[Pepsiholic2013]

I think I may have had a bad experience with a therapist... and I'm shocked because I didn't expect for this to happen with a therapist.

I reached out to a community organization and asked about psychodynamic/object relations therapy... I was brought in for an intake appointment and assigned a therapist. I e-mailed the therapist and asked her what kind of orientation she worked from - and I got a response back that she is CBT and that it's important for me to work with someone with the orientation that I want. She gave me referrals to outside organizations (that didn't work on a sliding scale). I finally got a response back that there was one therapist in the organization that does work from a psychodynamic perspective - and she e-mailed me for an appointment later that day.

On our first appointment she said that she does work from a pscyhodynamic/object relations perspective, and we even talked about attachment theory and she talked about a powerful video that was done as a study for attachment theory - about a person that had many obstacles in life but very positive and strong attachments in early childhood and was able to overcome those adversities when most other people would have not. She pointed out that I got very emotional when she was telling me about it.

Throughout the week I would think of all kinds of things to talk about in therapy... and then once I got there I would struggle with what to talk about. When she would ask me what I wanted to talk about, I would say, "Well what do you think would be most beneificial?" I'm always worried I will talk about something and not be talking about something that will help me.

Eventually she seemed to become very dismissive of me. I told her about a problem I had with my mother and she would say, "Well your mother doesn't have that to give you..." and try to change the subject. Eventually she would become very frustrated with me not having anything to talk about... and then when I in passing told her that I was sleepy from not getting much sleep last night - she then broke out markers and construction paper and did a "Pros of getting more sleep" and "Cons of getting more sleep" split on the paper. She then made me think of reasons and how it would be beneificial to get sleep and the cons, and then gave me the homework assignment of going to bed early and coming back and reporting how it went. This whole time I was like, 'WHAT THE!? I'm not stupid!" the reason I didn't get sleep was I was up all night working on a paper, not a continuous thing... and she would keep frustrated that I didn't have something to talk about (I found it very difficult for some reason to think or even commit to what to talk about)... eventually she wanted me to work on goals for therapy, and immediately I offered that I wanted to be able to match my outside display of emotions to my inside feelings... I tend to smile/laugh when I'm anxious/scared and sad/about-to-cry. This has been pointed out by many people, and even to my friends not believing me when I told them I was mugged (I was laughing and telling them in a sing-song manner). She then pulled out the Complete Adult Psychotherapy Planner and circled my complaints and had me choose a goal from what to do about each one... I was going to not come to this session and never contact her but I found it hard to leave her.

She then stopped and asked me what brought me here, what my expectations were... and she became very frustrated and started throwing her hands against her legs and her face became red and she said, "WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU POSSIBLY EXPECTING!?" I was so uncomfortable, and eventually we decided to terminate therapy and she gave me a referral to some oher professionals she knew. I asked her about a psychodynamic approach again, but all the referrals she printed out were "solution-focused" or "CBT" or "acceptance and commitment/EMDR." Again, not psychodynamic at all but I didn't say anything. She then asked me if I had any comments, and I told her that she seemed very dismissive when she said things like, "Well your mother doesn't have that to give you" and then tried to change the subject... and she was like, "Oh, I can see how you might think that. No wonder you shut down." and then asked if I wanted to start over and try again. No.

That whole session was EXTREMELY uncomfortable and I tried not to cry the entire time.... it was all fuzzy on the drive home and I had to pull over and did cry in the car by myself.

I now see a psychologist (sliding scale) that has been trained in a psychoanalytic society. It started out good at first, but now I also feel that she's beginning to be dismissive and not exploring things deeper... I'm going to bring it up to her but I don't see her again until next week due to this week being Thanksgiving and she's out.

I just can't believe that I would have that experience. I don't understand why she would try to be goal, if I complain about this then do that, etc. when we talked about her being psychodynamic/object relations in the first place. Why would she even say that when that clearly is not what she was working from? I just don't understand...

Uggghers...

[Littlemeinside]

She seems like a CBT therapist in the closet And not the least professional

I am sorry this happend to you. Since your new T is starting to react a bit is it possible, your issue really do need a more CBT approach?

I think it´s really cool that you want to work on matching your inner emotions with how you react on the outside. I am just not sure thats what you will gain form psychodynamic therapy?

You probably have other issues to, but most therapist are able to mix both ( or more) orientations, so it doesn´t have to be one or the other.

Do you focuse too much on the way they work rather than letting them judge whats the best way of helping you with the issues you bring up? ( Been there done that myself )

[ECHOES]

Talk to her about this now as it is happening. Your feelings and thoughts are yours, let her tell you what hers are.

It's important in this kind of therapy to talk as soon as you can about what you perceive is happening in the relationship. Even if that begins with saying something like "I think of things to talk about in therapy but then when I get here I dismiss their importance and so I don't talk about them." It's important and there is deeper meaning to this.

[Syra]

That sounds very painful. Sometimes it can be hard to find a good therapist and a good match.

I didn't believe I could have that kind of experience either, until it happened to me. Some therapists aren't that self-aware.

[looking4polaris]

Those sound like very frustrating experiences, especially having a T get exasperated with you.

I agree that it could be important to bring up your feelings of T being dismissive at your next session. Bummer that you have to wait til after the holiday. Could be important to mention that you experienced those feelings with the last T, too (so this T knows how important it is to you & also finding patterns, all that Jazz.)
That's something to talk about, at least.

So is not being able to think of things to talk about. Some psychodynamic T's might be interested in helping you to feel more free to say whatever is on your mind. Maybe your T is like that, maybe not. Maybe your T ( and you) are comfortable with silences, maybe not. Something else to talk about- if it gets too quiet (is there such a thing?)

Good luck!

[Fuzzybear]

[Petra5ed]

Wow, that therapist was definitely not very good. The only thing they really must do well is to show unconditional positive regard, so a big fail on that. It's very difficult to open up in therapy, thankfully mine is very patient. My T actually mentions how patient they can be all the time too, which is nice because it lets me relax and share at my own pace. Just like you I think of a million things to say and then forget them all when I'm there. I might just be talking out my ***, but I think that fewer and fewer therapists are taking a traditional psychodynamic approach. It was difficult for me to find one as well, and even though I have one now, the T I found still uses a mix of techniques. It seems like before you can even start real therapy you need to dedicate time to finding the right therapist, because they really do make it or break it in my opinion.

[Lauliza]

I also have a hard time coming up with topics to discuss in therapy, and have similar experiences with not being able to match up emotions and properly express them. When I first started with my pdoc years back, I thought I wanted a psychodynamic approach but ended up tongue tied in session. Sessions would often end early and I'd end up upset on my way home. It turns out that CBT is much more effective for me, particularly DBT which focuses mainly on identifying emotions and regulating/expressiong them. I'm not saying you need DBT, but a T who can nicely balance both approaches might be better than a purely psychodynamic one (and even thought you prefer it, it may not be the best approach for you). I think CBT is used so often its hard to find a strictly psychodynamic T these days.

[unlockingsanity]

I often struggle deciding what to talk about or feel like there is nothing important to talk about and I'm in weekly psychoanalytic therapy.

A good therapist helps to explore the topics you do bring up and to support you when you aren't sure what to talk about.