[rainbow8]

Hurray! My session was so helpful today, and T and I connected on an adult level. Now that I'm home I'm having some of those yearnings again, but I think it's much better for me to relate to my T adult to adult. However, we TALKED about my child feelings, and she knows what I'm missing. After all, I've told her often for the past 3 plus years!

First, when I brought up about the whining and her sarcastic/teasing comment, she apologized and said it was "her bad". She said I triggered her with what sounded like whining, and she spoke without thinking. She wasn't trying to help me; she said it was wrong for her to say what she did. So, she's human. End of story. I did tell her that I wanted help and I should have said it in a different way.

I got through everything on my list and more! I even told her about needing to start another thread on this forum because I felt like I wasn't noticed. She wanted to do SE about how that feels in my body--agitated, and I have to do something about it. She asked if my parents noticed me. I said they did, but we decided maybe it wasn't the way I wanted to be noticed. My Mom was always nervous and trying to "fix me". My T said she and my Dad loved me very much and may have noticed me and paid attention but not in the way I needed, through no fault of their own.

She asked me to visualize them the way I'd like them to have been, and I immediately could do that, and I felt calm, still, and happier. I felt like I didn't have to change, to do anything. I could just BE! Be myself, be okay the way I was without visits to a social worker to help me make more friends, to charm school, Mom meeting my teacher about me, etc. It was so nice to visualize that calmness with my parents.

So I wasn't holding T's hand, I wasn't going on about having a crush on her, or loving her, and it was still good! She says I do have control over what goes on in my brain, and thinking about that stuff reinforces the addictive cycle.

Oh, I forgot to say. The first thing I said in the session was that I was worried about her not wanting to see me because of my email and she said that wasn't true at all. Sigh of relief. I said that I felt better after emailing her, and I hoped it was all right. She is willing to let me decide if emailing helps me or not. Of course she won't answer them; that won't change.

At the end of the session, I said "this was good, wasn't it?" and she said "Yes", it was! Then we hugged.

[RTerroni]

Nice to hear, I had a good session today as well.

[Wren_]

glad it went well rain and that you were able to talk about last weeks comment and the impact it had on you

to add to your T's comment

through no fault of their own.

through no fault of yours either

[FeelTheBurn]

Yay you!! It always feels good to read about somebody doing good work, keeps the hope flowing!

So good to hear!

That sounds great rainbow Your t is the bomb.

[likelife]

Glad to hear it went well

[HealingTimes]

Thats GREAT, Rainbow

[GeorgiaGirl413]

So glad to hear this!!! It's wonderful when we can really begin to see things getting better isn't it? Keep up the good work.

[ECHOES]

That sounds like a great session, rainbow! I'm glad it felt good to you - that is really something to appreciate in yourself, isn't it?! You were open to relating on this level and could take in the good things and the good enough things.

I admire your ability to imagine the way you would have liked to have your parents pay attention to you. It is hard for me to go there, to take that leap.

It sounds like you received mixed messages from the attention you received - it was caring and at the same time it seemed to say you weren't good enough 'as-is'. What enormous anxiety and confusion you must have felt!

I love those sessions that are so good when we least expect it!