[Wren_]

what does this mean in therapy - that some T's mirror their clients
does your T do this?

(mentioned in another thread today but has come up a lot in the past as well)

[RTerroni]

It doesn't seem to be that way.

[unlockingsanity]

It's easier to explain through an example.

Your voice gets quieter. T mirrors you and quiets his own voice as well.

One time, a previous therapist wore the same zip-up I was wearing, but in a different colour. I joked that he didn't have work that hard at mirroring me in session.

My current T does it as well, though he is so smooth about it, I don't notice it right away. He might turn on his compassionate voice if I'm talking about something difficult or if I'm upset. This change makes me feel like he is really paying attention and is attuned to what is happening during the session.

[doyoutrustme]

It can mean a lot of things.

Most of what they do is observe what you are doing and objectively send it back to you, like a mirror. It helps build your sense of who you are.

Some go as far to literally sit the way you sit, and even dress the way you dress.

Most commonly, they will take wha you just said to them, and repeat it back to you in their own words. This not only makes sure they understood you correctly, but make you feel like they truly heard what you said.

[Wren_]

thanks for sharing what the mirroring is like and how your T's have or haven't used it

Mine uses reflective listenig at times which seems to be the same or similar to this:

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

Most commonly, they will take wha you just said to them, and repeat it back to you in their own words. This not only makes sure they understood you correctly, but make you feel like they truly heard what you said.

and uses some of the words I use at times to refer to things which I guess is part of mirroring also

glad he doesn't go beyond that though

[Freewilled]

I've noticed that when my T seems to be *very* attuned to me, he starts stumbling over his words a little bit...it's very subtle, but I dont think its done on purpose. It's not manipulative. I think it happens because he is empathizing to such a high degree - cause I stumble over my words a lot....it doesn't happen every session, but it always seems to happen in the midst of very helpful and powerful sessions.

Or he could just suck at communicating like me lol Im not sure...

[yoyoism]

Yes, my T does this with her voice and words.

When I first started seeing her, I was really nervous and the stuff I needed to talk about was sad, so her voice was very gentle and quiet. Now, her voice will still go soft when I'm feeling small, but she'll speak normally when I'm feeling fine.

She also uses my words sometimes when she's repeating or clarifying what I'm saying. It's kind of weird but I don't mind it.

My t did the same thing. What I finally came to realize that she was doing was mirroring the best parts of me that I used to refuse to see. She made me look at my true self both bad (which I was already excellent at) AND good, and through her excellent use of the technique I came to love that true self. Man, did I have a good t!!!!

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by yoyoism

Yes, my T does this with her voice and words.

When I first started seeing her, I was really nervous and the stuff I needed to talk about was sad, so her voice was very gentle and quiet. Now, her voice will still go soft when I'm feeling small, but she'll speak normally when I'm feeling fine.

She also uses my words sometimes when she's repeating or clarifying what I'm saying. It's kind of weird but I don't mind it.

Thanks for this - it has just made me realize my T does this and for the last few sessions has constantly spoken in a whisper. I didn't understand why but thought it was a bit weird! Thankyou.

T doesn't 'copy'me. She reflects back to be respect for who I am.

[stopdog]

I don't think the woman I see does this. I don't look at her that much. I don't imagine I would probably notice if she was trying it. I don't fully understand (although I have read that it can happen) how a therapist could mirror dressing like a client unless they kept a large wardrobe and changed between clients, only saw one client a day, or scheduled all clients who dressed alike on the same day so they could all be mirrored the same. Or perhaps choosing to mirror one client a day and leave all the other clients out in a schedule so every three weeks, for example, a specific client would be mirrored.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

It can mean a lot of things.
Most of what they do is observe what you are doing and objectively send it back to you, like a mirror. It helps build your sense of who you are.
Some go as far to literally sit the way you sit, and even dress the way you dress.
Most commonly, they will take wha you just said to them, and repeat it back to you in their own words. This not only makes sure they understood you correctly, but make you feel like they truly heard what you said.

Well, when your own wardrobe is mostly grey tshirts and black sweaters and jeans, and your t wears jeans and tshirts or sweaters every day, you're bound to mirror some days! I think mine makes a deal of it now because I made a deal of it in two ways - one, by commenting, "hey we're twins!" or "you're wearing my sweater today" and the other by telling him how my mother never dressed us in matching mother daughter outfits, even though her sister did with my cousin, and it was a big thing when I was growing up.

[photostotake]

After reading threads asking questions like this one, I've tried to see if my t mirrors me in any way. My t does match my tone at times. If I get quiet and reflective, he tends to also. If I start to joke around and lighten the mood a bit, he does the same. Of course, if I start to get angry (which really doesn't happen often), he doesn't do that- thankfully.

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I wonder do male ts dress like their female clients and vise versa
I have a nice image of t in jeans and a shirt seeing one of her male clients.
In all serious though t does mirror me. She sometimes wears clothes like mine and she will wear necklaces that I would like. I have noticed her cross her legs when I cross mine or blow her nose when I blow mine or check my reaction to something she says and then mirrors my laughter

[FeelTheBurn]

I remember noting once, "geez, she's sitting kind of weird, I've never seen her sit like that before," and then realized I was sitting like that. Which I immediately changed, because it really looked stupid.

.
Why would T mirror sitting or dressing? I don't get that?

Anyone?

[Nightlight]

People often unconsciously mirror one another during a conversation, smiling together, frowning at the same time, both leaning forwards, and so on. Yesterday I saw a therapist and she was leaning her head on her hand. I started to do the same thing without thinking about it, but the thing I tried to rest my elbow on was a bit too high and then I suddenly realised what I was doing. I often unconsciously mirror my therapists as well, when we're having a good conversation.

Another therapist that I see thinks that mirroring me is important because it's something parents unconsciously do when their children are babies, and it's something I missed out on.