Turning negatives into positives with gratitude?

Does anyone else's Pdoc/T do this. I've actually found the approach really useful, especially because I tend to catastrophise things or beat up on myself a lot when I'm not doing so well with certain issues.

For example if I'm going through a bit of a rough patch with my recovery from Anorexia, or I'm finding myself in the midst of a relapse, he's encouraged me to open an internal dialogue with my eating disorder and show kindness and gratitude towards it - like saying/thinking something along the lines of *to the eating disorder* "I'd like to thank you for being there when I needed you, and I didn't know any other way to cope. I know you were just trying to help, but now I've learnt/am learning new and better ways of dealing with things, so I don't need you anymore and that's a good thing." Sort of like even though certain behaviours or thought processes might be negative they can still be acknowledged as positives in a way, because it was still a part of you that was trying to help or be protective it's just that that part of you didn't know how to go about it in a healthy way at that time.

I am so not explaining this properly. Does anyone else know what I mean? Does anyone else have a Pdoc/T who uses this approach?

I know what you mean, and I have heard of it. I've never been taught to do it though.

But I have taken an aggressive line against paranoid thoughts. "Don't be silly!" sometimes works.

I've heard of it, but I've never had a T try this with me. I suspect they know I would probably throw something at them if they even suggested I do this.

What you are explaining, makes sense. My T and Pdoc, don't usually use the positive thinking approach with me. I'm trying to remember the full discussion with my PDoc, once, to try and express technique, where I am concerned.

I think, it was in reference to when he was suggesting dating sites to me, ones for single parents. I told him, it was out of my comfort zone, because it was an in-person single parent dating scene, that brought my father to meeting my stepmom and the super involvement that they had in that group. He reminded me, with these words, 'That was his Choice.' I may have ventured to mention my displeasure with the outcome, due to how she was towards me. "It was his[my father's] CHOICE."

Perhaps, reality based approach, with me? Not sure, I haven't really asked my T's, what approach they use, nor do I analyze too much.

Just wanted to share, to let you know, that sometimes, I feel, they at times, tailor approaches to effectively treat us. I like your self talk, I can see how it'd be beneficial.

Oh definitely when it comes to things like paranoid ideations, ideas of reference, and hallucinations that I experience as part of having Psychotic Depression, that's when his treatment approach changes to more one of reality check and distract, plus medication when I need it (like at the moment). I think he uses different therapy techniques for different diagnosis with me. Not a 'one size fits all' approach.

But yeah totally I'm not going to be sweet talking my paranoia anytime soon.

I know what you mean. I think this is a great and useful technique.
I sometimes do that on my own. My T does it to an extent - for example, if I'm telling him facts (not really complaining, not happy either, just stating how I did something), he may rephrase it to show what I accomplished and what skills I used. I find it useful too and a good idea. I think that, throughout the years, this has changed my mindset - it helped me to appreciate what used to seem like small things in myself and others. I also use this. Though you have to be willing and prepared to see the good in yourself and even in parts you make think of as unimportant or harmful. (So by the way, great job to you for seeing your ED in that new light!).
There is also something called "positive intention". Every part of you, no matter how self-destructive it may seem,has your best interest in mind. So it's a good shift in perspective to reach that common ground, ask yourself what that part of you (such as an ED or anything, really) wants for you that would be good, so you can look for healthier alternatives of achieving what you need. Is this also something that your T does? Or the same principle?

I never heard of this technique before, and would not react well to any T who tried it on me.

This approach is, or shares philosophy with, many Buddhist philosophies of compassion, including compassion for oneself. You might enjoy reading some Jon Kabat-Zim or Pema Chodron. For me, what's been most helpful is to truly realize and have some understanding about how my negative life experiences and mental health symptoms have worked for me at different times in my life. I am now grateful for these experiences because I see how they brought me to the place I am now. I would not be who I am, nor have accomplished what I have, without having been through that.

So for me, the approach is not just "you should feel gratitude", but rather in doing the work necessary to understand how things have affected me, and realizing that those effects-- however dysfunctional, were normal and even expected at the time. But now I have the resources to make different choices. The flipside of gratitude, or the source of gratitude, is self understanding. The more I understand myself, the more compassion I have for myself, and the more gratitude I feel.

I do this a lot, just on my own. But my t does this too. We both are just sort of naturally positive people who try to look for the positive in anything

It's not exactly the same, by my Pdoc will help me to see how far I've come or how things have changed from say a year ago.

For example, last year I was struggling to take any calls for my call-in job, due to anxiety. This year, I'm doing much better with taking calls.

So she tries to refocus on the situation vs. just looking on how far I still have to go.

I think my t says something like, you did the best you could with what you had at the time?

I've heard it referred to as "Every part of you has positive intent. Your past ways of coping that were the best you could manage at the time, and served you as well as they could." That is an accepting way that leaves things open for change, plus you save all that energy of self-judgment/bashing.

I'm not sure I completely buy that though, not for myself anyway. I'm not saying that doesn't work for people; obviously it does for many. In fact, I can generally easily have that philosophy about other people, but rarely for my own errors. Some of my coping behaviors were entirely destructive and potentially deadly. I DID have other options and skills to use. I knew it at the time, but I CHOSE not to use them. I did NOT do the best I could with what I had at the time.

That doesn't mean I bash myself about my mistakes or can't forgive myself for them though, and perhaps that is where I see things differently for myself (again, talking about myself here, not anyone else). I'm not one to flail myself over errors. They are in the past, I can't undo them, and I can forgive myself for them. I learned from my mistakes, and moved on.

But I wouldn't begin to somehow say sweet nothings to those poor behaviors. I am not thankful for them at all, and being somehow grateful for them would, for me, give myself permission to repeat those mistakes. Instead, I saw them for the enemy they were, figured out how to fight them with the help of my therapy and support people, and emerged from the battle much stronger and much more able to utilize healthy coping skills.

I didn't need to make peace with my mistakes; I just needed to take action to avoid ever making such potentially deadly decision again.

I think different personalities approach their mistakes and how to live with them in different ways. Neither approach is definitively better than the other; however, one approach may be more appropriate for one group while other approaches will work for others. The human psyche is widely various and fascinating that way, isn't it?

Interesting topic.

Thanks, this makes a lot of sense. My Pdoc is a practising Buddhist and I know he does utilise a lot of Buddhist ideas into this therapy practice. I'm Wiccan so with me he's allowed me to sort of take the Buddhist stuff he's talked with me about and convert it into a similar or equivalent Wiccan practice.

It's funny, the way you write, you sound a lot like him.

On a similar note, my CBT therapist sometimes will not focus on what's "broken", but instead asks me "what makes you feel good? what do you want more of? what do you do for fun ? when do you get to play?"

With my regular therapist, we discuss what I need to "fix" but CBT T has kind of a positive psychology approach, which is interesting.

Being grateful to the illness is very positive too--interesting!! Main T is a mindfulness freak, but has never ventured into this area.

Looking for the positive in life is great, and I try to do that as well, when my depression allows me to. But the way I see it (and I understand that my POV is coloured by my own biases here), talking to the negative behaviours as if they were living entities is a bit infantilising, it's as if the T tries to trick the client with some kind of mind game, and I don't like that sort of thing, I react very badly to it. Besides, my self-sabotage is definitely not about doing the best I can for myself, there is no positive intent. Instead, it's an expression of my self hatred, and my T would never say that my self-loathing is a positive thing. He tries to undermine it with logic all the time, which is pretty much the only thing that works for me.

My T is also a Buddhist and "preaches" self compassion to me all the time. It's incredibly difficult to practice but I am slowly finding it helpful. Over time, the idea is that you will always have a good friend with you to support you and tell you it's going to be ok. It sounds a bit hokey, really, but I am paying for therapy so I will at least try it. A book that I have found very helpful was Self Compassion by Kristen Neff and anything by Pema Chodron (already recommended here.)