[pbutton]

The situation:

Due to T's crappy scheduling system, three of my scheduled appointments got lost. This is the second time this has happened.

This week I went in to discuss this situation with him. I asked how I could make sure this is not happening again. He offered to have us review the schedule each time I leave, so that I can see that all is well. I am good with this idea.

One of my missing sessions is next week. I normally go at 5 PM. He offered to call the person with the 5 PM schedule and ask them to push back to 6 PM. I said no. () So now I have nothing scheduled next week and it is really bothering me. 100% my fault.

I am so irritated that I am bothered so much about missing a week that I keep thinking I need to quit altogether.

All of this is SO counter-productive. I want to be there and I am sad that I won't be.... so I want to quit? WTF? Why do I do this to myself?

I am driving myself crazy about this.

[unaluna]

Simplistic answer, but is/was it a pattern of yours (it is of mine) to hurt yourself before someone else does, just so you have control of what is done to you? Like this is how I escaped my mother's attention for the most part. But I was like a mushroom growing in the dark - you grow in weird shapes. Interesting that it seems stupid to you now. That is hopeful for me, since I use that word so much. Maybe it means we are outgrowing a coping technique that used to make sense to us, but now at least we are starting to get angry and frustrated with it.

[phaset]

Could you go at 6:00 instead? It sounds like that time is open and you won't feel like you are messing with someone else's schedule.

[Asiablue]

Call back and ask for the 5pm appointment, you never know, 6pm might be ideal for the other person, failing that take the 6pm session like phaset suggested.

[Melody_Bells]

pbutton you are really nice and very opposite of stupid. if I were you I'd be sad too.

Your T's crappy system is stupid and he should've known that it was his fault that you missed appts and he could've taken more care in making sure you have them back, been more sensitive that you would be upset to miss a week. Not sure how he could've allowed you to miss a week and not offered you the 6pm time... he should've tried harder to take care of you after his mistakes.

Just my opinion... I'm biased because I'm on your side hope you are able to get in to see him sooner!!!!

[Perna]

I do not see why, if you normally do 5:00, that there has to be a scheduling issue at all; ask your T to tell "scheduling" that 5:00 on that day is not available, just take it off the scheduling possibilities for others?

But this week sounds like a different sort of problem. You were offered a solution but did not take it. I would perhaps have not taken it because it involves a 3rd person you do not know; that person becomes involved in you and T's work together? If T had said, "Oh, so sorry, I'll fix it, come at 5:00" how would you have felt?

Too, as someone suggested, why could you not take 6:00? It is like there is a will struggle going on between you and T and his crappy scheduling system. If his scheduling system is crappy, how can you know he is not also since it is his? If he is crappy, then you must be also for seeing him?

Originally Posted by pbutton

The situation:

Due to T's crappy scheduling system, three of my scheduled appointments got lost. This is the second time this has happened.

This week I went in to discuss this situation with him. I asked how I could make sure this is not happening again. He offered to have us review the schedule each time I leave, so that I can see that all is well. I am good with this idea.

One of my missing sessions is next week. I normally go at 5 PM. He offered to call the person with the 5 PM schedule and ask them to push back to 6 PM. I said no. () So now I have nothing scheduled next week and it is really bothering me. 100% my fault.

I am so irritated that I am bothered so much about missing a week that I keep thinking I need to quit altogether.

All of this is SO counter-productive. I want to be there and I am sad that I won't be.... so I want to quit? WTF? Why do I do this to myself?

I am driving myself crazy about this.

PButton... I'm responding without reading others responses so I apologize if I'm saying the same thing...

First your Title made me laugh... in my home in my FOO saying that would have opened yourself up for ridicule...

This isn't about being "stupid" by the way. anyway back to the topic...

I used to do this...maybe this scenario would hold some similarities to yours but only you would know..

xT and I had just had one session after weeks of being on vacation (mine and then his) and my xT cancelled on me due to illness... I was upset because I really needed to see him... but then I got FREAKED out because I realized how much I NEEDED to see him... I didn't like feeling like I needed anyone and so I quit therapy...via email and didn't go back to xT for months and months..

I really really wished I had talked to him about all the feelings I had about being freaked out for needing him... it would have made things alot simpler...

I have no idea if this was even helpful but just wanted to let you know I can relate

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

First your Title made me laugh... in my home in my FOO saying that would have opened yourself up for ridicule...

In my family, I'd receive a rapid chorus of "NOooo.. you are NOT stupid. Not at all. You're great.". I'm the one that takes care of and fixes everything, my existence makes everything ok, I make the family look good. I can have no flaws.

I still want to quit therapy. the hell with this guy and his crappy scheduling. I need to find a T that gives assigned times. Much less work for me that way.

[unaluna]

That's reasonable.

I almost wrote, That's not unreasonable, but I didnt want to steal SD's thunder!

[Abby]

Personally I'd find having to review the schedule after each appointment really painful because it would be me having to be the fixer again, the one that makes sure everything is correct and in order, as though the therapist doesn't have to take responsibility for it. I find it hard enough when my therapist offers me another appointment slot than my own due to a bank holiday or something because I feel I'm intruding. I've carved out my space now and like it that way without any changes! I guess if he meant to review it to simply reassure you it was okay then alright, but is this a long term or short term thing?

Why would he ask you whether you wanted him to call someone else to rearrange? Why do you have to take on that decision? As Perna said why couldn't you have the 6pm that week or why couldn't he simply ask if that is the only time you could do and if so he'd get back to you about other options? Why is this one appt the only chance that you get to see your therapist and once it's taken that's it?!

I don't think you're as much bothered about missing the week as to the reasons why you are missing it. Maybe, like me sometimes, you are used to giving up what you really need for someone else and hidden down inside you are really angry about that and so want to quit? Just an idea.

I like assigned times too, I couldn't be ad hoc that would be too anxiety provoking!

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Abby

Personally I'd find having to review the schedule after each appointment really painful because it would be me having to be the fixer again, the one that makes sure everything is correct and in order, as though the therapist doesn't have to take responsibility for it. I find it hard enough when my therapist offers me another appointment slot than my own due to a bank holiday or something because I feel I'm intruding. I've carved out my space now and like it that way without any changes! I guess if he meant to review it to simply reassure you it was okay then alright, but is this a long term or short term thing?

Why would he ask you whether you wanted him to call someone else to rearrange? Why do you have to take on that decision? As Perna said why couldn't you have the 6pm that week or why couldn't he simply ask if that is the only time you could do and if so he'd get back to you about other options? Why is this one appt the only chance that you get to see your therapist and once it's taken that's it?!

I don't think you're as much bothered about missing the week as to the reasons why you are missing it. Maybe, like me sometimes, you are used to giving up what you really need for someone else and hidden down inside you are really angry about that and so want to quit? Just an idea.

I like assigned times too, I couldn't be ad hoc that would be too anxiety provoking!

I hope you don't mind, but I got all fired up after reading this. I plagarized the hell out of what you said & sent an email to T.

Please let us know if you hear back from him.

[pbutton]

I just hope he doesn't interpret it as some sort of passive aggressive way of asking for an appointment. that was not my intent. In fact, now that I have sent it, I have little to no desire to see him ever again. Guess that means I did a good job of sharing my feeeeeeeeeeeeelings.

[stopdog]

I hope it works.

[pbutton]

I hope he burns in hell.

(Note: I may be overreacting.)

[stopdog]

Well, that is a given - the hell thing I mean.

If it doesn't work I shall go around to his place with a pitchfork.

[pbutton]

I love you guys, thank you. I am so thankful for this board.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

If it doesn't work I shall go around to his place with a pitchfork.

and torches.

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by pbutton

The situation:

Due to T's crappy scheduling system, three of my scheduled appointments got lost. This is the second time this has happened.

This week I went in to discuss this situation with him. I asked how I could make sure this is not happening again. He offered to have us review the schedule each time I leave, so that I can see that all is well. I am good with this idea.

One of my missing sessions is next week. I normally go at 5 PM. He offered to call the person with the 5 PM schedule and ask them to push back to 6 PM. I said no. () So now I have nothing scheduled next week and it is really bothering me. 100% my fault.

I am so irritated that I am bothered so much about missing a week that I keep thinking I need to quit altogether.

All of this is SO counter-productive. I want to be there and I am sad that I won't be.... so I want to quit? WTF? Why do I do this to myself?

I am driving myself crazy about this.

This sounds like exactly what i do when a session is cancelled/missed etc.
For me, i realised that i have the need to feel in control. So when something happens in scheduling that is out of my control i try to assert control over it by saying that it's my choice.
So i normally say that i want to quit instead of saying that i am sad about having to miss a week.

[tooski]

I hope there's room for a dissenting opinion here ....

I've had several, no many, of these go-rounds with my T and I really get your anger. Mine have been about scheduling and email, mostly. And my T has said, "This is not about email." And y'know, he's right, as usual, but it took me a long time to get it. And in order for me to get it--eventually--I had to work it out with him, and often that took months. Because what it was really about was how he treated me, and my reaction to that, and where it was really coming from, and why, etc. In other words, the whole r/s thing.

I really hope you won't take offense--this is JMO--but I think you might be diluting the effectiveness of therapy by expressing your feelings here instead of with T. I have read stuff to this effect several places that people run things by their friends, or other people, expressing their true feelings and then by the time they get to session they have calmed down and bottled everything up inside again, or decided it really doesn't matter and don't talk about it at all. But it would have been better if they had shown those honest emotions to T rather than others.

That said, I'm glad you're supported here and it's helping you. But maybe try to show some of that "overreacting" anger where it belongs. There's some good reason why you feel this way and maybe you can make some progress from this. I hope so. Any strong emotions in T are indicators that there's something to work on there ....

[pbutton]

I love dissenting opinions.

He did see some of the highly reactive anger this week when I stormed out without staying goodbye/letting him finish what he was saying. So he's seen some of it during the angry session and now my really cranky emails. I didn't hold back the anger this week.

No wonder I hate this so much if it's about the whole relationship thing. Ugh. Gross.

[healed84]

Holy crap.. I had almost the exact this happen to me tonight.. A little different, let me explain.

at the end of the appointment T said something like do you want to schedule for next week, and I said, I already am- I schedule through the month. He said, did you double check and I said no, b/c I generally don't need to. Once I am scheduled, I am fine. Well, T looks at his schedule and said that they had issues with their scheduling program, and sure enough somebody else had been "pushed into my 4pm slot.".. I said oh, and he said can you come at 5 and thought about it for a moment, then he offered to move the person that was in my spot- I said oh no, don't do that I will take the 5pm it will work out. I would feel soooo stinkin guilty knowing that T had to reschedule somebody else because of me.. ANYWAYS..

I wonder if your inability to speak up to T and say you want a session next week makes you feel as though, you are in able to speak up for yourself in a T session? Just throwing that out there..

[pbutton]

So. No response. Back to the old HE CAN BURN IN HELL mentality. Fun.