[Daeva]

So this is when the Client and T resolve to work on issues together. This can happen at many stages, for me i thought it had occured when I first admitted I needed help, and went to see a T, but I realized this last week, that wasn't the case. I first went to see my T to get some support, some caring, someone to listen to me. And for so long I remember going to her, "No one listens to me!" And I no longer say that because she listens to me. It was only after ten months of being with her, transference has already occurred, we have made slight progress that I finally sat down with her and said, "Okay I want to get better. I want to do the work now. I don't want to keep making excuses."

And she smiled at that and was very proud.

So when did you guys have this moment?

[archipelago]

My shrink does relational psychoanalysis so the alliance is really part of forming the relationship.

At first I was more defended in the sense that I was intellectualizing so at a remove from everything even if I talked about it. He is smart but doesn't value intellect as previous shrinks have so at one point he turned to me and said, "you know, we have to have a relationship."

I was shocked into silence because I hadn't thought we didn't before that. But I realized he was trying something and I started becoming more involved in the process in a deeper way. We didn't set goals or anything like that but the relatedness is a goal in this type of approach so it was implicit.

[Daeva]

I never thought of it that way. It's true though the alliance would deepen the relationship, and I guess I'm quite scared of that kind of thing.

I use to intellectualize all the time! my T actually brought it up last session and she was like 'you are so much better now, you don't do it as much'

[Lauliza]

I had a very targeted reason for seeing my psychiatrist and the T he referred me to so for me that alliance was there from the start.

I was resistant but he insisted I see her for DBT. I went because I trusted my pdocs judgement that she could help me more than him. So for me it was never about having someone to listen to me, because that wasn't what I needed. I was ready right away to do the work because I had no choice but to stop harming myself and get better.

[lrt1978]

I first went to therapy because everyone thought that's what I should do and I needed to know if I really did have an eating disorder. I saw my T as the enemy for the first 7 months as I saw her as taking my security blanket away from me. It was Jan 2011 that view changed, I realised she was trying to help me and I saw the relationship as a team, me & T both fighting the eating disorder, I viewed the process as a road trip, we gathered everything we would need and set out on the journey, I had to take lead and my T was there walking alongside me, supporting me, validating my feelings, and guiding me, if I took the wrong turning, my t would help me get back on the right road. She could only take me so far on that road trip but she referred me to another T who could guide and support me through the rest of the road trip.

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[Daeva]

I really liked that analogy! I never thought of it that way, thank you!!

[stopdog]

That sounds horrible. Plus I would leave any therapist who presumed to me proud of me. Totally not their place as far as I am concerned.

[Daeva]

I like it, and I think part of me needs it. Inner Child probably. Hmm. it probably isn't her place but it doesn't bother me as it would you.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That sounds horrible. Plus I would leave any therapist who presumed to me proud of me. Totally not their place as far as I am concerned.

Why would that make you so upset? I think it's very nice that her T said she was proud- it means she thinks Daeva's made accomplished something meaningful. My 48 year old psychiatrist has said I'm doing very well and that he's impressed (I am 43), which is pretty much the same thing. Given that Deava is a young college student and views her T as a mother figure, "proud" seems an appropriate choice of words.

[archipelago]

The alliance/relationship part can come in teeny tiny packets too. Just for me, looking up a new med and getting him to look into it and then agree and prescribe it is something we both work on together.

Or sharing with him the nicknames I posted here just a bit ago, saying that it was the first time I got a little smile all day and he texted back that it made him smile too.

Just the fact that we are on the same page and respect each other and want what is best for each of us in our very different positions and needs is great and makes it work. Even just little things.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by amee200

Why would that make you so upset? I think it's very nice that her T said she was proud- it means she thinks Daeva's made accomplished something meaningful. My 48 year old psychiatrist has said I'm doing very well and that he's impressed (I am 43), which is pretty much the same thing. Given that Deava is a young college student and views her T as a mother figure, "proud" seems an appropriate choice of words.

I am not upset. I am not trying to tell op it is wrong if she likes it. It does sound horrible to me.

[Daeva]

I think what stopdog was trying to say was that for HER it would be horrible.

For me it isn't.

[Lauliza]

I didn't word that well Stopdog, I apologize. I'm just curious why it would be horrible for you.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Daeva

I think what stopdog was trying to say was that for HER it would be horrible.

For me it isn't.

Yes. I did not mean everyone should think it horrible for themselves or that I was criticizing someone who found it non-horrible.