[tametc]

I have an appointment tomorrow with my new T, which of course has me thinking about my old T. I miss him. Years ago, I wrote a list of qualities that I look for in a therapist, and I realized at the time that these qualities were things I saw in him. Plus, I had previous therapists who didn't have these qualities, and it usually caused a lack of trust. Just wanted to share the list here, as a way to honor him and work through my grief.

**********************

Someone who sees me as a person, not a "patient".

Someone who respects the fact that I am informed, intelligent, and the one who has the last say on what's right for me.

Someone with a sense of humor, not only to laugh with me, but to laugh at themselves occasionally.

Someone who will continue with me even if they're not getting as much money as they would if my insurance hadn't run out for the year.

Someone who walks with me in the healing journey, and who knows enough about being a therapist to be able to offer guidance, but not to control the process.

Someone who is honest.

Someone who genuinely cares about me and likes me (I can always tell when there is a real connection vs. seeing me as "just another client"). I need to feel that personal connection, like I matter to them.

Someone who accepts me no matter what I'm feeling or no matter what I say or how I say it.

Someone who has done their own healing so that they do what they do because they care about people, instead of being unhealed and "needing to be needed".

Someone who knows their own boundaries and makes those clear to me, instead of not having boundaries and then blaming me for crossing them.

Someone who can listen to me when I'm angry with them, and not react right away.

Someone who is available in case of crisis, or even "mini-crisis".

Someone who respects my spiritual beliefs.

**********************

Dear old T, I miss you right now, and am crying over losing you. I hope you are able to deal with this time in your life without being too sad. You are in my prayers, and I love you.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by tametc

I have an appointment tomorrow with my new T, which of course has me thinking about my old T. I miss him. Years ago, I wrote a list of qualities that I look for in a therapist, and I realized at the time that these qualities were things I saw in him. Plus, I had previous therapists who didn't have these qualities, and it usually caused a lack of trust. Just wanted to share the list here, as a way to honor him and work through my grief.

**********************

Someone who sees me as a person, not a "patient".

Someone who respects the fact that I am informed, intelligent, and the one who has the last say on what's right for me.

Someone with a sense of humor, not only to laugh with me, but to laugh at themselves occasionally.

Someone who will continue with me even if they're not getting as much money as they would if my insurance hadn't run out for the year.

Someone who walks with me in the healing journey, and who knows enough about being a therapist to be able to offer guidance, but not to control the process.

Someone who is honest.

Someone who genuinely cares about me and likes me (I can always tell when there is a real connection vs. seeing me as "just another client"). I need to feel that personal connection, like I matter to them.

Someone who accepts me no matter what I'm feeling or no matter what I say or how I say it.

Someone who has done their own healing so that they do what they do because they care about people, instead of being unhealed and "needing to be needed".

Someone who knows their own boundaries and makes those clear to me, instead of not having boundaries and then blaming me for crossing them.

Someone who can listen to me when I'm angry with them, and not react right away.

Someone who is available in case of crisis, or even "mini-crisis".

Someone who respects my spiritual beliefs.

**********************

Dear old T, I miss you right now, and am crying over losing you. I hope you are able to deal with this time in your life without being too sad. You are in my prayers, and I love you.

This is a great list, thanks for sharing.
I'm so sorry about your old T that you're missing him so much, I hope you can get that type of relationship with your new one! We're here for you.

[tametc]

Thank you, Daeva. I hope I can get that, too, with the new one. But alas, she's already told me that she doesn't feel that she can see me for anything other than grief work. When I see her tomorrow, I'm going to ask her more about why she feels she can't be the one to deal with my trauma issues. I think it's because she feels it might take more time than she originally thought, and she wants to retire in the next 5 years or so. Also, it's a deeper trauma than even the incest and ritual abuse stuff, and I don't think she's worked with this stuff before. But, I'm just guessing, so I will be asking her directly tomorrow. <Sigh> It's so hard to be a big girl sometimes.

[Daeva]

Is she a trauma T? She may feel incompetent/inadequate if she's not, that could be it too, I'd bring it up with her tomorrow.

[CantExplain]

Warm, supportive, conciliatory.

The acid test is: do I feel better after the session than when I arrived?

[RTerroni]

Great list, I just hope that my next Therapist (provided I return to Therapy) won't drop me almost immediately because we have difficulty seeing things the same way.

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Is she a trauma T? She may feel incompetent/inadequate if she's not, that could be it too, I'd bring it up with her tomorrow.

Yes, she is a trauma therapist. In fact, she is who my old T recommended. I am nervous, but also looking forward to talking with her tomorrow.

[Daeva]

I hope it goes well! I'll be with you in case you need pocket riders

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Daeva

I hope it goes well! I'll be with you in case you need pocket riders

It was cold here in Wisconsin today, so I actually wore a blazer in therapy. It has two pockets, and I smiled every time I thought of you being with me. It went well. I've learned so much already from people here on the forums, and it helped me to be clear about my questions and concerns. I wrote a list before I saw her today, so I wouldn't forget anything I wanted to ask. I'd like to write more details later, but for now, I'm tired. Just wanted to say a great big THANK YOU before I go to sleep.

Glad it went well

[Fuzzybear]

glad to hear it went well