[rainbow8]

I got started by talking about my mother and how I wasn't there for her when she was sick and dying. I said I wished I had said "I love you" to her then, and I didn't know if I had ever told her those words. She asked if I could visualize saying them, but I couldn't. Then I decided to tell her I wanted to say the words to her, T, and I did. I said I think I told you once before and she said I did. I said I knew she wouldn't say it back, and she said, "But I care about you. You know that, don't you?" I nodded. I told she was like my Mom, and that's why I loved her. I also said it's because she's very special. She said "thank you". I think I looked at her while saying all this, but I wasn't totally "there".

So, no big deal. I asked her about her "what is love anyway?" and she said there are a lot of kinds of love. Somehow she got away from talking about my Mom and asked about my H and our relationship. She says I "push away the good things". I agreed.

This time I didn't feel still in my mind after my session; I felt awful. I pushed away my feelings in the session, just like I push away the good and concentrate on the negative. I tried to have a meaningful conversation with my H when I got home but that didn't work out so well. I asked for a hug, and thanked him for some things he did for me, though.

I can't rely on my T to make me feel good anymore. You're right, granite. Sometimes she may do it, but it's my life, and I have to live in it, without my T.

I will see her twice/month for one hour, starting in January. The termination process is beginning though it's not clear how long it's going to take. I'm very grateful that she's giving me a reduced rate after all, but I'm not sure for how long.

[sweepy62]

I'm happy that you are still in therapy and I know twice a month is not alot , that's how it use to be for me. Wishing you well on your termination process.

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