Couch 67 - Keep calm, carry on, and have a cup of tea.

I am dressed for church and I have also texted my book club friend and told her to badger me about getting my butt to book club tonight.. Baby steps.

Morning Couch. Trying to get up the nerve to talk to my DH about my father and abandonment stuff. My t says I should bring him with me into our session tomorrow to explain what's going on. Just don't now if I can do that again. Figuring I can try my best to try and talk to him about it first and if he just doesn't seem to understand/get it, then I'll bring him in. My t has an open book policy once we step into his office together. Whatever my DH asks, my t has the right to answer if it will help my therapy. I can't ask him to not answer certain things nor hold back on specific things either. Not that I can think of anything I wouldn't my DH to hear, but you just never know. Please don't get me wrong, my DH is very supportive of my recovery and me in general, but I'm still not as open as I should be about many things. Just not to the point that I can be yet. He understands that, gets frustrated by it at times too, but will do what it takes to help get me healthy too.

My issue with bringing him into my t session is that it feels as if he's violating my personal space. That's my safe space to talk about whatever I need to and know that it's between the two of us. Even if I talk about ideations (that t knows I won't act on because of my kids) it's between us. What if that gets brought up? I know my ED is one of secrecy, but still. I really don't need anything more for my DH to worry about with me. Does that make sense? The last time he came into a session was last Februrary to tell him about my ED. Now that was a necessary and scary session. Wasn't a surprise to him, but the amount of information my t shared, was. That's what concerns me this time. Now I know that an ED vs. abandonment issues are very different, but it still makes me nervous what he'll say.

I wish there was an easy answer to this. My DH certainly deserves a wife that can just talk to him about anything- just wish that was me. My t can explain everything so much easier than I can. But do I want that? I trust him completely and he's on my side that my father is toxic for me. My DH sees it as a necessary relationship to keep having. And all of this is having an effect on my ED.

Sorry to have rambled once again.

Sounds like a nice day Healed.

photostake, that sucks! I'm sorry but I would be totally uncomfortable with that policy. My H has come to session with me once, and I gave my T a release to talk to the MC that my H and I see, BUT when I discussed with T my limits on what I was comfortable with H knowing at this stage of my process, T was very respectful of that. No way would I take H in there if I thought nothing I said to T would be off limits.

Photostotake....thats a big decision... It seems to me that if you have the slightest doubt that you should wait... Maybe you could discuss with T how to explain it and maybe work on upping your feelings of empowerment and boundaries...

Maybe I'm reading more into this than you have said but it seems your H believe things more if it comes from your T? and the boundaries thing I mentioned because its YOUR relationship with YOUR father....why does your H get to decide that?

Hope you can decide what you are comfortable with and not what others think you should do.

My allergies are bad and I hve a headache so I apologize if the way I said that sounded harsh... It wasnt meant to be that way

Thanks MKAC, I think so too. He did say once, that sometimes he might just 'forget' some things. That he can't possibly remember every little thing said in every session. But how in the heck am I supposed to know what he'll 'forget'?

Plus, ever since that one time my DH came into session with us, he's been asking when he gets to come back in for another update. He just doesn't get it. Yes I have some issues of secrecy that I need to be brought out in the open, but my therapy space is all mine. Not his. My t agrees with this, except where my mental/physical health is concerned. And this stuff with my father is one of them. I panic every time the the phone rings thinking it's going to be him. It's also starting to trigger my ED too.

Thanks Ready. It's not that I think my DH will believe it coming more from my t, it's just that I think my t can explain the abandonment issues better than I can. Like t says, unless you've lived through it, you just don't get it. That's what I have a hard time explaining to him and where t comes into the picture. I'm just concerned that my DH will start asking other questions while he has the opportunity too.

Debating bringing him in for the last part of the session. Less time for that to happen. I can talk to t for 20 minutes on my own, work out my questions/anxieties about the situation, and then bring in my DH for the last 25 minutes.

I'm still hoping to get up the nerve to talk to him on my own tonight. I don't want to blindside him in the morning by asking him join us last minute. Kind of happened with my ED that way. If I don't bring him in tomorrow, I don't go back to t until the 18th, which would be our next chance. More time for my father to call and no plan will be in place for when that happens.

No worries- I didn't take it that way at all. Hope you feel better.

morning people

Good Morning Granite.

Granite... did you have fun yesterday?

I actually did have a good time .I just wish I could stay having a good time . it all just goes away. but its whatever .I swear at this point I am so use to being down .I think it is just who I am .trying not to be here much because I am being such a downer it don't help anyone

Granite...I don't think the couch is only for when we are "up"....you should be able to seek support here when you are feeling down....

so was it the crafts that you were doing that made it a good time, or the people you were around?

I think it was both .I made these beautiful post cards to mail to this mail art group I belong to .and a lot of the girls I was with are friends of mine. In fact they all came here to my town to scrapbook because I always travel to ware they live and scrapbook. there were about 13 people .I thought it was very sweet of all of them . It made me feel good

Photo-I read your post and my antennas went up. I personally would not agree to that "Open book policy" your T has. I understand it's all the name of helping you, but if it in any way shape or form jeopardizes the safety you feel in the therapy room at that moment then I can see how it's a really tough decision to make. I understated the feeling of wanting to keep that space as your own. I always tell my T that I will never refer anyone I know to her, because she's mine. ( LOL) but, maybe because you are so uneasy about it, you always can just wait and explore it with T further and just limit the amount of info you give H at the moment? My T would tell me to say Something like This:

H, I want to tell you that We have been exploring some issues in therapy surrounding my past and some feelings of abandonment that I have concerning my father. I'm don't fully understand them yet but we are working on them and when I have a better understanding of it I will talk to you more, but in the meantime I just ask for your support in my decisions on how to handle my father at the moment"

Anyway.. I hope you get resolve soon and figure it out. I'm here for you. It's very hard.

Granite... I'm so happy for you that you have your own peeps... I'm glad you felt their friendship and kindness... but I totally get how hard it is to hold onto those good feelings...
what do you have planned for today?

Granite, so glad you had fun. Please know that I care about you and I don't mind having you here in whichever state of mind your in.

Hey Jersey Did you look outside?

eta: Its snowing!

Yup. And now suddenly I want a Wawa French Vanilla Cappuccino
and pretzels bites from the pretzel factory!

I was writing to more couchies then my post disappeared.

Ready: I get what you described yesterday about want to keep driving. I always tell my T I wanna escape. She just asks "Where to?" And then we move on to something else.

MKAC- Tooth pain sucks a million times over! Ugh. Hope you feel better

Healed: Hope getting out helps you. So sorry you are struggling so bad.

CC: Are you going to try to get out today? Stay safe.

Thanks Jersey. You can only imagine how hard this policy was bringing my DH in to explain what my ED was. My health was deteriorating, so we both agreed it was necessary. It also took me weeks to agree to it though.

I like your idea of what to say to my DH. Might be a good place to start. If he still doesn't get it, then I may still bring him in tomorrow. I'm truly having problems with what to do if my father contacts me and I need my DH to be the go between so this conversation needs to happen soon. Panic attacks just aren't worth this. A possible relapse isn't either and that's where it feels like I'm heading.

As much as I don't want my DH in my therapy room, I need to take care of this soon. By talking to my t first, and then bringing in my DH for the last half, I think it'll be okay. I trust my t to be on my side through this. He wants what is best for me and has said so many times.

Thanks again Jersey.

Hi couch!

I am at K's now. Been here an hour and 45 minutes and I am already bored.

Granite, I am glad you enjoyed yourself yesterday and had fun.

Photo, I would not feel comfortable if my T told me anything anyone I brought into session could ask anything they wanted and have it answered. It would make me hold back things scared that she might share them. I would refuse to bring anyone into session with me.

Well, I need to go start cooking K's lunch. Be back after I feed her. Kind if annoying having to feed her a snack or meal every hour, but it's what I was told to do so she is never hungry.

Hello, everyone. How are you all doing?

Hi neutrino I am doing really good today thanks, how about you?

i am so so pleased with myself today. i have always loved reading books, but for the last 18 months i havent really read anything at all. It's been a big hole in my life, because it was always such a big part of me. My depression was so bad that i just could not focus.

Well, today i have managed to read about 4 chapters of a book that i have tried (and failed) many times to read over the last 18 months.

It feels great to be reading again