Advice on hard topics to discuss. Thanks for reading..

Hi, it's me again asking for advice.
Don't know if this might trigger someone so I put the icon just in case..

I'm finally seeing my T tomorrow. Last time she told me I was doing well and am very ahead in therapy. I was happy about the compliment but fear she will terminate me before I'm ready, maybe without noticing it. I managed to calm down and wanted to discuss it with her, just to define the whole thing better. I even wrote her a letter that I hadn't planned to give her, just to remember the things I wanted to say.

Now, a lot has happened during the break. I was harassed by my boss and I contacted T asking for help without explaining the situation. So I guess she will want to know what it was about. Things are ok now but this left me really shaken (it's related to my trauma). And now I feel ashamed at the thought that I have to talk about this, what if she thinks I invented it to play the victim because I'm attached and so I "need" a new issue? I do trust T, I just feel so much like a source of problems and a pain in the *** and I want to hide forever. I'm tempted to just talk about the first topic and not this because I feel like I'm playing the victim - even though I'm having nightmares and that sort of things. Or should I forget the fear-of-termination-topic and concentrate on this instead? What would you do. Sorry for this messy thread, I don't know where to start. I'm so confused.

If it were me I would start with a mention of your last session and how you feel that you have made progress. Then mention when you needed to contact her over your break and how that has made you realize that there are some things that you still feel you need more help with. Then just let the session play out.

Thank you. I'm really ashamed though, don't even know why. The rational me knows I don't have to and I'm not responsible for others' behavior, but my heart tells me different and fears she won't believe me and be bothered by me causing what happened at work lately. I fear I won't be able to communicate what's important because of this and will just let it pass.

You are going to have a lot of "what if" questions till you see your T. It might help to expand on them to include what a couple positive and negative reactions. Example: What if she won't believe me? What if she does believe you?

I am afraid I won't be able to communicate what is important to me. What will happen if you are able to communicate with her or what will happen if you are not able to communicate?

I would keep reminding myself that because I am doing well does not mean I am near termination? So you got straight A's in 9th grade, you aren't out of high school yet! Another thing I would want to learn is to see my T as my partner in therapy and good partners don't just make unilateral decisions, your T is not just going to terminate you, rub her hands together and say, "Well, that's that, I finally got rid of that Ambra!" It sounds like you have a lot going on in your head that you need to work with mastering before you need to worry about what your T is going to do? If you stay on what is affecting you and what you need to do instead of imagining things about your T (since you aren't her and haven't asked her and it is not what you have been working on for your therapy) it can be a little easier. There is scary enough stuff happening like this new thing with your boss.

I would definitely tell T you are struggling with both fear of termination because you are doing well issues and the problem with your boss. You say the problem is okay now; definitely tell her how that happened, that it became okay. When a boss humiliated me in public I was near tears then got angry and came up with a plan so it would not happen again and empowered myself and it was one of the best stories I had to tell my T that week, it felt so good that I was actually using what I was learning in real-world situations outside therapy.

You can discuss both. I suspect the fear of termination thing won't be a terribly long conversation. The other issue really needs to be addressed. You are not "playing the victim". You were victimized and need to work through what happened and the effects that has had on you.

After you tell her that you were harassed at work, how likely do you think it is that she will terminate you?

Thanks for reassuring me, I read everything but couldn't answer. I saw T anyway, and I'll say... so many things, so little time.
I brought up the sessions thing but I said little of what I wanted to say. So we talked about it briefly but she went straight to the point and said I'm definitely not going to be kicked out of her door indeed, lol. Last time I had the impression T was absolutely sure about me being "almost done", but you were right as always.

The session went on about my issues and then I was asked about the job. Time was almost up but I could say something, I said I feel like I don't have the right to complain and I have something wrong but I can't find it to fix it (I know it's not me, rationally. But these are the spontaneous thoughts). And T replied, among the other things, "what if you don't have to fix anything in that sense and it's somebody else's problem?" and why should she think I made this up. And then we'll continue next week cause I need to process it - also because I'm still there.
Even though I said one fifth of what I wanted to say and I know I will ask for reassurance again a thousand times, after the session I had that old feeling of reassurance and acknowledgement again. I'm so glad holidays are over.