[Nerak67]

I am looking for a new t. I am keeping my cbt t for anxiety issues but I think I need someone else to deal the the transference, neediness, attachment issues I've clearly had.

Here's the thing. I have never interviewed a t. The 2 I've had came recommended and I just went and kept going. Now I need to go through my insurance. I can't find anything online about any of the ts on my policy. Because of my social anxiety I don't think I can ask them questions about how they work etc before I make an appointment. I wish they had websites or something.

Also, I really want someone who is going to be available between sessions with email but don't think I'll have the guts to ask that.

I guess I don't really have a question unless someone has suggestions other than I have to suck it up and do it! Darn this social anxiety.

[Lamplighter]

Hi there Nerak, I thought there was a thread around here somewhere that talked about the sorts of things it would be useful to ask a T - I get what you're saying about being too anxious to ask much, if anything, before an actual appointment, but perhaps if you had a written list of questions it might be easier?

While I understand what you mean about wishing you could get some info or see a website or something about prospective Ts (I would only ever make appointments with Ts about whom I already knew a fair amount) - I wonder if it's not such a bad thing to know nothing about them until you actually meet them? I say that because I'd get a certain impression of what I thought a potential T would be like from their info and photos and whatever other stuff I could glean about them, and invariably they turned out to be completely different from how I expected them to be (this over the course of time not just on first meeting them) and that was always a negative thing. So maybe it's no bad thing not to know too much about them in advance.

Having said that, there are some things you probably do need to know. Ah I just remembered where I've seen a thread on questions to ask a T, it's on a different forum, I'll post the link here it might give you some ideas to think about anyway

Questions for a new T - Topic

Hm don't know how to name it in the link. It's called 'Questions for a new T'.

Good luck with your search!

LL

p.s. lol the link came up with the name anyway. Magic

Perhaps you could make 2 copies of your list of questions... one for the T and one for you to take notes at your first initial meeting... I would just say while holding out the sheet of paper... I have a list of questions that I would like information on...

and get out a pen and look at your paper.... If he seems to hesitate you could ask it this way... How do you handle #1?

would that seem easier?

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by Nerak67

I am looking for a new t. I am keeping my cbt t for anxiety issues but I think I need someone else to deal the the transference, neediness, attachment issues I've clearly had.

Here's the thing. I have never interviewed a t. The 2 I've had came recommended and I just went and kept going. Now I need to go through my insurance. I can't find anything online about any of the ts on my policy. Because of my social anxiety I don't think I can ask them questions about how they work etc before I make an appointment. I wish they had websites or something.

Also, I really want someone who is going to be available between sessions with email but don't think I'll have the guts to ask that.

I guess I don't really have a question unless someone has suggestions other than I have to suck it up and do it! Darn this social anxiety.

If you're able, I would ask the T from the outset what their boundaries are regarding e-mail. Because a T could allow e-mail, but still have boundaries surrounding how often, in what situations, if they will reply or not, etc. Do you feel you need a T who will allow unlimited e-mail? I don't mean to be harsh, but I have a feeling that part of working through your insecure attachment, 'neediness' etc. is learning to navigate boundaries and in this sense, if you saw a T with little or none, it might not ultimately be helpful. Do you agree with this?

[Nerak67]

Originally Posted by ultramar

If you're able, I would ask the T from the outset what their boundaries are regarding e-mail. Because a T could allow e-mail, but still have boundaries surrounding how often, in what situations, if they will reply or not, etc. Do you feel you need a T who will allow unlimited e-mail? I don't mean to be harsh, but I have a feeling that part of working through your insecure attachment, 'neediness' etc. is learning to navigate boundaries and in this sense, if you saw a T with little or none, it might not ultimately be helpful. Do you agree with this?

I absolutely agree with this. I do not need someone who is going to encourage the dependence like my first t. Do you think it would be better if I had someone with no contact outside or some? When they allow some is when it gets tricky because I end up pushing the boundaries. But if they allow none I will stifle the neediness but then maybe I won't work through it. As always, your advice is spot on.

[Nerak67]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Hi there Nerak, I thought there was a thread around here somewhere that talked about the sorts of things it would be useful to ask a T - I get what you're saying about being too anxious to ask much, if anything, before an actual appointment, but perhaps if you had a written list of questions it might be easier?

While I understand what you mean about wishing you could get some info or see a website or something about prospective Ts (I would only ever make appointments with Ts about whom I already knew a fair amount) - I wonder if it's not such a bad thing to know nothing about them until you actually meet them? I say that because I'd get a certain impression of what I thought a potential T would be like from their info and photos and whatever other stuff I could glean about them, and invariably they turned out to be completely different from how I expected them to be (this over the course of time not just on first meeting them) and that was always a negative thing. So maybe it's no bad thing not to know too much about them in advance.

You are probably right that it is better to judge them in person based on my specific concerns. Plus, Based on my past experience I'll become attached to anyone

[Nerak67]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Perhaps you could make 2 copies of your list of questions... one for the T and one for you to take notes at your first initial meeting... I would just say while holding out the sheet of paper... I have a list of questions that I would like information on...

and get out a pen and look at your paper.... If he seems to hesitate you could ask it this way... How do you handle #1?

would that seem easier?

I'll definitely do that, thanks. I used to always write things down for my t that were hard to say.

[Favorite Jeans]

Can you interview them a bit by email beforehand? Just some questions about their policies, philosophies etc

[Nerak67]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Can you interview them a bit by email beforehand? Just some questions about their policies, philosophies etc

I can't even find email addresses on them. It shouldn't be a big deal but i have a little bit of a phone phobia. Time to conquer that I guess.

[Fartraveler]

That list of questions suggested by Lamplighter is really great.

I'd also make sure that they have multiple years of experience dealing with whatever your issue is,

and make sure that they have supervision -- a supervisor or at least a supervisory group.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by Nerak67

I absolutely agree with this. I do not need someone who is going to encourage the dependence like my first t. Do you think it would be better if I had someone with no contact outside or some? When they allow some is when it gets tricky because I end up pushing the boundaries. But if they allow none I will stifle the neediness but then maybe I won't work through it. As always, your advice is spot on.

Maybe 'some' would be good -and then avoiding the extremes of none or too much (on your end) --navigating this, figuring out when and why it's helpful, meeting your reassurance needs in direct and straightforward ways, even if having a hard time expressing them at first; you have to start somewhere.

But I feel like it's important for you to discuss, as much as necessary, with the therapist, so it's out in the open, and doesn't become a round-a-about push-pull. I actually think discussing your feelings surrounding it would be hugely helpful --there's so much more to this than 'outside contact' alone, it has a lot of meaning, and may bring up other things that would be useful to work on and work through.

Are you sure you can't work things out with your current T? Do you want to change because of the e-mail issue only or are there other things going on?

[Nerak67]

Originally Posted by ultramar

Maybe 'some' would be good -and then avoiding the extremes of none or too much (on your end) --navigating this, figuring out when and why it's helpful, meeting your reassurance needs in direct and straightforward ways, even if having a hard time expressing them at first; you have to start somewhere.

But I feel like it's important for you to discuss, as much as necessary, with the therapist, so it's out in the open, and doesn't become a round-a-about push-pull. I actually think discussing your feelings surrounding it would be hugely helpful --there's so much more to this than 'outside contact' alone, it has a lot of meaning, and may bring up other things that would be useful to work on and work through.

Are you sure you can't work things out with your current T? Do you want to change because of the e-mail issue only or are there other things going on?

Thanks. I am definitely staying with current t for cbt for my anxiety but just doesn't deal with any if the relationship stuff. I know I haven't brought it up but he has also clearly avoided the issue when I sent a couple of glaring emails. He has just pretended they never happened. He responds to emails that are benign. He is great and really helping me but think I need someone else for the attachment stuff because it was a huge issue with my old t too.