Hi all,

I sometimes have a really tough time towards the ends of sessions with my T. Regardless of how the session has gone, I find myself becoming nervous and sad when time is almost up. I feel like I don't want to have to leave.

I'm wondering what you do to end sessions with your T? Is there a routine you follow that you've found helpful? Something helpful T says? Anything you've found particularly unhelpful? Any ideas to make this time less upsetting?

Thanks!

[pbutton]

My T usually asks me if we've covered everything I'd like to cover that day. I find that helpful.

[rainbow8]

I've always had the problem of never wanting to leave when my session ends, so I understand your feelings. Whether it's a "good" or a "bad" session, I wish it could go on longer, and I wish I were coming in instead of leaving.

My T and I hug when I get up to leave. It's become routine and it helps me somewhat. Does your T allow hugs?

It's always better not to have to end suddenly when you're in the middle of something. I watch the clock and have a habit of saying "there's only 5 minutes left" or however many are left. My T sometimes says that but mostly I do. So, we both try to make sure we're not in the middle of something, or don't start a new topic. She sometimes has me "put the feelings" away in a container if she thinks they will upset me when I leave.

Still, the moment of walking out is usually sad. I see my T for 90 minutes and I remember feeling much worse when I saw other Ts for 50 or 60 minutes. I know most people can't have that long of a session, though.

I wonder what ideas others will have.

[critterlady]

My T usually says one of two things. If he senses that I'm okay, he says "I have to stop us now, but I want to leave you with this..." and sums up what we've been talking about or points out something key. I usually find this helpful, although it's sometimes a bit more thought-provoking than anything else.

If he sees that I'm struggling with the discussion, he asks me if it's okay for us to stop now. I've never said no, but if I did, I'm sure he would give me a little more time to collect myself.

Just recently, we discussed how sometimes I feel that a hug or a touch on my arm or a squeeze of my hand will help me and if I indicate that, he'll do that for me.

My T just says "Catch you later, IT" and I find it a pretty sudden and incongruent ending to the session at times.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T usually tells me at about 5 minutes before time's up that we need to wind down. She asks me if we've covered everything I needed to. If we haven't, I'll tell her that I'll send her an email or let her know that I need to start the next session with a particular topic. Then, we confirm our next appointment and she walks me to the door.

[stopdog]

I tend to get more and frustrated at the end of the appointment. I just get up when the digital clock turns to the minute the appointment ends, put the cash on the table and walk out. The therapist sometimes says good bye.

At the very beginning, the therapist tried walking to the door alongside me. This was way too creepy to me because the door is only like 4 feet from the client couch (there are no chairs for the client so it is just the awful couch), she was way too close to me, and it was just plain pointless and stupid like she thought I would not find the door or something if she was not right there. Leaving on time is not a problem I have. Finally I got her to stay back when I leave. I like it much better this way.

[healingme4me]

My sessions, end in a non-verbal cue. He turns towards his desk, to pull out his calendar and start discussing when the best time, will be for the next session.

Then I pull out my wallet, pick a date, he writes an appointment card, and I'm on my way.

[LadyShadow]

My session sort of ends on a non-verbal cue too. I only have 45 minutes with him but he stretches it to an hour or sometimes more if I am having a hard time. If I'm in the middle of crying he would never end the session abruptly because time was up. That would hurt me.

I see him once every two weeks, so if I am not feeling well and struggling he would change it to every week.

[neutrino]

My therapist always says "we have to stop now but let's book another appointment" and then we go on for another 5 minutes or so anyway. I'm ok with ending the sessions that way but I often get really low and anxious (lower and more anxious than I already am that is) when leaving my therapist's office since I know I have to wait a whole week until the next session. I don't cope that well between sessions.

[unaluna]

I told this t that I felt like I was SUPPOSED to leave his office feeling all depressed just because I was coming there for therapy so it should be all serious and depressing, no fun allowed. But I also said I was having a hard time not knowing when or how to get un-depressed, when was it okay not to be sad.

He right away said, oh you have a problem with transitions. I was like, what? He said, comings and goings with your parents. And now that I read my description above, wow is it clear! Talk about your basic transference! It sounds like I'm describing my mother leaving for work. So that's probably one of the main reasons we have our hugging ritual - it's more for the ritual to retrain my brain than for the actual hugging.

Thanks for asking this question. It was good for me to look back on it. I didn't realize I had gained perspective.

[tooski]

I have trouble ending a session too, even though T does it fairly gently with non-verbal cues. First I see him start to disengage for a few seconds (I'm really attuned to him - it's so obvious when he does this), then he'll swivel his chair toward his desk and pick up his appt book and start talking about when we'll meet again. Really, it's nice the way he does it - not abrupt or sudden and not cold or rejecting.

But still .... it's the leaving that I have trouble with. I have a huge problem with constancy and people not being there for me. Every time a session ends, there goes another person out of my life, perhaps never to return. I may have another appt but it's no guarantee that he's actually going to be there.

Because you have trouble ending the session, maybe something like this is going on with you too? It helps to talk about it. And I've found that when things are going well and we've got a connection I can feel, the end of the session isn't as bad because I have more of a feeling that he's there for me even when it isn't in person. The more disconnected from him I feel the harder it is to end.

Wish I could offer some help, but I'm just struggling with this too.

[tinyrabbit]

Lately I have started dissociating a few minutes before the end of sessions, I think my unconscious wants to spin them out.

Generally though my T tells me it's time for us to end. Then I get up and hand him the money, and that helps me make the transition.

[refika]

My T will give me a warning that we have a few minutes left and we usually wrap things up. Depending on how the session went, we will do a breathing exercise or have me go to my safe place (we're preparing for EMDR so the safe place is a big thing now).

If it's a Friday session, T will "insist" that I have a good weekend. If it's a mid-week session, T will tell me when I'll see them again.

I always hate leaving, (unless it's when I really really have to pee which has been happening a lot lately), then I can't leave fast enough. LOL

My T starts winding down the session about 5 minutes before it is over. Can't quite explain how he does it; just something I can feel. There is the occasional session where I am definitely not in a good place at the end of the session despite his best efforts. If he has another appointment coming, usually asks me to sit in the waiting room or in another office for awhile until I feel safe to drive. If I'm his last and not doing well, he will work with me until I'm ready to go.

Originally Posted by refika

I always hate leaving, (unless it's when I really really have to pee which has been happening a lot lately), then I can't leave fast enough. LOL

So true! Maybe I should start drinking lots of water before appointments

[~EnlightenMe~]

Lately I have been asking him if it is time to leave yet when it isn't. I never used to be this way. I guess this is progress? I'm not sure.

[tinyrabbit]

We had a slightly different ending today. I didn't dissociate just before the end of the session like I have been previously. I did look at the clock, and saw the time had run out, but waited for him to say. This is progress for me personally, because I used to watch the clock like a hawk and say: "I have to go," the second it hit the finish time.

Anyway, we had been talking about quite a lot of upsetting things in that session. When the time ran out, my T said: "We have to finish, poppet," in a tone of voice that sounded apologetic. Given I was feeling quite strung out and shamey, it really helped that he said something so nice. He has only called me that once before - I told him to go f**k himself and he said: "You are SUCH a poppet." He is weird like that.