[Daeva]

So next session I have tons to talk to my t about. My Issues with this robin situation, my flashbacks of my CSA and my CSA. The nickname issue and now this dream that happened.

Background info: My Mom (Physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to me) use to work at an after-school program. She use to fawn over her kids, they were her world, she'd come home bragging about them, then slam me into walls, etc. Well when I was six my mom bought me this beautiful and expensive baby doll, it wasn't ceramic or plastic, but it was life like and I can remember to this day what it was wearing. I was obsessed with it for the next year it went everywhere's with me, and I took very good care of it. It was clean as can be. My Mom knew how much I loved that doll and one day for no reason (I had done no wrong so it wasn't punishment) she came upstairs yanked the doll out of my hands and said she was giving it to the children at her program. I begged her to take my other toys. I told her she could have all of them but my doll. She didn't go for it. I never saw Annalise again. I cried forever.

So I had this dream, it started off with that memory, so there I am crying cause mommy took my favorite toy away for no reason. And she forces me to go to school the next day where we have this guest speaker (The guest speaker was my T), I sat in the first column third seat down and I knew all the answers to her questions. She had us pair off into groups but no one wanted to be my partner cause I use to be a bully, and so the guest speaker/my T partnered with me and we talked and talked, and she was so nice to me and funny, and she complimented me on my intelligence and when she was leaving, I walked her to the front doors of the school and she crouched down and opened her bag. She told me i was a special little girl and gave me my doll back.

I woke up and cried. I had been reading up on self-parenting alot. And my mind kind of put this scenario in my mind together: So I'm reading about self-parenting, which is treating your inner child like you would your kid, treating them to toys etc. Well I see my T as a maternal figure at times, and maybe my mind is telling me that I need to go get myself a baby doll. So I did.

[Asiablue]

awwwwww I'm so glad you did that for yourself. That was really cruel and uncalled for, what your mom did. Even if you had been "bad", to take away a precious loved doll is horrible.

[Daeva]

Thanks <3 I even carried it around college, and I didn't give a fuc! I named her Hayden Lily.

[Asiablue]

Zero fuqs were given today!

[granite1]

i think that was a great thing to do.

[Daeva]

Thanks