Long session short, I tell T I'm depressed
T asks what's going through my mind?
I tell her the images of my mothers madness. Her finger pointing telling me I'm the devil incarnate.
T says the trouble with my mothers projections is that they took away my ability to know my reality.
T says it's almost impossible to break through someone else's madness. But she said I do at times.
I tell her I couldn't let mother see the effect her projections had on me. I accepted them as a gift so as not to hurt her by letting her see how she hurt me.
T said, but your mother had no ability to feel compassion nor have compassion so by my wanting to not hurt my mother doesn't that show that I was the one who had the ability to have compassion. That it was my mothers projections and never my lack off.
This conversation helped lift some of the weight off.
I told T I don't like talking about how my mother made me feel about myself because I do not want smug reassurance that I'm a fine person. T said "no, you want understanding" YES!

[CantExplain]

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[gayleggg]

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