Coming to terms with things

Boundary Issues in Abusive Psychotherapy | TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

After reading the above link I have no choice but to accept that the two ts I hav seen were unethical and abusive towards me. It doesn't give me much hope with my new t and in fact makes me want to quit therapy forever but I know I need to finally get the help I needed but didn't get from them.
My first t was the worst, I adored her, worshipped the ground she walked on and her supervisor who was my last t and I denied anything was wrong for so long but now I have accept what happened and it scares me. I guess I am. Feeling a little vulnerable and distressed.
I am not sure what I need from this but I welcome all feedback.
Thank you

I would try not to think of your new T like the old; the odds are that there can only be so many bad Ts and then you have to get one good for you; I would be hopeful this one is the good one rather than worried she was another bad one?

Can you see your last two as having helped you with some things? It's not all black and white and you have come away from the experience with some positives hopefully? Yes your T's boundaries have been crap there's no denying it but you've learnt to recognise what good and bad boundaries should look like and that is an important lesson which will help keep you safe in future.

Wow. That article should be made into a sticky on this forum. It really shows how off some Ts can be. Mona, it's good, but I'm sure painful, to see just how unethical your Ts have been. You deserve a good T with proper boundaries. They are not all like the ones you've seen. How's it going with new T if you've seen her again?

Thanks for the replies and the different views
Perna, yes that is one positive way I can start to think about it. It will help me to move forward.
Absolutely Asia, they have been crap but I have learned how important boundaries are in therapy and how they are there to keep a client safe. They did help me- the hard way- how to keep myself safe in future therapeutic relationships.
Blur, I haven't seen her in three weeks now but she is very strict with boundaries, doesn't go a second over time and does not hug or touch clients. She is very kind without getting too close or attached.
Hopefully it will stay that way

I don't want to invalidate your experience or doubt your concerns about these particular therapists - I've read many of your threads before, and I know there have been concerns expressed about boundaries before. It's been a little hard to keep up - but there seem to have been situations both with your Ts and with your tutors and dual relationships there.

I read the link you posted, and the vast vast majority of things on the list point to bad and unethical therapy.. but there are other things, that, on their own, might come down to perception, to an extent - or that, in context, may not be glaring red flags.

In the interests of not being black and white about it, and recognising 'grey area', I want to say that I believe that some 'boundary crossings' can be beneficial and therapeutic in some instances and with some clients. I think that a possible danger in the list you posted was that 'crossings' have been lumped in with 'violations' - violations being things that are never okay - with no distinction between them.

Here is one link that discusses such things...
Dual Relationships, Multiple Relationships, Boundaries, Boundary Crossings, & Boundary Violations in Psychotherapy, Counseling & Mental Health - by Ofer Zur, Ph.D.

Going over time or giving a client a hug are two examples that I believe can be acceptable and therapeutic - depending on the context, circumstances, the therapeutic relationship, and the needs of the individual client at that time - as well as to what frequency or extent such crossings occur.

Basically, I wanted to echo what Asia said about trying to hold on to the good as well, and recognise where you have been helped - and not to paint the entire therapy with a big black brush - as I myself might be tempted to, in your position.

I know you feel vulnerable and distressed.. but.. they say that information is power, right? So (although one would hope it isn't necessary), if you read up and educate yourself on appropriate boundaries, so that you can better recognise 'red flags' and protect yourself, hopefully you will be better able to trust this new T and allow yourself to be vulnerable again.

I feel like a danger here is that you might shut down and hold back and not allow yourself to be open to the therapy process or being an engaging partner in the therapeutic alliance.

Yes. This actually sounds pretty standard with what I've experienced with most Ts I've seen. Before I came to this forum I didn't even know some Ts do touch or contact between sessions unless it was a crisis. I think my one T may have hugged me once or twice in a couple years of seeing her.

I agree that it is good to hold onto the positives you gained from your Ts and let the bad stuff just fall to the ground as much as you can.

Everyone seems confused about my tutors and my ts- just to clarify my t is not my tutor and my tutor has never done any counselling with me. I did start a thread about my friend who went for counselling with my tutor.
Thank you for the link jsg
Hugging and going over time is ok for some and not crossing a boundary but for me in my case it was all about t. She would go over time when she wanted to talk about something or to hug me when she needed it. I suppose every client is different with their needs and expectations, there were sessions when I needed a hug when i was having a hard time and t would not hug me but I was well behaved and we had a nice session and I let her talk about what she wanted to talk about she would hug me then.
There is a danger that I will not be as open to any relationship with any therapist anymore but I will deal with that when it arises. I have two excellent tutors who show me how a healthy therapist operates and one not so good tutor whom I don't want to operate like. There are lots of lessons to be learned from both scenarios and knowledge is power but it is how you choose to use your knowledge and power that counts.

mona, the article you posted in the OP is now a sticky. thanks for posting it.

Thank you Blur