.
I tried 2 new Ts. Remember I was just terminated after a flashback.

T#1 -- It seemed ok, but there is something holding me back from making another appointment. I feel concerned about Ts knowledge maybe or training, or something? I am not sure what it is....

T#2 -- very different style, but I had no question about her knowledge and training. she is a very different personality than me, but i agreed to go back. even if the fit is not there after a couple sessions, i felt like i could go back a 2nd time.

When you found your T, did you have any reservations?

Did you decide in one session or after a few?

What if you can't pinpoint the "something" that is holding you back from making another appointment with a certain T?

How do you know?

[HealingTimes]

I didnt have any gut feelings, other than sheer terror.

I only stuck it out because it was free and close to where i lived. I had many many concerns to start with, and those concerns only dissipated after about 2 and a half years.

[A Red Panda]

My T showed up for my 1st pdoc appointment and was there during that initial consult. I wasn't wanting therapy, but as he was there already I figured I may as well as he already knew what the pdoc was diagnosing me with. The first time I really met and talked with him, he actually hit a large trigger and I let him know that the next time. I do tend to follow my gut and he seems like he has a personality that is a good complement to mine.

[Jdog123]

The last time that I looked for Ts, which was 3 years 3 months ago, I made an appointment with 2. I went to see the first one and it just didn't feel OK - she wasn't particularly warm, though was very well-educated. It just didn't feel right and she was a bit too aggressive with payment (though she accepted insurance, she wanted me to pay the whole fee initially until she was sure that my insurance company would actually reimburse, which was really a financial hardship for me). I just couldn't imagine myself breaking down and having this person being able to comfort me. Luckily, I met with a second T 2 days later and it just 'felt' right. So I decided not to make an appt with the first T (she was going to be out of town the following week) and I've been seeing the 2nd T ever since.

Though I felt that current T was the T for me from the start, trusting and connecting did definitely take time, but these are my issues. It has been largely great, but we did have a couple of moments in the first 6 or so months when I had a couple of reservations--these largely had to do w/ my child part (I'm not DID, but we do IFS and I know from my trauma that there is a child who hasn't quite grown up...) being a bit demanding and she had trouble with this. But we always talked through things in session and it was better--we both made more of an effort to deal with the child. For almost 3 years I've not once questioned whether she is the right T for me.

Good luck!

I had tons of reservations. Sure, she seemed nice enough...but I felt suspicious of her motives and I thought to myself "I will give this woman 3 more sessions..." At the time, I didn't recognize a gut feeling, but for whatever reason, I kept going back. I kept threatening to quit, but I still kept going back. I have no idea why.

A year and a half later...it's become one of the most important relationships I've ever had in my entire life.

With my first T, I walked out of the initial session. I went back because the dietician said it was that or I had to go to the hospital.

I tried several other T's and all felt "wrong" relatively quickly. With my current T, I walked out with some hope that things would improve for me, and feeling like he was intelligent, a good listener, and that he was someone I would really like in "real" life.

[Freewilled]

I emailed several Ts and the T I ended up sticking with was the only one who responded in a way that seemed professional, but also warm and caring. I went to the first session straight out telling him I would NOT talk about my marriage and that I was NOT sure if therapy was for me LOL. I was extremely guarded and my T suggested I try for only 4 sessions and then see where we were at...he didn't even get defensive...

He gave the first session for free. He was willing to see me on a sliding scale and let me choose the amount (my insurance ended up working out but we didn't think it would at the beginning). He called my insurance for me. He was just so very accommodating and just really helpful. I couldn't see any fault in him, although I looked and looked very hard! He has been a good fit thus far. I'm so thankful for him

[Rzay4]

It takes a few sessions.

[unlockingsanity]

I was pretty desperate when I changed T's.

One of the T's I interviewed came with glowing referrals from another therapist and my Pdoc. He is a bit older and when he was slow to respond to questions or to make comments, I was concerned. Eventually, I realized that he was taking time to respond with honesty. If I hadn't taken the time to understand that, I think that I would have thought that this guy was just really slow on the uptake! [I finally realized this when I asked him if he would tell me if he was frustrated with me. He paused, considered the questioned, and then answered. He didn't just flip off an answer.]

For a long time, something really bugged me about him. Not in a negative way, but in the sense that I felt like something was different about him and I couldn't put my finger on it. I finally realized that it was because I wasn't used to having someone who genuinely tried to understand me and was so attuned to me during session. It was unsettling because I didn't know what it felt like to be genuinely understood.

I had been interviewing another T. I felt like rationally, she was a textbook would tell me was the better choice because she would be on my butt to change and give up poor coping skills. I thought I needed someone to tell me what to do instead of listening to me and understanding me. I realized I was wrong though, when after meeting her I felt emotionally raw after I was expected to spit out information about very private and personal experiences that I'd never fully discussed with anyone - at the first appointment. There was also an expectation that I would give up certain behaviours immediately. It was so overwhelming. I didn't go back, but I did call her to tell her that I'd decided to go with someone else.

So my advice, would be that you take your time in deciding who is good fit. Don't be super rush to judge. A former T told me to give it 3 sessions before deciding one way or another. I think that was a good amount of time to sort of assess whether or not your T is a good fit for you.

I hope my experience is helpful.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Mine, I liked straightaway, there was just something good there - though I would have keeled over in disbelief if someone had told me a few weeks later I'd be starting to get attached to her.

I made the second appointment before leaving, then thought wtf am I doing I can't afford this (she charges $200 per hour full whack, offered me some off because I wasn't working when I started, but it was still an unsustainable fee for me). So I emailed to cancel, saying once I had taken care of some other financial commitments and had more disposable income I'd come back. Then she reduced her fee more, to something I could afford properly, and I took that as a sign I was meant to do this therapy at this time with this person

I've seen a few in my time (for one or two sessions before drifting away) and there has been who jarred outright with me, several who were nice and decent people but I felt no connection with, and some who I think if I was to meet them in my current state of life (rather than my immature years) I might click very well with. But yes, with my current therapist I knew it was an unusually precious opportunity.

[rainbow8]

Yes, I felt it in my gut right away that my new T was the right one for me. At least I knew that I'd be able to talk to her openly. After I saw her once, she suggested seeing someone more experienced with EMDR, and I made the appointment, looked her up online, and panicked. I told my T I wanted to see her for sure. That was almost 4 years ago.

I never picked my other Ts and never thought about whether they were right for me or not.

[tinyrabbit]

I liked my T in session 1. He said a few very astute, understanding things that made me feel very seen in a good way.

Then the reservations set in. The nature of my transference (due to neglect and other stuff in childhood) meant I became convinced he didn't know how to look after me and he wasn't going to try. I got lost in a fantasy where my T (who has 20+ years experience and an excellent reputation) didn't know anything and didn't even know what processing trauma meant.

I think I was always going to have reservations because I brought them with me. But they were never really about my T or any fundamental part of how he works or who he is. Somehow I knew I could safely have those reservations. I never really thought about whether he was right for me exactly - I knew I liked him and he was willing to see me again so I gave it a go.

[stopdog]

She was not the worst one I saw, she had no stuffed animals in her office, and her office is located conveniently near my work and home. She seemed not completely incompetent, was as adequate as the others I interviewed, and was reasonably convenient. But I never had any gut thing with any of the ones I have seen or interviewed other than a few I despised right off the bat.

[feralkittymom]

Yeah, I did, about half way through the first session. I'd had a rec and had checked out his credentials and position, so I knew he was well-trained and accomplished. I knew there were others at the University Counseling center who I accepted were nice and basically competent, but I also knew their caseloads would be weighted toward college adjustment problems, room-mate squabbles, etc. I was in my early 30's and had serious concerns that I couldn't feel confident unless a T had more depth of knowledge and experience. But it was his confidence coupled with quiet demeanor and empathy that struck me as right for me.

[blue84]

help

[lightcatcher]

I was given T details from my boss. I don't really remember much of the first few sessions as I was such a mess. Looking back I think I knew T was a good fit, why I don't know. Just is.

[ar2004]

I had never been to therapy before and didn't know what to expect other than what you see on TV or in movies. I could tell in the first session that my T's style was a good match. She is very organized, professional, caring, and sensitive to how I'm feeling.

In addition to checking my insurance network for a T, I used Angie's List to help find my T who had a good review from a client. I use Angie's List now when searching for any kind of doctor.

[ThisWayOut]

I rarely trust my gut, but I'm working on that. A few of my t's I would say I learned more towards, and a few I did not. One recent t I saw for only 3 sessions I had a "mismatched" feeling about right after the first session. I went to 2 more because the center has been recommended. After the third session, I realized that she just wasn't going to work for me. I'm still at the same center, but with a different t. This t made me feel like she wanted to take the effort to understand why I was there and to see if she actually could help me. It felt less rushed and more genuine.
I have found that the t's I connect with better seem to be the ones that leave me feeling ok after the first session. I may have questions and fears, but they are of a different quality than the doubts I leave a poor match with. I have seen enough t's, and stuck with enough that were not all that helpful, to finally be able to pick up on some things during the first meeting. Mostly that consists of personality differences or mismatches in style. Outside of the t I interviewed before my current one though, most have not been glaringly wrong, just "not quite the right fit" (actually, scrap that. There was one other lady who wanted to hospitalize me based on history alone, and refused to work with me if I did not go on meds. She called me a liar and said we had no reason to trust each other (which, when said in an accusing and hostile tone as i walked into her office, has a very different meaning than an admission of fact when a client admits to trust issues with strangers) That was all in the first 10 minutes of ever meeting her. SHE was glaringly wrong for me...)

[anilam]

No, not really. I just thoght well, this one is not annoying me that much- compared to other Ts. So I went back and waited how it's going to turn out- it's 7 yr now and I'm still on the fence

The first time I saw my current T, I was seeing another T, who was (I'm sure) a good therapist but not a very good fit for me. She suggested that I contact a psychiatrist to discuss my medication, and she gave me the name of a private practitioner tied to the public health system. He was also a licenced psychotherapist, but that was not why she suggested him. I went to see him as a pdoc, and immediately felt more at ease and able to talk to him than I had ever felt with my then-T; he asked me difficult questions and listened to my answers, and I opened up more than I ever had with my therapist. I saw him a couple more times as a pdoc, and felt the same way both times. Then I decided to quit therapy with my T, and at that point, a friend of mine suggested that I should ask the pdoc if I could see him for therapy instead. I would probably not have been able to ask the pdoc for this, but my friend wrote a letter which I brought with me to the pdoc, who agreed to take me on.

All of which is a convoluted way of saying "Yes, I did feel it in my gut from the start, but it took me a while to act on that gut feeling."

[jacq10]

My first T I saw I university I decided to discontinue after a couple of sessions because I felt that our personalities didn't really match. A year later, I found myself participating in a mindfulness group that she was leading, realized that she had a whole other side that I didn't give her long enough to show me, and went back to her! She was one of the best T's I ever had.

I was also a little hesitant of my current T when I first met her. She seemed to use humour to try and reframe things, and I initially thought it was insensitive. I stuck it out however, and 2 years later I just love her.

I think the T relationship is just like any other we have in our lives. There are some people who we know right from the beginning we will hit it off with, there are others that slowly grow on us, and even others that take us by surprise and become our closest friends. If all else fails, the T relationship is different in that you can straight out acknowledge the elephant in the room. If you're unsure of this T, bring it up and talk it out

[Lamplighter]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I tried several other T's and all felt "wrong" relatively quickly. With my current T, I walked out with some hope that things would improve for me, and feeling like he was intelligent, a good listener, and that he was someone I would really like in "real" life.

MKAC's experience very much parallels mine. Even though the first two sessions I saw my new T he was really hesitant and kept pulling the rug by constantly telling me he didn't think he could help me (which he later reckoned I'd misunderstood!), I nevertheless felt instinctively that he was someone who COULD help me.

So yeah, there was a bit of a gut feeling involved there, just as there had been with every previous T whom I knew almost immediately were going to be useless for me. Something to be said for trusting your gut instinct.

[SkinnySoul]

Definitely. I felt some kind of weird connection. His aura was comforting to me.
And just after the first session was over I couldn't help but think "Man this one's a charismatic shrink!".

I hate to admit it because he's really cold and distant at times, but he is too clever.

[Asiablue]

My 1st T i had a gut instinct that she couldn't help but i ignored it cos i really liked her, turned out my gut instinct was right, she couldn't help ultimately. My 2nd T i went to my gut instinct was that i didn't like her style, but decided to ignore that because she was really what i thought i needed. 7 months later, i wish i'd listened to my gut cos i wasn't getting anywhere with her cos i didn't trust her. THis 3rd one, i got a really good feeling about her right from the first meeting, i liked her a lot and i'm hoping my gut feeling about her is right.

[pbutton]

T1 - I left thinking it was nice that he was not anxious. I didn't think about him much one way or another. I was too busy having panic attacks.

T2 - I thought he seemed nice & very understanding. I was still pouty and wanted T1 back though.