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well, i will try and make this short and sweet. My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years. since than in 2012 was a horrible year. i cheated on him the night before thanksgiving. all through 2012 was very on and off fighting, blaming each other,selfishness, bars, etc. well since the beginning of december 2012 we got back together and were still going strong! (lol) as of recently I have come to terms about what i put him through. Honestly, I thought the grass was greener on the other side and i was missing out on life an partying, going to the bars, meeting new ppl/friends, etc. I didnt realize what i truly had. I'm 24 years old and I'm lost,confused, happy, sad, pretty much everything above. Anyway my main issue right now is since we have been back together i have totally changed as of what i use to be? Yes i admit that i cheated on the man that loves me unconditionally and would do anything for me. Yes I played games with him not knowing what i'm doing to him. i constantly wanted to be the center of attention (not loud an obnoxious) I thought it felt so good to be wanted buy all these people. It was always me trying to get back with him, telling him i was going to change for the better, an everything a man wants to hear from the girlfriend. So he would take me back and i still continued doing what i was doing, lying. I got so caught up on myself so much that i was creating all these lies and stories i started getting into denial and hit rock bottom. since May this year I literally woke up and came to my senses that i'm only getting older now, time to put your grown up pants on. i (think) have turned around for the better and moving forward towards a future and barring the past. He has told me numerous times how much i have improved/ matured, go out to bars everything i use to do i dont. No i didnt change for him i changed for me an being a better person and hopefully future wife/mom some day. within the last couple of months we have been so in love so happy and laughing together like a whole new relationship it feels like. 2 weeks ago awhile i was at work he went started snooping through my stuff which is whatever, he found a picture of me with old friends from the past and that night was horrible. he again was snooping through my laptop on my Facebook page which i don't care i'm not hiding anything but he found old messages from 2012 and since than its been this crazy roller coaster we just cant get off of. I no i lost his trust i hurt him .. but i feel like he also took me back and thats his fought for snooping, now if it was resent than yes we would have issues but all of this is in the past. and now every night when i come home he is so constaly stressed out at work and cant get the Facebook messages out of his head and having a lot of insecurities he is always knocking himself down and i dont fight him on that i listen and i tell him if i could go back i would have never done thoughs things and i feel so horrible about them. when i make him feel better hes great but than the next day is the samething again and again. i'm scared i dont know what to do or say. i'm so worried about him i'm constantly depressed, questioning, anxiety, having a hard time sleeping not eating right (i blame that on Adderall) which is becoming a harder drug for him and I to not take it anymore. i'm just lost and confused, I want to save this relationship because when him and I are great the good totally out way the bad. please help?!?!?
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Nov 23, 2013, 03:51 AM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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