOWING me, if I feel like she already knows me, I can be more authentic. Like with a friend.

6) I want her to feel closer to me and my story. When she cannot remember things, especially what we talked about last week, I don´t feel I can come in and talk about recent stuff because she doesn´t know where to put it and doesn´t have an overview over me. As it is now, she is way to far away from me and my story.

7) I need her to talk and repeat herself less. When she´s in one of her monologues, I space out, and even though I am in therapy with her, I feel alone, because she doesn´t really "see" me then anymore, she´s so into her own story. I need her to notice when she´s doing it.

So this is what I want and need to change. I just don´t know how to tell her...
Can I just come out and say I have thought about my needs in therapy?
What would you say?

By the way, thank you to all of you. By reading through a bunch of posts here I realized how involved people are in their own therapies and that it´s okay to ask for what you want, to have your therapist really know you, bring in notes and ask more of your therapist.

Do you know what type of therapy that your T uses or leans towards? Some of the Ts described on here are more psychodynamic... Clients seem to talk more...relationship with client is important...

Other types do not emphasize these...

[HealingTimes]

hi Alisha

Have you spoken to your T about this?

From the outside, it looks as though points 1, 2, 7 & 3 are all interlinked. You want talk more, and have your T talk less. When she does talk, you want it to be about YOU, not her.
That's very understandable.

Do you feel able to tell your T that this is how you feel? If you don't feel able to say it, maybe you could write it down and give it to your T instead?

best wishes, it can be very hard to assert your needs (well, it is for me) but not impossible.

EDIT: How long have you been seeing this T? The therapeutic relationship takes time to become established.
Also, readytostop is right, different modalities work differently.

[purple orchid]

Dear Alishia88,
It's good that you want to change things so your sessions can be more productive.
I would say that you definately should speak to your T about how you are feeling. If you can't say it, maybe you can write it down like you did here and give it to them. If your T is to change, they first need to know what you are not happy with.
I wonder how long you have been having therapy? It takes a while to build up a good relationship with a T. Also, not every T is correct for everyone, sometimes things just don't feel right and it maybe time to try a different T.
Good luck

[Alishia88]

thank you for your answers.

I think it´s supposed to be psychodynamic, it´s translated depth psychology, I think that´s about the same...

I´ve tried talking to her once but it´s a while ago. I told her that the last session I hardly got to talk. She was more quiet that session but it didn´t last.

I´ve been with her and in therapy for one year exactly.

Maybe before I felt, well, it will change over time. but now I feel with this time, she should know me better than she does.

I also realize that it´s not going to change this way, because I simply don´t get the time and space to tell her enough about me.
It´s more like we pick 1 or 2 topics and discuss that every session, instead of me telling her more about me and my thoughts and my life.

I realize we have to change it, or otherwise she won´t really get to know me..

It sounds a lot like what you describe is more her particular style as a therapist. It is definitely worth speaking to her about it; you have many legitimate concerns, and if she does not improve in these areas, I would not waste any more of your time on her. You most likely will not have a hard time finding a therapist who will listen more rather than talk! Good luck to you.

[Favorite Jeans]

Hi A88. I agree that it's definitely worth telling her how you feel. However it kind of sounds like this way she has of over-talking and not remembering important things about you might be intrinsic to her personality and therapy style.

Most concerning to me is that you regularly feel like she's not seeing you, she doesn't notice that she's lost you and you've spaced out and that after a year she really doesn't know you very well. It sounds like she's not so strong on the attuning to you front!

On the upside, knowing what you do now, I think it'll be easier to figure out in the first few sessions whether a new T is really with you. I bet when you find the right one you'll know it almost immediately. It's not hard to know if someone is truly listening.

Let us know what happens!

[Victoria'smom]

I really think you may want to find a new T