[Daeva]

As some of you may recall the last session with my T, my feelings were hurt because of how I perceived and internalized something she said about my academics and thought she was attacking me/not on my side. I went into a spiral of depression for a few days, but climbed out of it with the help of my C (counselor) and she helped me find a new coping method instead of SI. She told me to try to do a few productive things during the day then at the end of the day I could look back and feel good. She said even calling someone pretty is considered productive. So that helped me enormously, even got me back on track at school!

Well today I had an appointment with my T. She asked how I was and I said better then I was last week and she asked why and I was nervous because I have always had an issue telling people when they've hurt my feelings, it makes it awkward and I just feel guilty cause I don't want them to feel guilty or to hurt their feelings. But I felt worse because my T knew that it led me to SI and I was really reluctant to tell her. But I somehow managed to get out, "Well last session my feelings were hurt." and she said, "Okay, if I recall correctly we were talking about your school work."

And I said "Yes...oh you want me to actually talk about it. I hate talking about it." And she said, "Yes I would like you to, I think it would be very therapuetic since i know how hard it is for you to talk about your feelings." and I explained thats because my family consistently hurt me and didn't care and if I had feelings I was punished for them. so I had a bit of anxiety and said, "Okay I guess the main thing that really bothered me was when you said, "did robin know you had homeowrk when you were in her office.' It hurt at first but then I got angry and wanted to say that was none of your business, but it really hurt my feelings when you said it." And she said, "OKay can you tell me what exactly you felt when i said that to you?" and I'm like, "Yes I felt shamed and guilted, which I hate, and I think this is why it bothered me so much, because my family used guilt to control and abuse me my entire life. My entire family, and then when you did it it just sent me back." And she nodded, "So last session we were also talking about your feelings towards me, and you said you have put me in that parental role, so when I said something like that you heard it as scolding you, and you felt guilted and it triggered something inside of you which sent you into a downward spiral."

Which made alot of sense. so I said "Yes, it worked though, I honestly am surprised it did because usually I am very defiant and I dig my heels in and say 'you can't make me do it' but I think it worked with you because I respect you more than I respect my family." she nodded and goes, "I want you to know that I never meant to guilt you, and you are an adult it's your choice whether you do your work or not, and I certainly will not go behind your back or around the bush, or in any way manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do or even want to do. I just want to see you succeed and accomplish your goals." And I nodded and told her I understood and that my feelings weren't hurt anymore.

So I went into detail about how after that I had feelings of betrayal, hurt, depression, anger, confusion and anxiety. And I told her the anxiety took the form of fear of her dying, and I told her I spent the last 2 weeks checking every day if her door was open cause thats how I knew she was okay and alive. And she nodded and said that it had to do with my fear of abandonement issues, especially after what happened last session. She took out this book and began to read passages out of it about fear of abandonment and I had every single one and it was crazy having my feelings read back to me like that. And she said it was okay. She also stopped and said, "I will not abandon you. I also want you to know that I won't abandon you for what you said today, it's okay for you to talk to me about those things, in fact I want you to. I will not abandon you, okay?" and I said yes.

Then at the end of session she smiled and said, "Good job at expressing your feelings today, you did it excellently."

It was all very therapuetic

[Syra]

That's terrific : ) Thanks for sharing.

[ShrinkPatient]

That's awesome!!! I wish I could talk openly to my T about some of the things she has said and how I feel about them, not that she hurts my feelings all the time, but it would be nice just to talk about how she makes me feel. Impossible for me.
Kudos to you!!!!!

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[tooski]

It was obviously difficult but you did it anyway. Good work!

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by ShrinkPatient

That's awesome!!! I wish I could talk openly to my T about some of the things she has said and how I feel about them, not that she hurts my feelings all the time, but it would be nice just to talk about how she makes me feel. Impossible for me.
Kudos to you!!!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

I hope you and your T can feel more comfortable together and you can tell her, maybe she'll surprise you with her response.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by tooski

It was obviously difficult but you did it anyway. Good work!

Thanks you!

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by Syra

That's terrific : ) Thanks for sharing.

Thank you so much!

That's so good to hear! Thank you for sharing your good news

[coleychi]

YAYYYYYYYYYYYY
so happy for you and glad that your therapist was so great and validating and supportive.