[unlockingsanity]

Has anyone gone to a session and said basically nothing? I wanted to talk, but I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack and then spent the rest of the session trying not to let the anxiety take me over the edge. That meant I sat with my eyes closed with my head in my hands.

Has anyone else had this happen? How did you/your T handle it?

[Yogix]

That's totally happened to me. Twice. But the second time was actually a real big misunderstanding and totally funny.

The more serious time, though, I felt so frazzled and too many thoughts were rushing through my head at once, and I felt like I couldn't say anything but there was so much I wanted to say all at the same time. I sat there, and just put my head back against the couch, with my hands in my sweatpants pockets, and just stared at the ceiling the whole time. My T just sat in silence with me, and occasionally would remind me that it is okay not to say anything, but would attempt to ask me certain questions, and I just sat there, still didn't say anything. She was really sweet, and just let me sit and probably stared at me the whole time, but I didn't notice if she did!

The second time, I lost my voice and still went to session (who knows why), and I sat there in silence because I could barely speak, but my T at the time kept thinking I was avoiding something and I kept pointing to my throat to tell him I couldn't speak and he didn't get it. Haha.

[Yogix]

What happened with yours? Did that happen with you today?

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by Yogix

What happened with yours? Did that happen with you today?

Yeah that's just what happened to me today. Thanks for sharing your story. Makes me feel less alone.

[Nerak67]

I often couldn't talk and my t always said she wasn't going to talk but it wouldn't take long before she would start doing the talking. I liked that better than sitting in silence.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

Has anyone gone to a session and said basically nothing? I wanted to talk, but I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack and then spent the rest of the session trying not to let the anxiety take me over the edge. That meant I sat with my eyes closed with my head in my hands.

Has anyone else had this happen? How did you/your T handle it?

Happened kind of today. And happened immensely one other time. My T handles it generally well. The first time the way she reacted was awesome because her patience is what helps me trust her and feel less like "a job" to her.

(Excerpt cut and pasted from a similar prior post of mine):

Today was the first day in therapy that I just didn't want to talk. T told me that she feels like sometimes I like her and sometimes I don't...She said today...I didn't, and felt the need to back away from her. She also said it was perfectly okay to have those feelings. I told her I do like her ...but...I didn't know the reasoning behind my hesitation in talking her...Through a little exploratory discussion, we decided that I simply was afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable (her words) because the emotions I felt were not ones I had complete control over (my words)...She kept apologizing ...felt like she was rambling and this session was about me not her, etc. I felt bad but didn't really know how to convey to her that I appreciated the fact that she wasn't like "Oh nothing to talk about? Ok lets cut this short until next time..."

[purplemystery]

This actually happened to me for the worst time yet last week. You are definitely not alone. Sometimes things go well, and other times I'm just not feeling it. I felt a lot of anxiety and couldn't bring myself to say anything because it all sounded too intense/shameful/whatever to say out loud. I didn't think my T was handling it well at the time. I perceived her to be annoyed and frustrated, and feeling like it was a waste of time. I was beating myself up when I left, saying to myself that she deserves better and I should trust her by now since she has proven herself time and time again. Now I think I realize that she probably wasn't annoyed, and I was projecting this onto her. But I do think she didn't exactly know how to handle it. She seemed to think I might not have prepared beforehand. And she didn't say anything about how I could sit in silence if I would like.

How did your T react to your silence?

[feralkittymom]

Oh yeah. I'd often feel angry with myself afterwards because it seemed like a waste of time and money, and I'd feel as if I'd failed, and I'd worry that my T would get bored or annoyed with me--despite evidence to the contrary. He was actually quite attuned to the nature of silences and whether or not I needed him to break it or just remain with me in it. There were a lot of them. A lot.

I had sessions like that when I still saw t in her office, before she moved. Usually when that happened I'd do a sand tray instead and let my hands "talk" in the sand. One time I remember when I didn't feel like talking or doing a sand tray we sat there across from each other just "being" in that sacred space of my session. It was hard at first and I remember I said something really stupid just because I felt like I had to say something but then I sorta relaxed into it and it was nice allowing myself to feel her being there just for ME, like I was the only other human on earth, well for that 50 minutes of course. I (still) love her to pieces.

[granite1]

yes all the time in fact I have more sessions like this then not but im working on it

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by Nerak67

I often couldn't talk and my t always said she wasn't going to talk but it wouldn't take long before she would start doing the talking. I liked that better than sitting in silence.

I like it when my T talks, too. I am the type of person who likes to listen to other people.

Originally Posted by purplemystery

This actually happened to me for the worst time yet last week. You are definitely not alone. Sometimes things go well, and other times I'm just not feeling it. I felt a lot of anxiety and couldn't bring myself to say anything because it all sounded too intense/shameful/whatever to say out loud. I didn't think my T was handling it well at the time. I perceived her to be annoyed and frustrated, and feeling like it was a waste of time. I was beating myself up when I left, saying to myself that she deserves better and I should trust her by now since she has proven herself time and time again. Now I think I realize that she probably wasn't annoyed, and I was projecting this onto her. But I do think she didn't exactly know how to handle it. She seemed to think I might not have prepared beforehand. And she didn't say anything about how I could sit in silence if I would like.

How did your T react to your silence?

I think I was projecting my disappointment on to my T as well. T is very patient and just waits. Sometimes she will say something but she won't push me to talk.

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Oh yeah. I'd often feel angry with myself afterwards because it seemed like a waste of time and money, and I'd feel as if I'd failed, and I'd worry that my T would get bored or annoyed with me--despite evidence to the contrary. He was actually quite attuned to the nature of silences and whether or not I needed him to break it or just remain with me in it. There were a lot of them. A lot.

Yep. Exactly the same experience I am having!

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I had sessions like that when I still saw t in her office, before she moved. Usually when that happened I'd do a sand tray instead and let my hands "talk" in the sand. One time I remember when I didn't feel like talking or doing a sand tray we sat there across from each other just "being" in that sacred space of my session. It was hard at first and I remember I said something really stupid just because I felt like I had to say something but then I sorta relaxed into it and it was nice allowing myself to feel her being there just for ME, like I was the only other human on earth, well for that 50 minutes of course. I (still) love her to pieces.

That sounds super intense, but very healing.

Originally Posted by granite1

yes all the time in fact I have more sessions like this then not but im working on it

Thanks for sharing granite.

----------------------------------

I am feeling less beat up about it today. I think I just have high expectations for myself and expecting my T to be as disappointed with myself as much as I was.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

Happened kind of today. And happened immensely one other time. My T handles it generally well. The first time the way she reacted was awesome because her patience is what helps me trust her and feel less like "a job" to her.

(Excerpt cut and pasted from a similar prior post of mine):

Today was the first day in therapy that I just didn't want to talk. T told me that she feels like sometimes I like her and sometimes I don't...She said today...I didn't, and felt the need to back away from her. She also said it was perfectly okay to have those feelings. I told her I do like her ...but...I didn't know the reasoning behind my hesitation in talking her...Through a little exploratory discussion, we decided that I simply was afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable (her words) because the emotions I felt were not ones I had complete control over (my words)...She kept apologizing ...felt like she was rambling and this session was about me not her, etc. I felt bad but didn't really know how to convey to her that I appreciated the fact that she wasn't like "Oh nothing to talk about? Ok lets cut this short until next time..."

Sounds like me in reverse. I kept apologizing during session. I probably said sorry 20 times or more.

All the time. T is very patient.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Not recently, but when I first started therapy whilst dinosaurs were roaming, I was such a disociated mess that I just stared at her. I have no memory of these appointments, which were 3x a week, but we talked about them at length once I reestablished contact with reality.

I subsequently learned she was terrified of me because my stare was so intense and my face completely blank. She had tried to terminate with me, but my shell kept showing up; and as as a newbie herself, she didn't know what to do!

As I was getting better, I would experience times when I desperately wanted to tell her something, but there was a huge metal roller door in my head that blocked my ability to speak. In my head, I was shouting, but in reality, I was just looking at her with desperation written all over my face. She was no longer frightened of me by that point, and though she didn't understand what was going on, she was very compassionate and just told me she would sit with me.

Her dedication, love and loyalty during my prolonged silence (~2 yrs) let me feel safe enough to emerge and begin the work.

[Arha]

I have had some very long silences, and have at later times mentioned that I thought I was wasting my T's time. He said that it was not wasted: that it was time set aside for me, and that sometimes the silences are very powerful. It is extremely rare for him to break the silence.

I very much appreciate his patience - when discussing things afterwards. During the silence I am usually berating myself or very churned up.

[ready2makenice]

It happens more often than I'd like and sometimes when I know I'm not really interested in talking I would skip (I don't recommend it though,neither does my T)

Sometimes T is pulling teeth with me to get me to say two words or what I'm feeling,thinking,I become a complete mute and then I become upset with myself when I realized I've wasted an entire session saying nothing.

Once I broke down at the end of T and told my T that "this was pointless and we didn't get anything accomplished today,like I wasted time and money" I was pretty upset but we worked it out

Basically I've been there and sometimes it is a bit comforting to sit through the silence.

[A Red Panda]

I don't know if that could ever happen to me. I'm a "fill the silence with innane chatter" sort - I sorta dominate conversations without meaning to, because I get nervous that they'll say something that would reject me, so I just keep talking or leading the conversation on safe topics.

[Yogix]

This has for sure, happened to me. I've had two sessions that I distinctly remember walking in, sitting down, and saying absolutely nothing for the entire 50 minutes. Not even a hi, hello, how are you, or goodbye. Absolutely nothing.

Sesh 1: I was having a miserable day, and had been up all night studying for exams. T greeted me, said how are you, and I shrugged my shoulders. T sat down w/ me, asked how my week was and how I was, and I remember just bending over putting my chin in my hands resting my elbows on my legs and sitting like that for the entire 50 minutes. Didn't move a muscle, didn't utter a word. T sat with me, would occasionally say, "yogi it seems like you're really having a hard time, would you like to talk about it?" or something of the sort. And I said nothing. And when she said it was time to wrap up, I just walked out. Didn't smile or anything. She later called me to see if I was up for a second sesh that week because I didn't say anything. I said "ok" and hung up.

Sesh 2: Different T. Miserable week. Walked in, sat down, stared at her for 50 minutes. 20 minutes in, started to get up and put my jacket on, then walked towards the door and she quickly stood up, came over, said "yogi" and hugged me. I cried. then just quickly left.

And this is coming from someone who is usually so bubbly and happy-go-lucky so they knew something was seriously up.

I do feel another silent session coming up this Tuesday. It's been a miserable week, I've relapsed for the first time, so I'm just now preparing myself to not sit in silence.