[Amandasmom]

I have transference feelings about my T. Not romantic or erotic. Just always thinking about her. Feel like she has the perfect life - married, kids, she was just honored at her kids school. Want to know everything about her but she doesn't disclose much and I'm too nervous to ask her.

Yes, I google her and found her Facebook page but she has strict settings on Facebook. However, there's a lot of personal stuff on her and her family on google.

I brought up transference feelings to her but she just listened and didn't say much. Our approach is CBT.

I like my T and don't want to leave.

How do I work this through myself? Any suggestions? Thanks for your help!

[archipelago]

Transference is part of a therapeutic relationship as far as I'm concerned, but I do psychoanalysis, where it is a central issue and dealt with regularly as part of the process. I have read elsewhere that CBT doesn't really "allow" for this type of working through, which really surprises me since it just seems strange to me that there would be no room to talk about the relationship itself, when that is the primary healing factor, not the approach at all. But since I don't really get how CBT is conducted, I can't really offer anything up. I know how to work through transference though, but I did it with my analyst, who specializes in a relational approach.

[jacq10]

(((((((Amandasmom))))))))))

I could have written your post exactly. So much of what you said resonates with me.

A couple of weeks ago I emailed my T saying that I was feeling like I was missing her, but that I realized it was likely just my transference talking. She told me not to worry about it, and actually congratulated me for having a "normal, healthy relationship!" She told me that it's normal for me to be feeling this way given that I had never really had this relationship with my parents.

In a way it wasn't helpful in that I still had/have these feelings for T.. but it did make me feel slightly less worried about them.

Maybe try bringing it up again with your T? If she doesn't give you what you're looking for, try asking her more direct questions.

Not sure if that helps or not...

Hugs,
Jacq

[Karrebear]

I miss my therapist so super bad! I think about her all the time. I want to tell her everything. I emailed her a couple weeks ago about something I never was able to discuss because it was difficult but actually felt bad because I feel she deserves to know everything...I want her to know everything.

I think the only way for you to work through this is to talk with her about it..

[Aloneandafraid]

Hi Amandasmom. I too could have written this word for word! Jacq10 you are so amazingly brave to have told your T about your feelings. Your posts seem to resonate with me every time you write! It is good to know I am not alone in feeling this agony! It is so hard as it feels wrong somehow and I don't know how to begin telling her. I am sure it is a maternal thing with me which kind of makes it even more shameful (for me). I am so grateful for this forum. It is good for us to be able to share & support each other and basically know we are not so alone. xx

[Amandasmom]

Originally Posted by archipelago

Transference is part of a therapeutic relationship as far as I'm concerned, but I do psychoanalysis, where it is a central issue and dealt with regularly as part of the process. I have read elsewhere that CBT doesn't really "allow" for this type of working through, which really surprises me since it just seems strange to me that there would be no room to talk about the relationship itself, when that is the primary healing factor, not the approach at all. But since I don't really get how CBT is conducted, I can't really offer anything up. I know how to work through transference though, but I did it with my analyst, who specializes in a relational approach.

My T is off for 4 weeks for the Christmas break. I was thinking maybe to see another T during this time to help me with these feelings. What kind of T approach do I look for that is relational approach? Is that DBT? Thanks!

[archipelago]

Seeing another therapist might really help you. A great idea to at least give a try. Good thinking.

I do psychoanalysis. Relational is a new approach that throws out a lot of what the old fashioned psychodynamic people think and do in favor of focusing on the relationship itself, which research has shown has a larger effect than any technique does by at least twice over. It is based on the idea that humans primarily want "relatedness" in a variety of forms and so it is very much about the interpersonal workings between patient and analyst as they develop and change. We talk about issues of course so don't always talk about the relationship, but it is still "monitored" all the time. Perhaps if you can't find someone relational or psychodynamic, just someone who does the humanistic approach of person centered therapy might be helpful. Some who is technique and skills focused I don't think will be helpful, just a guess though.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by archipelago

Seeing another therapist might really help you. A great idea to at least give a try. Good thinking.

I do psychoanalysis. Relational is a new approach that throws out a lot of what the old fashioned psychodynamic people think and do in favor of focusing on the relationship itself, which research has shown has a larger effect than any technique does by at least twice over. It is based on the idea that humans primarily want "relatedness" in a variety of forms and so it is very much about the interpersonal workings between patient and analyst as they develop and change. We talk about issues of course so don't always talk about the relationship, but it is still "monitored" all the time. Perhaps if you can't find someone relational or psychodynamic, just someone who does the humanistic approach of person centered therapy might be helpful. Some who is technique and skills focused I don't think will be helpful, just a guess though.

I'm in this therapy too. I didn't know about it before hand. I think the word "psychoanalysis" scares people but oh how I wish they could understand how helpful the modern relational model is.

[Amandasmom]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

I'm in this therapy too. I didn't know about it before hand. I think the word "psychoanalysis" scares people but oh how I wish they could understand how helpful the modern relational model is.

I went n my insurance chants website. Don't see any specialty listed as psychoanalysis. Is this what the speciality is called? Are you in the UK and maybe the US doesn't have this? Thanks!

[Bill3]

Is that DBT?

No, I do not think that DBT is what you are looking for. DBT is a modification of CBT that was initially designed for suicidal people then expanded into extensive use for people with borderline personality disorder and more recently has been applied to a widening range of other specific behavioral problems. Of course, the therapeutic relationship is central to all forms of therapy. However, to my knowledge the therapeutic relationship in DBT is not carefully examined in the way that you may be seeking, nor is that relationship considered to be the primary means by which healing occurs.

[Asiablue]

I think this is a stage that just works itself out, i don't know that there's anything you can physically do to stop it. Some things that help tho is to take away any shame you feel about thinking about your T all the time, it's natural and very common for clients to almost obsess over their therapist, ie constant wonderings and thoughts. It is just a stage and it will lessen with time. Your thoughts are your own and you're not harming anyone by thinking about her all the time are you? Allowing them just to "be" might take away the anxiety.
Also it might help to see this stuff as a message. What are these feelings about? Why is she so special to you? What does she represent to you or who does she remind you of or does she provide something for you that you're missing out on now or in the past?

Generally CBT therapists don't deal in transferences, that's probably why she never discussed it more with you. CBT is more a skill-based therapy and tackles the here and now but if you're looking for more depth therapy where you're examining your past and how it affects you now then another type of therapy would be better.

[Amandasmom]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I think this is a stage that just works itself out, i don't know that there's anything you can physically do to stop it. Some things that help tho is to take away any shame you feel about thinking about your T all the time, it's natural and very common for clients to almost obsess over their therapist, ie constant wonderings and thoughts. It is just a stage and it will lessen with time. Your thoughts are your own and you're not harming anyone by thinking about her all the time are you? Allowing them just to "be" might take away the anxiety.
Also it might help to see this stuff as a message. What are these feelings about? Why is she so special to you? What does she represent to you or who does she remind you of or does she provide something for you that you're missing out on now or in the past?

Generally CBT therapists don't deal in transferences, that's probably why she never discussed it more with you. CBT is more a skill-based therapy and tackles the here and now but if you're looking for more depth therapy where you're examining your past and how it affects you now then another type of therapy would be better.

Hi Asia, what type of therapy other than CBT do I need? Thanks!

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Amandasmom

I have transference feelings about my T. Not romantic or erotic. Just always thinking about her. Feel like she has the perfect life - married, kids, she was just honored at her kids school. Want to know everything about her but she doesn't disclose much and I'm too nervous to ask her.

Yes, I google her and found her Facebook page but she has strict settings on Facebook. However, there's a lot of personal stuff on her and her family on google.

I brought up transference feelings to her but she just listened and didn't say much. Our approach is CBT.

I like my T and don't want to leave.

How do I work this through myself? Any suggestions? Thanks for your help!

Do your thoughts about your T bother you? I only ask becuase if you bring it up it's helpful know what you'd like to come of the conversation. You can pose it as something you need her help with. That you've been thinking a lot about her outside of session and was hoping she could help you work through it. Then she can go from there.

[archipelago]

Well, psychodynamic therapies deal with transference all the time. In most it is a central way of working through issues. It doesn't have to be psychoanalysis, which is more technically meeting in very frequently with a different kind of process and goal. But psychodynamic therapy is a commonly used approach. there are a variety of other approaches, like humanistic person-centered which focuses on you and not necessarily the relationship. But it is a really basic approach that in a way everyone uses to some extent.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Amandasmom

Hi Asia, what type of therapy other than CBT do I need? Thanks!

It depends on what you want to work on, but psychodynamic is supposed to be in-depth but there's lots of different kinds and a good therapist regardless of their type of therapy can be great.