Over the yrs I've been with T. She has never rushed me, never try to force me into a place I'm not ready for. Perhaps some places we never are ready for.
I've been in awe of T's patience, the way she can contain her stuff.
I've often thought at certain times if I were T and I was sitting with someone whose 'not there' yet I'd not be able to just 'be' like she can be.

But, the other day at wk, someone was criticising someone's wk and belittling it and I begun to explain why the person had done what they'd done & why, when it came over me that this person didn't want to see what she was seeing in any other way than the way she was seeing it. So I stopped explaining, sat back and relaxed.
T came into my mind, and the feeling state crated by her ability to know when to explain something & when not too.
This sort of 'healthier' individualisation is something I never learned growing up.
Never able to know whats 'mine' and what's 'anothers' - meaning the wk colleague had her own agenda going on and it wasn't for me solely to show her different. I felt she wasn't going to be able to hear the explanation at that time.
That insight was for me evidence of T being internalised

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Over the yrs I've been with T. She has never rushed me, never try to force me into a place I'm not ready for. Perhaps some places we never are ready for.
I've been in awe of T's patience, the way she can contain her stuff.
I've often thought at certain times if I were T and I was sitting with someone whose 'not there' yet I'd not be able to just 'be' like she can be.

But, the other day at wk, someone was criticising someone's wk and belittling it and I begun to explain why the person had done what they'd done & why, when it came over me that this person didn't want to see what she was seeing in any other way than the way she was seeing it. So I stopped explaining, sat back and relaxed.
T came into my mind, and the feeling state crated by her ability to know when to explain something & when not too.
This sort of 'healthier' individualisation is something I never learned growing up.
Never able to know whats 'mine' and what's 'anothers' - meaning the wk colleague had her own agenda going on and it wasn't for me solely to show her different. I felt she wasn't going to be able to hear the explanation at that time.
That insight was for me evidence of T being internalised

This is great. It makes a world of difference when you can actually see and approach a situation from a more mindful position.
Sometimes when i can get into that space (which isn't often) i just feel really free and happy, i don't take on others' angst, drama, attitude and i don't get over-involved and therefore angry.
I think most of the world haven't been taught this, hence the reason for so many arguments and unhappiness.

That is awesome, _Mouse! I know I sure didn't learn it growing up either and it was one of the biggest lessons I learned in therapy. Especially how to not take on my husband's "stuff" and he has plenty lol. Our marriage has gotten so much better since I stopped taking on his occasional drama. Thanks for sharing that!!

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Over the yrs I've been with T. She has never rushed me, never try to force me into a place I'm not ready for. Perhaps some places we never are ready for.
I've been in awe of T's patience, the way she can contain her stuff.
I've often thought at certain times if I were T and I was sitting with someone whose 'not there' yet I'd not be able to just 'be' like she can be.

But, the other day at wk, someone was criticising someone's wk and belittling it and I begun to explain why the person had done what they'd done & why, when it came over me that this person didn't want to see what she was seeing in any other way than the way she was seeing it. So I stopped explaining, sat back and relaxed.
T came into my mind, and the feeling state crated by her ability to know when to explain something & when not too.
This sort of 'healthier' individualisation is something I never learned growing up.
Never able to know whats 'mine' and what's 'anothers' - meaning the wk colleague had her own agenda going on and it wasn't for me solely to show her different. I felt she wasn't going to be able to hear the explanation at that time.
That insight was for me evidence of T being internalised

Wow!! This had to be a powerful moment for you and thanks so much for sharing it because it's helped me realize somethings as well!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Wow!! This had to be a powerful moment for you and thanks so much for sharing it because it's helped me realize somethings as well!

It seems from your comments that you are just blossoming and taking so much in. I told t that i felt like i was just flailing around for so much of my life, especially in the morning, running late, running on empty, hoping somebody would notice i needed help, like maybe at my early morning t appointments? Thats how you struck me recently, but not so much lately - now youre starting to fill up, with knowledge etc. Like the self-parenting stuff. Its a subtle shift but i think its there. Not that we dont go back and forth.