[neutrino]

I've seen quite a few threads on here about wanting to be hugged by your therapist and hugging your therapist etc. I get why people would like to be hugged but am I the only one here who would freak the F out if my therapist hugged me? I don't think I'd ever go back to that therapist.

I'm not entirely sure why but I've developed some sort of sensitivity to being touched (according to psychologists I'm probably quite sensitive to stimuli in general). I've had it since I was a child. Back then I was sensitive to tags in my clothes etc but since the last four years or so it applies to people as well. I think touching/hugging is an enormous intrusion of my "personal space" and I only let the people who are really close to me hug me (and I must admit I often have a bit of a hard time with that as well). Touch just makes me really uncomfortable for some reason.

Just curious about whether or not people out there feel the same way.

Have a good day!

I have the same problem with physical proximity. We had to stop EMDR because I couldn't stand my T so close. But on the other hand I would love to have hug. Go figure.

[CantExplain]

I'm sure your T would respect that.

[Asiablue]

I'm sure you're not alone in not wanting to be hugged by your therapist and there's nothing wrong with that.

I fall into the ambiguous camp of wanting a hug but also incredibly uncomfortable with physical proximity.

Yeah it would really freak me out if my T (any of them) ever hugged me. Not something I ever wanted or felt.

[lrt1978]

I have the same problem. I haven't had any physical contact with anyone for years, hugs etc as it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I don't know how to react if someone did hug or touch me, I just go all stiff and rigid.

Sometimes when I'm upset, feeling down, talking about hard stuff in therapy, I feel like I really need hug off T but if T did, I would freak out. Because if anyone gets to close I can't stand it and I tell them or shout to stay away from me as I feel really uncomfortable with any closeness

It's hard

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[anilam]

No, you aren't.
There are posters, me included, that don't want their Ts to hug/touch them. We just don't often post on those threads- I do read them however, trying to understand why this is so important for many.
I told my T in the beginning and he treats me accordingly- no touch policy here.
I do want to be more open to touch by ppl close to me- an area I want to work on in therapy. Still my T doesn't fall under this category. Don't get me wrong I like him but I find this RS to be too one sided for physical contact to occur.

I don't hug most people if I can avoid it, and certainly not T. We shake hands, that's a neutral, friendly and non-invasive kind of touch, but hugging would just be inappropriate. I hug people in my family - my siblings and nieces and nephews - and a couple of close friends. I have another friend who likes to hug me, she hugs a lot of people, and I am a bit uncomfortable with that.

I don't see this as a problem at all, except when people I don't want to hug try to hug me. It's just a question of where my personal preferences lie, and it doesn't have anything to do with emotional closeness. I am emotionally close to my T, whom I do not hug, and fairly emotionally distant from my sisters, whom I do hug.

(neutrino, do you ever read Magdalena Ribbing's etiquette column in the web version of DN? She often has people asking her about how to politely avoid hugs from acquaintances, so it's certainly not just you. Hugging is not as much a part of our culture in the same way it is in some other countries, I think. And again, there's nothing bad or problematic about that, at least not the way I see it. I would not want to be more touchy, or feely. I have googled a bit to try to find out whether it is considered ethical for therapists in this country to hug their clients, and from what I understand it seems as if it is in general considered unacceptable practice except in very special cases, such as at the end of the final session after years of therapy, and the client always has to request it.)

[A Red Panda]

I am not comfortable with touch.... I'd flip out if my T went to give me a hug. Do I think that it's something I actually need to work on? Yes. I flinch and back up if people get too close to me (I'm getting better at hiding this reaction though!). When I'm really sad/upset I tend to want that physical closeness with someone... but it tends to make me panic more!

[caseygirl]

I would freak out if a male therapist ever hugged me, but that is due to past childhood sexual abuse. However, if my current therapist hugged me I would love it.

[caseygirl]

Didn't mention, current therapist is a female therapist.

[granite1]

i would never want my T to hug me at all.

[finonaey]

yeah I think I would freak if my t hugged me..she has asked twice and I told her no and she respected that

No way.

In fact, I sit as far away as possible.

I sometimes find it strange that people want their T to hug them, because the truth is, the client does not really know the therapist.

That freaks me out. I don't want someone touching me I don't know.

As someone posted in another thread, many T's have their own issues.... what the client sees is only the therapist side... we don't know the other sides.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I don't see this as a problem at all, except when people I don't want to hug try to hug me. It's just a question of where my personal preferences lie, and it doesn't have anything to do with emotional closeness. I am emotionally close to my T, whom I do not hug, and fairly emotionally distant from my sisters, whom I do hug.

(neutrino, do you ever read Magdalena Ribbing's etiquette column in the web version of DN? She often has people asking her about how to politely avoid hugs from acquaintances, so it's certainly not just you. Hugging is not as much a part of our culture in the same way it is in some other countries, I think. And again, there's nothing bad or problematic about that, at least not the way I see it. I would not want to be more touchy, or feely. I have googled a bit to try to find out whether it is considered ethical for therapists in this country to hug their clients, and from what I understand it seems as if it is in general considered unacceptable practice except in very special cases, such as at the end of the final session after years of therapy, and the client always has to request it.)

I don't see it as a problem either (the fact that I don't want to be hugged that is). Other people do though. Mostly my parents and my boyfriend. It makes me feel like a bad person sometimes. And it's a problem for me when other people want to hug me, just like you said.

I've never read Magdalena Ribbing's column, no. I'll check it out! I think you're probably right about our culture being different than for example the American culture when it comes to hugging etc. However, I know for a fact that I like touch way less than the average person. I guess we're all different. Glad to hear I'm not alone though! It's interesting to hear that it might be considered unacceptable practice to hug clients here when it doesn't seem to be in the US. Where did you read about it?

Originally Posted by anilam

There are posters, me included, that don't want their Ts to hug/touch them. We just don't often post on those threads- I do read them however, trying to understand why this is so important for many.

I guess I understand why it might be important for some people to hug their therapist though it's something I can't understand on a personal level, if you know what I mean. Anyway, it's good to hear I'm not alone.

Originally Posted by lrt1978

I have the same problem. I haven't had any physical contact with anyone for years, hugs etc as it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I don't know how to react if someone did hug or touch me, I just go all stiff and rigid.

Yeah, that's pretty much what happens to me too. Especially if I'm not prepared for being touched. For example if someone who talks to me suddenly touches my arm or something. It freaks me out for some reason (though I usually manage to not cringe/run away/tell them to not touch me). It also sort of triggers my OCD in a way. Not always but sometimes. I need to feel even and if someone touches me on one arm I sometimes feel the need to touch the other one as well, which annoys me.

Originally Posted by Stringcheese

I sometimes find it strange that people want their T to hug them, because the truth is, the client does not really know the therapist.

That freaks me out. I don't want someone touching me I don't know.

Yeah, I know nothing about my therapist except he has a brother who's a lawyer. That's pretty much it. The fact that I don't know anything about my therapist scares me sometimes. What if he abuses his "power" and harm me or something? I doubt that'd happen but the thought has crossed my mind.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Stringcheese

I sometimes find it strange that people want their T to hug them, because the truth is, the client does not really know the therapist.

I wanted Madame T to hug me because I was ATTACHED to her. I'm not attached to Mr T, so I don't want him to hug me.

[Miswimmy1]

I think not wanting to be hugged by your therapist is a perfectly normal thing. I hate being touched by my therapist. If she tried to hug me, I would push her away. No doubt about it. Hopefully, your therapist respects your personal space and would ask you before he/she tried to hug you.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I don't want my T to hug me either, despite thinking she's fab I find the emotional intimacy from all the talking to be quite enough - I'm maxed out, a hug would be too much on top of that. I don't go to her office wanting physical comfort, I go to verbally splurge all the crap in my head out and try to unpick it, and hugs would feel like a waste of time. Just wouldn't be my thing. That's just my personal opinion to be very clear - I absolutely see how hugs can be healing and awesome for others.

[healingme4me]

No, you aren't the only one, who'd be freaked out, by a hugging therapist.
I'm not a touchy, feely type of person. I have, as long as I can remember, like my personal space. Just part of who I am.
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

I don't want my T to hug me either, despite thinking she's fab I find the emotional intimacy from all the talking to be quite enough - I'm maxed out, a hug would be too much on top of that. I don't go to her office wanting physical comfort, I go to verbally splurge all the crap in my head out and try to unpick it, and hugs would feel like a waste of time. Just wouldn't be my thing. That's just my personal opinion to be very clear - I absolutely see how hugs can be healing and awesome for others.

I agree with this. That's also why I don't really want to get to know my therapist either. I mean, I'd probably like to know more about him than I do now but I would definitely not want to become friends with him or whatever. I don't want to know the person I talk to about all the miserable things in my life. I don't want to see that person outside of therapy. Do you feel that way as well?

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

No, you aren't the only one, who'd be freaked out, by a hugging therapist.
I'm not a touchy, feely type of person. I have, as long as I can remember, like my personal space. Just part of who I am.

Personal space is the best.

[Lamplighter]

Bit late to this thread sorry, but a good topic Neutrino thanks

Just wanted to say that I also not in any way shape or form even vaguely think of wanting to be hugged (or touched) by T. I just don't derive comfort from phsyical touch or closeness, it's not hardwired into my brain, at least not any more (I expect it was at some point in the distant past.) In fact I'd freak out and run a mile if T were to hug me, and as it is, his small use of touch currently creates big feelings in me.

So having said that, I somehow know that getting to the point where I did want and seek physical comfort whether from T or in real world, would be an indication of healing on my part. Sort of one of those, 'I hate the idea of this, that means it's exactly where I need to go...' situations.