[Daeva]

1) So T, on monday, began to call me by a nickname, just out of the blue. Granted we have been getting closer to one another, and what not. It's not that I have a problem with her calling me by a nickname per se, I find it very affectionate and it makes me beam inside and all warm. The problem is with the specific nickname she chose to call me by. I have had this nickname from others who got fond of my personality, and I like it. The issue is that my verbally and emotionally abusive Grandmother has been calling me this since I was little and still does today. It's odd because in the moment there is no problem it's only when I recall it that it bothers me and to think of it it just for some reason is really triggering.

I'm unsure of whether to tell my T, because on one hand I don't really know if I want her to call me that, but on the other hand I don't want her to not call me by a nickname and withdraw that sort of affection. Like lately she's bestowed upon me more care and attention and I feel rejecting it at this point is not a good idea. I was thinking of maybe explaining it to her and giving her two other nicknames I don't mind being called. Yet perhaps my T calling me this could also be a good thing and get me past the whole nickname triggering me thing. What do you guys think? Any experience with this.

2) I love you guys, and I know how difficult it is to be friends with me. I also know how difficult it is to be me. And I just want you guys to know that I realize my behavior lately has been a bit erratic, neurotic, emotional and completely hostile. I apologize for it, I have been off my meds because I can't afford them and it's been a very trying few days. I want you guys to know that sometimes I'm not looking for advice just some support and comfort, like a 'it'll be okay' or even simple, 'i can see how that would be frustrating' something like that. I'm sorry I have been mean and hostile towards some of you and also very difficult to put up with lately. I hope you can forgive me for the stress and burden I must have placed on everyone here.

[growlycat]

starting w/#2 --- I don't know what makes you believe you are difficult? Not at all. I haven't seen any hostility-----hugs!!

#1-- you can tell your t at any time what is triggering you, but maybe her using the nickname affectionately can help "reclaim your name" and give it back the positive feelings that should go with it. If you let her keep calling you this, your grandma's bad behavior may be pushed to the background and your nickname can be "yours" again--hope this makes sense

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by growlycat

starting w/#2 --- I don't know what makes you believe you are difficult? Not at all. I haven't seen any hostility-----hugs!!

#1-- you can tell your t at any time what is triggering you, but maybe her using the nickname affectionately can help "reclaim your name" and give it back the positive feelings that should go with it. If you let her keep calling you this, your grandma's bad behavior may be pushed to the background and your nickname can be "yours" again--hope this makes sense

Yes! that makes total sense and what my third option was I think my T and I really need to discuss this.

[purplemystery]

I also agree with growlycat that this might be a good opportunity for you to "reclaim your name." In one of my psychology classes, my professor was talking about how the term "b****" (please excuse the language) has long been used to put women down. But then women started reclaiming the word, so that some now say "yeah, I'm a b****, what of it?" Women might also refer to their friends with this word. Not the best example because obviously that word is still offensive, but I hope that makes sense. It could be a way for you to reclaim power from your grandmother.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

I also agree with growlycat that this might be a good opportunity for you to "reclaim your name." In one of my psychology classes, my professor was talking about how the term "b****" (please excuse the language) has long been used to put women down. But then women started reclaiming the word, so that some now say "yeah, I'm a b****, what of it?" Women might also refer to their friends with this word. Not the best example because obviously that word is still offensive, but I hope that makes sense. It could be a way for you to reclaim power from your grandmother.

I think so too! I'll discuss this with her, see how it goes!

[healingme4me]

I agree, confront about the nickname. There's, two ppl (stand correct three), left on this earth, allowed to call me, by my nickname. Its an affectionate one, from my Mom. Those, I wouldn't cringe, were close to her. Anyone else, it's a no go, and would result in a serious, please don't call me that, from me. Even my gram and dad, don't use it.

Stand firm, assert what your preference is, regardless of what past attachments are to it.

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[Daeva]

Thank you!