T looking at my mouth...

purple orchid · Nov 02, 2013 at 12:56 AM

I've noticed that my T spends a lot of time looking at my mouth.
Especially when I respond to a question, by that I mean not the sound that comes out of course lol, but my mimics I guess. Has anyone else noticed this with their T?
He is not hard of hearing so it's not lip reading or anything like that, just kind of how I smile or don't smile I think.
It's kind of starting to annoy me, because when I speak I can see him not looking me in the eye but at my mouth.
Is it so easy to read people by their mimics I wonder?
Does he think I'm trying to hide something from him ??
Thanks for any ideas....

IndieVisible · Nov 02, 2013 at 01:01 AM

He could have a hearing problem like me, I look at the mouth too so I can match the lip reading to what I hear. It helps us.

ECHOES · Nov 02, 2013 at 08:24 AM

I also am hearing impaired and rely on lipreading, especially for consonant sounds. I can tell it unnerves some people, so if I notice that happening, I will explain why I do that.

It is a good question to ask her and talk about how you feel about it. Or have you asked already and that's how you know he isn't hard of hearing?

Rzay4 · Nov 02, 2013 at 08:30 AM

Interesting never had that issue. I agree he might be hard of hearing. Is he older?

purple orchid · Nov 02, 2013 at 12:36 PM

Thanks for your replies.
I'm 90% sure it's not something to do with his hearing.
My husband is hard of hearing and reads my lips all the time. This is different.
When T says something, he looks at my mouth to see how I react.
It doesn't have to involve me speaking, lots of times I don't say anything.
I smile a lot and I'm obviously giving lots of things away with my mouth and mimics
I'm so curious what they are...

Miswimmy1 · Nov 02, 2013 at 12:44 PM

maybe it's just his way of showing that he's engaged. I know that my t studies my face, not just my eyes. Ask him about it. He might not even realize he's doing it. Or maybe he avoids eye contact on purpose. Some clients would rather not have their therapist staring at them in the eye.

purple orchid · Nov 02, 2013 at 12:54 PM

He looks me in the eye when speaking but after he says a comment he looks directly at my mouth, even if a verbal answer isn't required. To see what my mouth is doing, lol.
I think I will have to ask him..! But maybe he won't want to tell me what I'm giving away!

unlockingsanity · Nov 02, 2013 at 01:13 PM

Maybe he really love your lips? Do you have full, beautiful lips? LOL

anilam · Nov 02, 2013 at 01:19 PM

I'd definately ask why he's doing that- reading facial expressions is fine but staring at your lips? I'd weird me out.

phaset · Nov 02, 2013 at 02:49 PM

Does he ever make eye contact? I get really uncomfortable looking into other people's eyes. I also have a hard time concentrating on what someone is saying unless I watch their mouth.

Nov 02, 2013 at 03:01 PM

I suspect it is just a habit, the way he probably listens to everyone rather than it having any significant meaning. He probably doesn't even know he is doing it.

tealBumblebee · Nov 02, 2013 at 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I suspect it is just a habit, the way he probably listens to everyone rather than it having any significant meaning. He probably doesn't even know he is doing it.

I second this opinion.

I can't look people in the eyes without losing my train of thought. I tend to look more at the nose/face/forehead just not directly in the eye because I find that i'm too focused on "maintaining appropriate eye contact" to keep up the conversation.

ECHOES · Nov 04, 2013 at 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purple orchid

He looks me in the eye when speaking but after he says a comment he looks directly at my mouth, even if a verbal answer isn't required. To see what my mouth is doing, lol.
I think I will have to ask him..! But maybe he won't want to tell me what I'm giving away!

Now that you have put it this way, I can relate. Here is what I think. My T is an analyst and I don't know it that's relevant but I think it could be. I think when she does this, she is *really* listening and not paying attention to my mouth, but just avoiding eye contact so that she can hear with that "3rd ear" and interpret what she's hearing. She doesn't do it all the time, so there must be times when she needs to focus intently on the words and how they relate to my therapy as a whole. I think she is 'connecting dots', making connections and associations. This is the way she can connect seemingly unconnected ideas and seeing their common thread or theme: abandonment, or feeling left out, etc.

What do you think? Could your T be doing something similar?

purple orchid · Nov 05, 2013 at 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Now that you have put it this way, I can relate. Here is what I think. My T is an analyst and I don't know it that's relevant but I think it could be. I think when she does this, she is *really* listening and not paying attention to my mouth, but just avoiding eye contact so that she can hear with that "3rd ear" and interpret what she's hearing. She doesn't do it all the time, so there must be times when she needs to focus intently on the words and how they relate to my therapy as a whole. I think she is 'connecting dots', making connections and associations. This is the way she can connect seemingly unconnected ideas and seeing their common thread or theme: abandonment, or feeling left out, etc.

What do you think? Could your T be doing something similar?

Thanks Echoes. Yes, I think my T is definately analysing something by looking at my mouth or seeming to look at my mouth
I just wish I knew what it was and what I am letting out...
Sometimes I think my T knows me better than I know myself, what a scary thought!

Perna · Nov 05, 2013 at 01:36 PM

I was reading replies on another board and one person explained they were pretty short so (when standing) would have had to look up to look in their eyes, etc. I would analyze how the two of you sit; it could be that it is "easier" to look at your mouth than your eyes?

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IndieVisible Grand Poohbah Member Since Aug 2013 Location: NYS Posts: 1,872 10 19 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 01:01 AM #2 He could have a hearing problem like me, I look at the mouth too so I can match the lip reading to what I hear. It helps us. __________________ Follow me on Twitter @PsychoManiaNews
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ECHOES Legendary Member Since Aug 2007 Location: West of Tampa Bay, East of the Gulf of Mexico Posts: 14,352 (SuperPoster!) 16 1,020 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 08:24 AM #3 I also am hearing impaired and rely on lipreading, especially for consonant sounds. I can tell it unnerves some people, so if I notice that happening, I will explain why I do that. It is a good question to ask her and talk about how you feel about it. Or have you asked already and that's how you know he isn't hard of hearing?
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Rzay4 Veteran Member Member Since Oct 2013 Location: California Posts: 516 10 428 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 08:30 AM #4 Interesting never had that issue. I agree he might be hard of hearing. Is he older? __________________ Diagnosed with: Major Depression, Bipolar with Borderline traits, Grief/Anxiety, depersonalizations disorder, disassociating identity disorder, PTSD Lost dear older bro November 1987 to March 2005 My love for him will never stop
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purple orchid Member Member Since Sep 2013 Location: A long way from home Posts: 156 10 66 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 12:54 PM #7 He looks me in the eye when speaking but after he says a comment he looks directly at my mouth, even if a verbal answer isn't required. To see what my mouth is doing, lol. I think I will have to ask him..! But maybe he won't want to tell me what I'm giving away!
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unlockingsanity Grand Member Member Since Apr 2013 Location: Antarctic Posts: 772 11 161 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 01:13 PM #8 Maybe he really love your lips? Do you have full, beautiful lips? LOL
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anilam Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Middle of Nowhere Posts: 1,806 13 743 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 01:19 PM #9 I'd definately ask why he's doing that- reading facial expressions is fine but staring at your lips? I'd weird me out.
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phaset Member Member Since May 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 364 10 164 hugs given	Nov 02, 2013 at 02:49 PM #10 Does he ever make eye contact? I get really uncomfortable looking into other people's eyes. I also have a hard time concentrating on what someone is saying unless I watch their mouth. __________________ Small things are big, huge things are small Tiny acts have huge effects Everything counts, nothing's lost
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Anonymous100110 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 02, 2013 at 03:01 PM #11 I suspect it is just a habit, the way he probably listens to everyone rather than it having any significant meaning. He probably doesn't even know he is doing it.
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Perna Pandita-in-training Member Since Sep 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 27,289 (SuperPoster!) 17 550 hugs given	Nov 05, 2013 at 01:36 PM #15 I was reading replies on another board and one person explained they were pretty short so (when standing) would have had to look up to look in their eyes, etc. I would analyze how the two of you sit; it could be that it is "easier" to look at your mouth than your eyes? __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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