[Mactastic]

I pretty much think of therapy and/or my T constantly. I dream about it, I journal about it, I daydream about it, so on and so forth. It's driving me to feel crazy. I stumbled on this cartoon (below) and saw a reference for "early-stage dependence." Hmmmm, sounds like me. I googled it but didn't find much. Is this a bonafide stage of therapy? Can I reasonably expect these feelings to fade? I'm really thinking of showing this to my T tomorrow, do you think that's weird?

Dependency ? Therapy Tales #354 | Therapy Tales

Edit to add: found this one, too. In some ways it better captures how I feel than the first one....
http://talesoftherapy.wordpress.com/...rapy-tales-77/

[Aloneandafraid]

I can so relate to this! I have been seeing T for around eight months. The feelings have got much more intense in the past couple of months. I think I am going to tell her how I'm feeling as it is taking over and I am a mess. I desperately need to feel a connection with her but the more I try to connect the more boundaries she puts up. Is it weird? I don't know, I just know I am really hurting.

[Leah123]

This is very common. Therapeutic work is deeply compelling, no surprise to me that it overrides our normal daily routines.... hard to match up to the intensity of self-discovery when talking about paying the bills, running errands, working, etc. It does get easier over time as our outside lives become more meaningful/happier too, and the dependency lessens as the healing progresses as long as the relationship is sound. I think it's great to show the cartoon to your therapist.

[Ambra]

The cartoons are lovely! Thanks for that.
I could have written this thread and I'm worried about this too. I tried to convince myself I'm just work to T and must leave her alone but it's a wrong and unhealthy way to become less dependent because it originates from faked, self-built rejection feelings. And it damages a bit my perception of T to think she'd be annoyed should I call her when in need (while maybe she wouldn't, I've never dared so far!).

What we experience seems pretty normal, especially at this stage. I guess we just have to give it some time and they'll fade. It's also important to process them in therapy I think. This is something I definitely want to do at some point.
I think your T will appreciate whatever you feel like bringing in for them to see, so take the cartoons with you if they help!
Good luck

[healingme4me]

I feel that once a thought process of take it or leave it, is achieved, then the 'dependency' factor diminishes.

I go for the extra help in stress reduction, to my life. That's what my neurological illness requires, but if I find myself, financially unable to, or logistically unable, i.e., summertime, do I really pay a sitter, in order to attend a therapy session?, then I take a break.

It's nice to have someone, to bounce things off of, to learn from, and frankly, since I do see a pdoc and receive rx's, then in a way, it's my way, of showing that I am not just showing up for meds. My life, has more than it's everyday amounts of stress, as it is. This year, I am either moving across country or locally, it is nice to have someone to professionally keep me grounded.

[Bentay]

Your not alone in feeling this way and it will get better. There were times when I felt like therapy had consumed my thoughts and my life, it was painful and overwhelming. All I could think of was how my session went that week, how my T reacted, what it meant, did he smile, frown, whatever. But the feelings did fade and although I miss my T terribly (therapy ended a couple of weeks ago) I don't feel consumed and overwhelmed by the thoughts so things will get better

[purplemystery]

I like the cartoons- I've actually seen that site before and find some of them to be really funny. I think it's a good way of bringing it up with your T. Whatever helps you to communicate what you're really feeling. And humor is of course a good way to take the pressure off the emotional intensity of what you will be saying. In fact, if I hadn't already talked about this before with my T, I'd probably steal your idea and show her the cartoons, haha.

I'm feeling the dependency too, you're not alone!

Also, when I told my T about these feelings, she seemed to think it was good that I was feeling this way. That it meant that I was "doing the work" outside of therapy?

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I can so relate to this! I have been seeing T for around eight months. The feelings have got much more intense in the past couple of months. I think I am going to tell her how I'm feeling as it is taking over and I am a mess. I desperately need to feel a connection with her but the more I try to connect the more boundaries she puts up. Is it weird? I don't know, I just know I am really hurting.

In what ways are you trying to connect and what kind of boundaries does she put up?
Only asking because I am in a similar situation but I'm afraid of saying anything for fear of boundaries being put in place. As of right now she has zero boundaries in place and it kind of drives me nuts but at the same time I want them so bad!

I've been seeing my T for the same amount of time... Roughly 9 months. It has only gotten worse for me!

-Hope

[Mactastic]

Hopeful, what do you mean about wanting boundaries from your T? I am also feeling like I want clearer boundaries. I don't know what I am and am not allowed to talk about. Is that what you mean?

[stopdog]

I think one may talk about anything they wish at a therapy appointment.
It is acting that may be hindered. One may not always have access to a therapist whenever they wish, that sort of thing.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

Hopeful, what do you mean about wanting boundaries from your T? I am also feeling like I want clearer boundaries. I don't know what I am and am not allowed to talk about. Is that what you mean?

What is allowed to be talked about is part of what I am talking about. Sometimes I wonder if what I'm saying is making her uncomfortable because of the vibe I am getting. If that's the case i wish she would say so and that I could get help from someone more qualified to handle the specific situation.

But I'm mostly talking about in between session boundaries, as well as some of the things she has put up with in sessions.
She has never once set boundaries. I've pushed her to limits even my family members would say "ok Hope, you need to not call at that time anymore".

They are nonexistent. Maybe cuz she knows when I do something out of line I will beat myself up over it? So she doesn't feel the need to help?
Seems kind of wrong, though.

-Hope

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

In what ways are you trying to connect and what kind of boundaries does she put up?
Only asking because I am in a similar situation but I'm afraid of saying anything for fear of boundaries being put in place. As of right now she has zero boundaries in place and it kind of drives me nuts but at the same time I want them so bad!

I've been seeing my T for the same amount of time... Roughly 9 months. It has only gotten worse for me!

-Hope

Hi Hope. I have been trying to connect by attempting to tell her how important she is to me and how much I value the sessions. I have also texted her to try to connect after a really upsetting event had happened. She then told me she didn't text except to reschedule etc she said it was a 'boundary thing' and since then she sometimes refuses to answer questions. She says I can ask them but it's her choice whether she answers them. They've been like does she have children (relevant to what we were discussing) but it just makes me feel terrible for asking. Like I've asked too much but I wasn't being nosey just it would have helped me connect with her. She is so neutral all the time. But I think she is a good T, she has a lot of experience and in some ways I can see the boundary thing is probably good and beneficial. We never run over session by a minute (even if I am upset!) I am out of the door and on my way whatever state I am in which hurts sometimes as I realise I am only a client. Nothing more. I also desperately crave a hug from her - which will probably never happen as I am sure touch is another boundary issue. All that said I still adore her.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

Sometimes I wonder if what I'm saying is making her uncomfortable because of the vibe I am getting. If that's the case i wish she would say so and that I could get help from someone more qualified to handle the specific situation.

But I'm mostly talking about in between session boundaries, as well as some of the things she has put up with in sessions.
She has never once set boundaries. I've pushed her to limits even my family members would say "ok Hope, you need to not call at that time anymore".

They are nonexistent. Maybe cuz she knows when I do something out of line I will beat myself up over it? So she doesn't feel the need to help?
Seems kind of wrong, though.

Another question to consider is her track record? Is she stable and experienced? I'd be more worried about boundary issues with a brand new therapist who was still green than with my own therapist, who's been practicing for 20 years and dealt with others who share some of my issues before.

-Hope

This is something I've worried about too, so I do understand, but think there's room for you to consider that your concerns might not reflect her reality.

She is not obligated to view or deal with your in-between session contact if she doesn't want to. She can take breaks, days off, set aside your messages for as long as she needs to. Just because you send a message, doesn't mean you're forcing a reply. She can turn on voicemail if it's later than she wants to take calls, for example.

My therapist operates this way. Yes, I am uncomfortable, but it's very good for me. It gives me the experience of having someone supportive around a lot, but also learning to tolerate my feelings of neediness, to be aware of them, to let someone help me with them, and over time, I make progress and won't feel the urge to reach out so much.

You may also want to consider how stable and experienced your therapist is. I'd be more worried about a therapist being unclear on boundaries if they were a brand new, green, over-eager therapist, for example, than someone with 20 years experience who'd dealt with similar issues before.

As for vibes that you think you're picking up, I would definitely ask her about that so you don't have to worry about whether you're projecting- you can get the answer straight from the source.