Have you ever yelled at T?

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever yelled at their T, and if so, what was the outcome? I'm kind of stuck in therapy at the moment, and while there is a lot happening per say, I'm finding it difficult (if not impossible) to truly let him know just how furious I am at him (still ) . I can't ignore the feelings because they are taking over everything! I mean, i have so much **** going on in my life right now but i couldn't even say anything about any of it. I was just so angry it was like a wall came up and I was hiding behind it with my arms crossed /: So we spent the session with me doing a breathing/grounding/visualization thing where I imagined confronting him. I couldn't even do the empty chair thing!

T says he can handle my feelings and that I am not responsible for his feelings. I don't know though, I just couldn't get it out. I fear if I truly let him know how I feel, I would yell at him. I would tell him I'm sick of this ****. That I wanted him to care, and he even said that he did, but I don't believe it anymore.

He told me that people have screamed and yelled at him before (I didn't tell him about my fear of losing it either) and that while its not the most comfortable place to be in, he knows its important. I don't know. He said a lot more but basically, has anyone yelled and screamed at their T? Was it helpful in the end or did it hurt? Did it hurt your T? Did your T get angry back or even just internally so that it changed things? Did the relationship end?

I have yelled at (in a sense - I don't think I raised my voice) and become extremely angry at the therapist and told her.
It helped me.
I don't think it hurt the therapist, but I can't say I would care if it did. I really don't think therapists care.
She became more cautious which is what I wanted.
No.

I did some serious yelling at Madame T. She says it helped.

Gosh, well, I'm not going to enjoy showing off my flaws here, but... yelling isn't the worst thing in the world and I hope it will help, so, I'll tell you:

Last week I had a mini-crisis. I felt my therapist wasn't treating me appropriately, it had been an ongoing concern that suddenly triggered an outburst.

We do therapy online, so I was writing to her and I began "yelling" things like:

You are lacking in professionalism
What you said is bull s*it
You need to step it up
How dare you say X to me

I went on like that for quite a while maybe an hour. Honestly... I am not positive I would have said such things or so much if we were face to face: I find that communicating via the internet (no facial expressions shared, no vocal cues, no body language) makes it too easy to express negative sentiments, because it's maybe a bit dehumanizing. No excuses though, I am not proud of what I said to her at all, and I sincerely apologized for it afterward.

She said, after a long while she was tired of the accusatory statements and that's how we ended that (double) session.

She worked it out with me afterward, in our next (extra) session. She told me she was strong enough to take it, that she had learned something from my anger, she had better heard what I needed, and she offered me the tools I'd been wanting. She even eventually apologized for not recognizing my need sooner.

It was an extremely difficult couple days. I felt horrendous about how that session went and feared she'd terminate me, or cut contact way down.

However, my fears were not realized, she was reassuring and it has made our subsequent therapy a little better I think.

Therapists are indeed trained to work with and manage powerful emotions. I hope you will trust yours to say and express whatever you need to. I certainly didn't mean to insult mine or 'hollar' at her the way I did, but in retrospect, even though I wish I had not- it helped really demonstrate to me her commitment and helped me begin to work on a difficult issue.

I have never raised my voice, as I'm kind of worried someone from outside might come running in.

I can remember one time where I came close. I was livid about something he said. I never look at him and I was looking at my feet. I looked up at him, square in the eye, growled at him what I thought about what he said.



Then I quickly snapped my eyes back to the floor.

He's very zen and rarely reacts, but I saw his eyes get fearful for a second. But he regained himself I guess.

I have never yelled at a T but when I was inpatient I did yell at one of the RNs telling her she was a bad nurse and she never assessed patients properly because she always sat at the desk reading the newspaper. She took me into a private room and shut the door and I continued to criticize her. I though I would likely end up in solitary for 24 hours like I had seen happen to some patients but honestly I didn't say anything to her that I didn't believe to be 100% true.

I yelled once at my T and threw her appointment book on the floor, she told me she wasn't going to be disrespected, and explained to me I was displacing, then I yelled that I knew that, and she told me that I needed to go outside and scream and come back, so I went outside and I screamed, then i screamed profanities and I came back in and we talked it out.

I've yelled at my therapist. I've cursed my therapist. I've stormed out on my therapist. I told her once she was not able to help me. She took it like a champ. That was all in the beginning of my therapy with her. We always worked out. However, There was one time I made a really mean comment to her which I don't want to repeat here. That comment nearly brought her to tears and she almost referred me out. But we worked that out to. Nearly 4 years and still going strong.

Can't say, I recall yelling, at my T. If, I did, it could have been in childhood, probably not to 'yell at'?
I don't usually, yell at others, anyways.

Hope you are able, to find the words, to express your seeming angst. Therapy, can be frustrating.

If your T, is saying, they can handle it, does it mean, they just want you to let it out of your system? Or would yelling at them, cross boundaries?

If asking you, to just do it, perhaps from there, you can move forward, in the therapeutic process? Not sure...

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Oh yes definitely. Just the other day t and i yelled at each other and she ended up hanging up on me cuz she was so mad, i would have hung up on her in a second anyway. We were just having a huge shouting match and angry at each other. Its ok though- the next day we Talked and all was fine, we talked about it awhile and settled things. Its something that happens once in a while and it works for us, because we both have some really strong feelings about certain things. And on a couple of things we are both very convinced the other one is wrong, LOL!
T is the only one safe enough in my life to be able to do this with.

I've kicked the door of Main T about 18 yrs ago ….a really hard kick that brought everyone out of their offices. yikes. I'm better now.

Eh. I've expressed anger in my notebook towards one of them. I got very stern with my old T. I told her that I needed help and she wasn't giving it to me. It wasn't at a raised volume or even mean. It was just said with a lot of flame behind it.

I've never yelled at my therapist, though I've certainly wanted to sometimes. I'm too scared of confrontation and conflicts to do so. Instead I turn everything inwards, just like I've done my whole life. Sometimes, when at home, I talk to myself out loud and sort of pretend that I'm talking to my therapist just to get some of the frustration out. Then I tell "him" exactly what I think. (I hope I don't sound too crazy.)

No way, that's taking it too far. There are better ways to communicate (be it anger, frustration, hurt or whatnot) than yelling. No one likes being yelled at. Imagine being at the receiving end of such a barrage of unleashed fury. How would it feel? Ts are still human beings after all.

I won't yell and I'd appreciate not being yelled at either. That is, after all, a sign of mutual respect. At least in my book.

My t is the only person who i can yell at, and that i can handle it when she yells at me. We have talked about it-- and at least this is true in our case, that two people have to feel very safe with each other and be very close in ordr to feel safe enough to let their true feelings out and feel safe enough to argue, fight, and let each other be that vulnerable with their true feelings. I dont allow my amger to show at all with anyone else. Even with old t, it used to terrify if there was even a hint that she might be displeased with me-- i didnt feel safe with her. But wih this t, i know that if she is angry, she will get over it; that she still loves me, shes just not happy with something i am sayng or doing at that moment. Its quite u ique and really different, this being comfortable with this anger thing.

I never did. I always worried if I did I'd get kicked out.

I'm not a "yeller". When I'm truly angry my speech comes out absolutely emotionless (robot-like I've been told) same volume as normal.
I had my share of arguments/disagreements with my T- I think it's normal as in every RS. I can well imagine some clients do yell (Ts yelling back- I think it's less appropriate, but as I can see from this thread could happen and not be harmful).

All and all if that's stg you think would help you and your T says it's fine with him, go for it.

Well I didn't bring up the idea of yelling or screaming - T did. He just said its happened before, not that I should do it or something. I won't do it. I can't because I just can't. It seems that my T believes I am holding back my feelings and that it isn't doing me any favors. I'm pretty sure my anger isn't all about T but a lot more related to transference....it is very strong that it is painful at times. Talking about it disconnected from the feeling is very weird and almost dissatisfying. I'm just trying to get over it and I told my T I just want to let it go already, but he told me if I let it go it might be like letting myself go.

Yep. I told my T to get her s*** together. Lol. And then I couldn't continue yelling so I laughed. She was just in awe because I've never raised my voice.

We both thought it was more funny than actually frustration or anger.

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I'm not a yeller, but I do know how to become quite firm and adamant in my speech so that my message gets across quite clearly (a teacher gift).

I have yelled at him a couple of times. Once when he kept telling me he was sorry about something that happened to me. I asked him to stop and he asked why, and I didn't have an answer. So, he said it again and kept talking about it and I shouted -- NO, STOP. He asked me why again.

The other time was when I was trying to discuss my feelings FOR him WITH him. He kept misunderstanding me and distorting what I was saying, over and over. I yelled, "NO, that's NOT what I'm saying," and started sobbing. He had seemed cold and distant up to that point, but then turned really gentle and asked me to please, try again to explain.

I would be very nervous to because (at least at the last place I was at) when I yelled at my dad at a Family Therapy session the people there got over-concerned and actually called the police (which I thought was an extreme over-reaction on their part).

I've yelled at my T a lot!! I'm actually constantly yelling at T. Sometimes I'm not even aware of it. You're not responsible for your T feelings,even though I wouldn't say attack your T.

Sometimes I yell at my T and later feel bad and apologize. My anger is a big deal for me and I'm working on it,at least I'm attempting to.

T has also yelled at me,I've asked her straight up "Why are you yelling?" and said "Don't you dare yell at me!!" while yelling myself.

We have worked through our differences and I'm still with her,so something is working for us!!

My T doesn't encourage me to yell at her,but I think if your T is telling you to,maybe you should just get it out,talk about it and move along in T

Good Luck either way

I don't feel bad or guilty when I get angry at the therapist. It does not matter to them. They don't take it personally, in my experience, even though often it is.

I have never raised my voice to him but I have told him to go f himself during a fight where I was getting nowhere and had to repeat myself and he clearly was at fault. He didn't react to the remark but it did make and impression because he backed down and started listening more closely and got it shortly after. I don't feel hesitant if I get angry with him. I know that he can tolerate it and it gets worked through so can be productive. He did have a patient that used to yell at him so much that he had to sound proof his office including having double doors. He wrote about it in a case so that is how I know. She actually got so much better under his care that it is a moving case. I don't know that I would have put up with all of that very well. There are limits to what people should have to put up with.