Should I call my therapist or should he call me?

neutrino · Dec 02, 2013 at 10:15 AM

Today my therapist got back from his vacation. I haven't seen him in a month and last time I spoke to him he suggested we talk on the phone today to book a new appointment. It's 4:15pm right now, which means he's probably off work now or within the hour and I haven't heard anything from him. I know I should probably be patient and give him some time since he just got back. I guess I'll have to wait (though I'm a bit impatient since I really just want to get back to therapy). Just wondering who's supposed to call whom? Am I supposed to call him or is he's supposed to call me? What's the protocol? I should add that I pretty much don't dare to call him. Contacting him is scary no matter if it is on the phone or via email. I feel like such a burden and like I'm being annoying so I avoid doing so. But what if he's forgotten about me or something? I know that's stupid but I can't help but worrying anyway.

What do you think?

Thanks.

stopdog · Dec 02, 2013 at 10:19 AM

I would call the therapist if I wanted to talk to them. I think it is possible that with just coming back from being away, time has gotten away or the therapist simply forgot.

archipelago · Dec 02, 2013 at 10:20 AM

My sense of how it works is that you are okay to call first because they are busy and may not have the time to get all of it straightened out right away if they just got back from a long break. You are actually helping by reminding them so I guess I wouldn't feel that it was being a burden but actually trying to be helpful and responsible.

Dec 02, 2013 at 10:22 AM

Call him. Call him!

[edited to add: You are not a burden. I promise.]

BlessedRhiannon · Dec 02, 2013 at 10:24 AM

Typically, I've found that therapists expect the client to call them. So, call him!

Dec 02, 2013 at 10:29 AM

You are expected to make the contact.

pbutton · Dec 02, 2013 at 10:31 AM

I really think you should call him. good luck!

GeorgiaGirl413 · Dec 02, 2013 at 10:37 AM

Call him this time. The next time he makes a suggestion like this say "Will you call me, or should I call you?" My T usually says, "you call me". I suspect it is because she may be making similar arrangements with several clients while I am only calling one T, so it may be easier for me to remember.

neutrino · Dec 02, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Thanks, guys. I'm really scared of calling people though (stupid social anxiety). What if he's in a session when I'm calling?! I know he wouldn't pick up if he was in a session but it'd be awkward anyway.

Dec 02, 2013 at 11:13 AM

If he's in session it's his responsibility to make sure his phone goes to voicemail/an answering machine. Please call. It's a quarter past five so he is probably still there, but maybe not for much longer. And keep us posted?

BlessedRhiannon · Dec 02, 2013 at 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neutrino

Thanks, guys. I'm really scared of calling people though (stupid social anxiety). What if he's in a session when I'm calling?! I know he wouldn't pick up if he was in a session but it'd be awkward anyway.

I am always worried about that too! I usually try to plan my calls for when I know she won't be in session (like 5 to 10 minutes before the hour) or I just ask the receptionist to send me directly to her voicemail. That way, I know the phone won't ring if she's in session, I can leave a message, and T will get back with me.

Favorite Jeans · Dec 02, 2013 at 11:46 AM

Call. Don't worry about where he is and what he's doing. That's his problem. If you really want a session this week, make sure you get one. The work that goes into figuring how to get what you need and pushing past your anxiety to make the call is its own therapy.

Lauliza · Dec 02, 2013 at 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by neutrino

Thanks, guys. I'm really scared of calling people though (stupid social anxiety). What if he's in a session when I'm calling?! I know he wouldn't pick up if he was in a session but it'd be awkward anyway.

Can you leave a message with a secretary or voicemail? I have social anxiety and I know how you feel. Whenever I need to call my T, I do it when I think he might not be there to answer. Then I leave a message for him to call me back.

Dec 02, 2013 at 11:52 AM

My T sends all calls directly to voice mail during business hours. His main phone has never rung during the 3 years I have seen him. I think his cell phone has buzzed maybe three times.

Dec 02, 2013 at 12:00 PM

I hope you're ok, neutrino

I should add that I HATE phones. I really dislike making phone calls. But it's possible to make them, when it's important enough. And your T does want to hear from you.

Daeva · Dec 02, 2013 at 12:19 PM

Call him!

Dec 02, 2013 at 12:33 PM

Can you text him instead? He suggested that you talk today so yeah I agree make contact with him today

neutrino · Dec 02, 2013 at 12:57 PM

I didn't call. I freaked out. I don't even know what to say. My social skills aren't good enough for this. What should I say when I call?

Besides, what if he really doesn't want to hear from me? I mean, what if he got upset when I told him about the problems we've encountered in therapy (the fact that we're going nowhere etc)? What if he's like "oh dear god, not neutrino again" or something?

Sorry for all the questions. If it seems like I'm freaking out a little bit that's because I am. I just really want everything to go well. I want things to be alright. I don't want to be on my own anymore.

Dec 02, 2013 at 01:10 PM

I know. It's ok - you can call tomorrow. Or does he have an answering machine you could call and leave a message for him to call you back? (Not sure if that would be better or not.)

As for what to say.... "Hi, this is Neutrino. We agreed to get in touch when you returned from your holiday, and I'd like to book an appointment with you as soon as possible." Doesn't have to be more than that. You could even write it down on a piece of paper so you don't have to worry about losing the words when you're on the phone with him.

neutrino · Dec 02, 2013 at 01:20 PM

Ok. That's a good idea. I'll write it down and then I'll call him after my exam tomorrow or something. Or at least I'll try. I'm just afraid I'll be bothering him or that I'll call when he in fact doesn't want me to. Wish I didn't care that much.

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Anonymous200320 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 02, 2013 at 10:22 AM #4 Call him. Call him! [edited to add: You are not a burden. I promise.]
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BlessedRhiannon Magnate Member Since Feb 2011 Location: Texas Posts: 2,396 13 27 hugs given	Dec 02, 2013 at 10:24 AM #5 Typically, I've found that therapists expect the client to call them. So, call him! __________________ ---Rhi
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Anonymous100110 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 02, 2013 at 10:29 AM #6 You are expected to make the contact.
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pbutton Oh noes! Member Since Jul 2011 Location: in a house Posts: 4,485 13 6,819 hugs given	Dec 02, 2013 at 10:31 AM #7 I really think you should call him. good luck!
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neutrino Poohbah Member Since Aug 2013 Location: The North. Posts: 1,105 11 13 hugs given	Dec 02, 2013 at 10:57 AM #9 Thanks, guys. I'm really scared of calling people though (stupid social anxiety). What if he's in a session when I'm calling?! I know he wouldn't pick up if he was in a session but it'd be awkward anyway.
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Anonymous200320 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 02, 2013 at 11:13 AM #10 If he's in session it's his responsibility to make sure his phone goes to voicemail/an answering machine. Please call. It's a quarter past five so he is probably still there, but maybe not for much longer. And keep us posted?
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Favorite Jeans Grand Poohbah Member Since Jun 2013 Location: In my head Posts: 1,787 11 1,825 hugs given	Dec 02, 2013 at 11:46 AM #12 Call. Don't worry about where he is and what he's doing. That's his problem. If you really want a session this week, make sure you get one. The work that goes into figuring how to get what you need and pushing past your anxiety to make the call is its own therapy.
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Anonymous37917 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 02, 2013 at 11:52 AM #14 My T sends all calls directly to voice mail during business hours. His main phone has never rung during the 3 years I have seen him. I think his cell phone has buzzed maybe three times.
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Anonymous200320 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 02, 2013 at 12:00 PM #15 I hope you're ok, neutrino I should add that I HATE phones. I really dislike making phone calls. But it's possible to make them, when it's important enough. And your T does want to hear from you.
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Daeva Poohbah Member Since Oct 2013 Location: Underworld Posts: 1,343 11 590 hugs given	Dec 02, 2013 at 12:19 PM #16 Call him!
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Anonymous100114 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 02, 2013 at 12:33 PM #17 Can you text him instead? He suggested that you talk today so yeah I agree make contact with him today
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neutrino Poohbah Member Since Aug 2013 Location: The North. Posts: 1,105 11 13 hugs given	Dec 02, 2013 at 01:20 PM #20 Ok. That's a good idea. I'll write it down and then I'll call him after my exam tomorrow or something. Or at least I'll try. I'm just afraid I'll be bothering him or that I'll call when he in fact doesn't want me to. Wish I didn't care that much.
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