[HealingTimes]

I really like my T, and she is a great T.
Sometimes i feel like she is too good. She always seems to know the right thing to say/do, always knows exactly what i need/want and sometimes i find that very annoying!

I dont know why on earth it annoys me, and i know she isnt always perfect (as she has made a few mistakes along the way), but sometimes i say to her "stop always saying and doing the right thing!!".

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Friend, I love you, but I gotta say that I do not understand this at all. I have had the opposite problem with my recent T and sometimes I want to ask her if she got her degree from a box of Cracker Jacks.

[Leah123]

I don't get annoyed, I get scared.

[granite1]

I don't know how to react to it . she isn't overly nice but isn't mean either .she does get frustrated

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413

Friend, I love you, but I gotta say that I do not understand this at all. I have had the opposite problem with my recent T and sometimes I want to ask her if she got her degree from a box of Cracker Jacks.

LOL, GG that reply was so funny i almost spit my cola all over my laptop Thank You

[HealingTimes]

I was trying to work out why i get so annoyed with it. I thought that maybe it's because i am just not used to people being nice to me, but it's more than that.
As grateful as i am that she is always so supportive sometimes i just get so sick of her perfect ability to help me!

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

I was trying to work out why i get so annoyed with it. I thought that maybe it's because i am just not used to people being nice to me, but it's more than that.
As grateful as i am that she is always so supportive sometimes i just get so sick of her perfect ability to help me!

Is it perhaps because she makes "fixing" your issues seem too easy, and maybe you feel.... frustrated or something that you couldn't see the solution for yourself, or figure things out on your own?

That's how I feel sometimes, especially early on, when I had a very hard time admitting I was in over my head with some problems.

[stopdog]

I get annoyed with her misguided attempts at empathy (or at least I think that is what she is aiming for). I have not experienced the therapist as particularly nice.

[HealingTimes]

Oh, so it's just me then...this doesnt make me feel awkward AT ALL

[tinyrabbit]

No it's definitely not just you! Personally I find it very confusing when my T is nice and helpful. It makes me suspicious and I wonder when it's going to end and what agenda he might have. I don't have anywhere to put him caring for me. It doesn't fit the templates I have.

Also, it makes for a painful contrast with other people.

[lrt1978]

When my is being T nice, it irritates the hell out of me and I don't like it at all, I don't understand why she is being nice to me & it just irritates me.



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[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Is it perhaps because she makes "fixing" your issues seem too easy, and maybe you feel.... frustrated or something that you couldn't see the solution for yourself, or figure things out on your own?

That's how I feel sometimes, especially early on, when I had a very hard time admitting I was in over my head with some problems.

No, i dont think thats it.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I get annoyed with her misguided attempts at empathy (or at least I think that is what she is aiming for). I have not experienced the therapist as particularly nice.

Does it not matter to you that you havent experienced your T as nice?

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

No it's definitely not just you! Personally I find it very confusing when my T is nice and helpful. It makes me suspicious and I wonder when it's going to end and what agenda he might have. I don't have anywhere to put him caring for me. It doesn't fit the templates I have.
Also, it makes for a painful contrast with other people.

Thanks TR, nice to know i am not alone
Sometimes it's like you describe, as i accuse her of playing mind games. But the majority of the time, it isn't. I wish i could put my finger on it.

Originally Posted by lrt1978

When my is being T nice, it irritates the hell out of me and I don't like it at all, I don't understand why she is being nice to me & it just irritates me.

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Thanks, lrt, nice to know i am not the only one who feels this way. Do you know why it irritates you?

[lrt1978]

No I don't, I keep wanting to say something to my T but not sure how to bring it up, I am assuming it may because I am not used to it so don't know how to react to it x

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[Jdog123]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

I was trying to work out why i get so annoyed with it. I thought that maybe it's because i am just not used to people being nice to me, but it's more than that.
As grateful as i am that she is always so supportive sometimes i just get so sick of her perfect ability to help me!

No, no, I did feel this, too. I became suspect of her bc my parents were never nice toward my emotional needs. I thought that there was something behind her being nice and it scared me. Like maybe she was being nice because she was about to terminate me or because I was crazy or she actually didn't care bc my parents' "caring" manifested itself by not being nice. It took a couple of years, maybe more, for me to accept that I'm worth it and her being nice is a GOOD thing and what I deserve as a human being. I think that some of my fear creeps in every once in a while still, though, but just for a few minutes.

[HealingTimes]

Thanks Jdog I just wish that i could figure out the reason behind it.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

I think Tiny said it...we don't have a template for how to deal with people who are just genuinely nice...we think that it is impossible that others to really like us.

I giggled to myself at this question because my initial response was that he isn't particularly overly nice. (He's downright blunt most of the time and even harsh occasionally, but that doesn't bother me. I appreciate his honestly.) That it isn't really true that he isn't nice though. The words I would prefer to use to describe him are incredibly kind and generous with his help and guidance.

He has gone beyond the call of duty on a number of occasions to assist all of us in my family with some very real crises. He's taken the initiative to make very helpful phone calls to doctors and hospitals, etc. that have pulled some strings for us and have been greatly eased our burdens during those times. Things like that I find to be truly kind-hearted, thoughtful, and caring.

So no, I guess it doesn't bother me when he is kind. I find it quite comforting to know he's got my back.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

Does it not matter to you that you havent experienced your T as nice?

No it does not matter to me. I don't think she is necessarily actively unkind most of the time at me. She just is not actively nice either. She is just sort of there. I have never found the woman to be especially attuned to me in any way and even she admits she misreads me.
Frankly, if the woman started being nice, I would be unsettled and probably not like it.

[ready2makenice]

I don't understand this either quite frankly...my T happens to be exactly like me at times,sarcastic and a smart *****

I do not have this "problem" but I reckon it would annoy me to,like mess up sometime,say the wrong thing,be more human

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

No it's definitely not just you! Personally I find it very confusing when my T is nice and helpful. It makes me suspicious and I wonder when it's going to end and what agenda he might have. I don't have anywhere to put him caring for me. It doesn't fit the templates I have.

Also, it makes for a painful contrast with other people.

THIS.... I could have written this...

[Nerak67]

I go to the other extreme. The nicer they are to me the needier I get and the more niceness I want!

[tinyrabbit]

I think basically I see the niceness as finite and I keep wondering when and how badly it will end.

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I think basically I see the niceness as finite and I keep wondering when and how badly it will end.

In the back of my mind i have the knowledge that it will end. I know it will, as it should. Maybe this is what bothers me ?
No, actually i think it's more to do with the fact that i don't feel like i deserve niceness.

[pbutton]

I hate it because it feels like he thinks I am weak enough to want or need him to be nice to me. (Which is likely true, but totally horrifying to me.)

[HealingTimes]

Oh God, maybe i am just a total freak.