[ReddClay]

T isn't their usual self over the past 4-6 weeks or so. I think it is stress, over tiredness etc on T's part but I've noticed T's joy is gone and we have not connected like we used to. I do not think this is transference as I read people pretty well esp when I really get to know them over time.

Anyone else experienced this? I am thinking of mentioning it next week.

[feralkittymom]

I used to notice such things with my T. It wasn't difficult as he was usually so consistent. I'd always bring it up, not as a complaint, but out of concern. He was always straightforward with me, whether it was a health issue, work issue, kids issue, etc. I think it was important for me to know that it had nothing to do with me.

This is hard. If you ask, you might find out something that is upsetting. If you don't ask, you feel like you do.

How long have you been with your T?

[doyoutrustme]

You should definitely mention it. Your therapists behavior is part of a counter transference reaction that needs to be studied as much as yours.

[ReddClay]

Originally Posted by Tollhouse

This is hard. If you ask, you might find out something that is upsetting. If you don't ask, you feel like you do.

How long have you been with your T?

About a year. Can you explain that last thought "if you don't ask, you feel like you do". That doesn't make sense to me (user error on my part I am sure)

[ReddClay]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

You should definitely mention it. Your therapists behavior is part of a counter transference reaction that needs to be studied as much as yours.

Interesting. Why do you think that? In order for T to have countertransference, I have to have transference and in this instance which I don't think I do. So I would love to hear your thoughts fleshed out some more.

I don't think I could describe my therapist as being joyful in the first place.
I sometimes sense a difference in her. But once we get going I realise I was putting into her my anxieties
It's best you tell her how you feel she's change. Guessing never works.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by ReddClay

Interesting. Why do you think that? In order for T to have countertransference, I have to have transference and in this instance which I don't think I do. So I would love to hear your thoughts fleshed out some more.

Countertransference and transference can occur independently, but whatever is going on needn't be either. It's just a good idea to talk about it so that you don't reach faulty conclusions.

[unlockingsanity]

I can't tell with my current T, but I would notice this with a former T. I would notice it the most AFTER he returned from vacation. He'd be much more on the ball and try to be much more engaged than usual.

I have mentioned the positive difference, but not the negative.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

If it's affecting your therapy mention it, if it's not, then don't. We all go through rough patches. If this were a friend you'd tell them you noticed they aren't themselves and ask if there was something you could do to help. But it's not a friend, and you really shouldn't be offering sympathy, empathy, etc. Then it becomes their session, not yours. But if it is affecting your treatment, then you need to say something. They need to know that whatever they are going through "shows" and is affecting their clients. Your T might need a T themselves.

[Favorite Jeans]

I take the micro changes in my T's demeanour very personally even as I'm intellectually aware that I'm not the center of her universe and that it's likely that whatever she's experiencing isn't about me. In general, I take people's moods too personally so with my T it's that much more extreme. So it's important to me when, without having to go into too much detail, she confirms that there is something going on for her. Once she explained that she had to shift her posture a lot because she'd hurt her back. It was nice to know that her seeming restlessness wasn't because she couldn't wait for me to leave or something.

[doyoutrustme]

Originally Posted by ReddClay

Interesting. Why do you think that? In order for T to have countertransference, I have to have transference and in this instance which I don't think I do. So I would love to hear your thoughts fleshed out some more.

Not necessarily. Keep in mind though, transference is not all about romance and falling in love. It just a fancy term for some type of strong feeling being evoked by the other. It could be that you remind him of someone from his past. It could be not.

If he was like that with all his patients, he would know he himself just needs a vacation- but if its just you? That would mean he is reacting to you in some way. He may or may not be aware of that, and it helps them to point it out sometimes.

[Nerak67]

I once told my t that she seemed distracted lately and she got very mad at me because she very much prided herself on her ability to be present with her patients regardless of what was going on. She said she was offended. Wondering how I ever got so attached to her and why I Miss her!

[doyoutrustme]

Originally Posted by Nerak67

I once told my t that she seemed distracted lately and she got very mad at me because she very much prided herself on her ability to be present with her patients regardless of what was going on. She said she was offended. Wondering how I ever got so attached to her and why I Miss her!

Sounds like you struck a nerve!