[Bentay]

I've been searching but I haven't found much on the end of therapy (perhaps I haven't been looking in the right place). I would really appreciate people sharing their experiences.

I've been in therapy (CBT) for two years and this will be ending in two weeks I cannot begin to explain how sad i am about this as I don't know how I will cope with this loss - the thought of not seeing my T ever again is unbearable - is this normal and will I ever get over this ? I hate feeling SO desperate about the ending :'(

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Bentay

I've been searching but I haven't found much on the end of therapy (perhaps I haven't been looking in the right place). I would really appreciate people sharing their experiences.

I've been in therapy (CBT) for two years and this will be ending in two weeks I cannot begin to explain how sad i am about this as I don't know how I will cope with this loss - the thought of not seeing my T ever again is unbearable - is this normal and will I ever get over this ? I hate feeling SO desperate about the ending :'(

It will feel terrible. Give yourself time to ride out the emotions. You will get through it but it will feel like the world is ending.

Is the ending your choice?

From experience, make sure you say everything you want to say before you finish. Don't carry anything forward with you that you wanted to say. Say the difficult things and get them out before you're done.

Lots of love and hugs. It is a difficult road.

[Mactastic]

I'm only 4 months into my therapy and I'm freaking out about my own termination. I have no advice, but you have my sympathies.

[Shiny Things]

Bentay, I hear you! It's happening to me and it feels like a break-up, because it is.

[Bentay]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

It will feel terrible. Give yourself time to ride out the emotions. You will get through it but it will feel like the world is ending.

Is the ending your choice?

From experience, make sure you say everything you want to say before you finish. Don't carry anything forward with you that you wanted to say. Say the difficult things and get them out before you're done.

Lots of love and hugs. It is a difficult road.

Thank you for the advice. The ending is not my choice as I still feel some issues need to be addressed, but I don't want to say & I'm hoping my T will realise this himself

[Bentay]

Originally Posted by Shiny Things

Bentay, I hear you! It's happening to me and it feels like a break-up, because it is.

It's awful, but at least I'm not alone. Big hug

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Bentay

Thank you for the advice. The ending is not my choice as I still feel some issues need to be addressed, but I don't want to say & I'm hoping my T will realise this himself

Oh dear, please tell your T how you feel. They can know a lot but sometimes they miss things too. Your T might not even know!

[JayneJohnson49]

This happened to me in July and yes, the grief was real and sucked for a couple of months. The first week after termination I kept thinking I needed to get ahold of T's notes so I could prove that when she told me I was kind, funny and genuine that it was a lie. I thought if I did that then the hurt would cease because I could prove the care she provided wasn't valid, wasn't real. Thankfully after a week that irrational thinking ran its course. I knew it was triggered by ending because not once in the 10 - 12 therapy months did I consider she even kept therapy notes! I also had a difficult time when the last insurance EOB came through (mine run about 90 days behind!) as that was a reminder that we were truly done, it wasn't a vacation, or sick leave or anything else. I really would never see her again.

I cried the entire last session. I thought I'd be embarrassed but I wasn't. I had two wrap-up sessions and used the list in the next post as a topic guide. I spent time before each session working on my thoughts to each one, that really helped clarify what I wanted to say. Someone on here recommended in the closure session saying everything you want to say, don't hold back, and I must reiterate that was incredible advice. I have zero regrets over how we ended, no wishing I said something else or asked T a certain question. For me, most important was using the closure sessions as learning what a healthy good-bye can be like and even though the grief was still very much there I could be happy for having met and worked with her too. The feelings didn't have to be one or the other. I'm not very eloquent and in that session made a joke how she'd never know how I felt because I couldn't get the words out and T replied that my tears gave her a pretty good idea what was going on for me. Of everything she said I don't know why that stuck with me but it did. All in all it was a bittersweet time.

If you want to do further internet searches try using "therapy termination phase" as your search words. I found quite a few sites, the one below is a therapist blog where she gives a nice recap to a Q&A on why a closure session is important to both T & client:

Other Side of the Couch: The Fifty Minute Hour and Closure

[JayneJohnson49]

Therapy termination steps

1. Review what you've learned about yourself

2. Discuss which goals (if any) you weren't able to accomplish in therapy, and what to do about them

3. Develop your "aftercare" plan: everything you'll be doing post-therapy

4. Reminisce about the therapeutic relationship - when you felt cared for, when she made you mad, when you shared meaningful moments, etc.

5. Discuss and grieve the end of the therapeutic relationship

6. Talk about the other feelings or memories this ending brings up

[RTerroni]

I can remember that at this time last year I found out that I would be ending with my Therapist after 4 years, so I told her about it and we where able to have a fairly decent final session that put a wrap up on the 4 years of Therapy.

[purple orchid]

Dear Bentay,
I can really relate to how you are feeling.
I was in CBT for a couple of years and it really help me overcome some big issues after I felt better we stopped sessions. But after about 6 months I missed my T so much I decided to go back and work on another topic.
I've been going for a year now and have not made much progress, sometimes I wonder if I'm going to therapy to sort out my issue or just to be with my T, I feel like they are my friend and I can talk to them about anything. I don't have anyone else like that in my life.
However, it really helps me to vent my feelings on here and get advice.
I know I need to bring this all up with my T but I know it will mean the end....

[Bentay]

Originally Posted by JayneJohnson49

This happened to me in July and yes, the grief was real and sucked for a couple of months. The first week after termination I kept thinking I needed to get ahold of T's notes so I could prove that when she told me I was kind, funny and genuine that it was a lie. I thought if I did that then the hurt would cease because I could prove the care she provided wasn't valid, wasn't real. Thankfully after a week that irrational thinking ran its course. I knew it was triggered by ending because not once in the 10 - 12 therapy months did I consider she even kept therapy notes! I also had a difficult time when the last insurance EOB came through (mine run about 90 days behind!) as that was a reminder that we were truly done, it wasn't a vacation, or sick leave or anything else. I really would never see her again.

I cried the entire last session. I thought I'd be embarrassed but I wasn't. I had two wrap-up sessions and used the list in the next post as a topic guide. I spent time before each session working on my thoughts to each one, that really helped clarify what I wanted to say. Someone on here recommended in the closure session saying everything you want to say, don't hold back, and I must reiterate that was incredible advice. I have zero regrets over how we ended, no wishing I said something else or asked T a certain question. For me, most important was using the closure sessions as learning what a healthy good-bye can be like and even though the grief was still very much there I could be happy for having met and worked with her too. The feelings didn't have to be one or the other. I'm not very eloquent and in that session made a joke how she'd never know how I felt because I couldn't get the words out and T replied that my tears gave her a pretty good idea what was going on for me. Of everything she said I don't know why that stuck with me but it did. All in all it was a bittersweet time.

If you want to do further internet searches try using "therapy termination phase" as your search words. I found quite a few sites, the one below is a therapist blog where she gives a nice recap to a Q&A on why a closure session is important to both T & client:

Other Side of the Couch: The Fifty Minute Hour and Closure

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you taking the time to offer such great and practical advice. Although this is such a sad time it made me feel not so alone and at sea as i will be able to prepare for the ending rather then just letting it happen. Thank you.

Big hug

[rainbow8]

I understand what you're going through too. I've gone through terminations with 4 Ts and it's hard! Most of the time I saw another T afterward, and had to discuss my sad feelings with that T until I attached to the new one. That's not a healthy pattern, though.

The best way to terminate therapy is gradually, going from once/week to every other week, to every 3 weeks, and once a month. When I did it that way, it helped ease the ending.

I am going to be going through termination soon, too. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I know I will cry a lot. There is a grieving process just like losing anyone who has been important in your life. I agree that it's important to say and ask all that you need to so you feel closure at the end of therapy.

[purplemystery]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will be experiencing termination in a few months too, and I have already been crying about it for a long time. It's a devastating loss, and like any other, it will take time to grieve. I can't bear the thought of never talking to my T again, never being able to tell her how I feel about her, never being able to tell her the important things going on in my life. The worst part is knowing that someone will be out there in the world that truly cares about me and knows who I am, but I can't even talk to her. It seems so cruel sometimes. But I try to think about how I'm so glad that it happened. I find these song lyrics helpful: "Love, it will not betray you,/dismay, or enslave you;/it will set you free./Be more like the man/you were made to be." Okay, maybe it will dismay you... but I try to tell myself that these strong feelings that I have for my T, or for therapy in general, will give me the emotional energy to push me to a new place and be the person I was meant to be. I'll remember how my T accepted me, and what she would have wanted for me.

[Bentay]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will be experiencing termination in a few months too, and I have already been crying about it for a long time. It's a devastating loss, and like any other, it will take time to grieve. I can't bear the thought of never talking to my T again, never being able to tell her how I feel about her, never being able to tell her the important things going on in my life. The worst part is knowing that someone will be out there in the world that truly cares about me and knows who I am, but I can't even talk to her. It seems so cruel sometimes. But I try to think about how I'm so glad that it happened. I find these song lyrics helpful: "Love, it will not betray you,/dismay, or enslave you;/it will set you free./Be more like the man/you were made to be." Okay, maybe it will dismay you... but I try to tell myself that these strong feelings that I have for my T, or for therapy in general, will give me the emotional energy to push me to a new place and be the person I was meant to be. I'll remember how my T accepted me, and what she would have wanted for me.

I understand the sense of loss you feel, I'm bereft at the thought of never seeing my T again. I really wish you the best and hope we're both able to come to terms with this loss without suffering too much as life is hard enough.

[Bentay]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I understand what you're going through too. I've gone through terminations with 4 Ts and it's hard! Most of the time I saw another T afterward, and had to discuss my sad feelings with that T until I attached to the new one. That's not a healthy pattern, though.

The best way to terminate therapy is gradually, going from once/week to every other week, to every 3 weeks, and once a month. When I did it that way, it helped ease the ending.

I am going to be going through termination soon, too. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I know I will cry a lot. There is a grieving process just like losing anyone who has been important in your life. I agree that it's important to say and ask all that you need to so you feel closure at the end of therapy.

Unfortunately I won't be able to terminate gradually as I only have two sessions left. I too think I will just cry and cry especially after I leave my T's office for the final time (week before Christmas) such awful awful timing although at least I will have PC if things get rough as it's reassuring to know people really do understand.

I can vouch too for the advice above that said "Don't carry anything forward with you that you wanted to say." I did that at first and it ate at me so I had to call my now-ex T and ask for another appointment to say what I hadn't said. Then that turned into yet another appointment because I realized she was right that we really needed to talk about our feelings about terminating. THAT was our last session and it's now been just about 6 weeks ago. The final session where we talked about our feelings re: the end of our therapy relationship was very healing for me and I'm SO glad I decided to ask for it. I got a little teary-eyed especially when I asked the hardest question of all "I'm never going to see you again, am I?" (we had phone sessions for the last year cuz she moved out of state.) Terminating is not easy no matter how you go about it - even when you're the one who brought it up and the T agrees - it's the ending of a very special relationship, so remember to be kind to yourself.